I need to get away!
I have a 16SS that has never been punished in his life! BM is just... Well... Stupid! And my DH wants to badly to be his friend. BM has no rules at her house. The kid has 2 Fs and walked out of school last week saying he is dropping out..... Nothing. So I decided that since he was told he had to have Cs to keep the car, (My car, btw) I was taking the car. BM told DH that if I take the car then he has to drive him to and from work every Wednesday and every other weekend. As far as I'm concerned he can ride his bike to work. (2 miles) If he wants to drive..... Do your homework.... Go to school and stay there! So my DH said that he gets to keep the car because he can't get him to work. So I said.... Being that it is My car..... He's grounded from the car except from school and work! I told him that I'm putting a tracker on the car and if he pulls the tracker out or takes it without OUR permission he will lose the car. DH said that we can't take away BM rights to let him drive the car. Are you kidding me? She has zero rights to my car. And for the record, I'm driving a POS so we could give him a car that is in decent shape (hence my obsession with the "he doesn't deserve" the car attitude). I didn't see my DH giving up his Jeep. Oh and did I say I am working 2 overtime shifts to pay his medical bills and when I asked my DH to pick up a shift, he told me that since I make more money than he does it makes more sense for me to do the overtime. I want out! It's ok for me to spend my life working to pay for this kid..... I'm good to take him to the Dr, get a hair cut... Pick him up for school..... But when I see you tell him the what the consequences will be and never enforce them it burns me to the core. And it's even worse that your calling me a crazy person for trying to find a way to enforce them even a little.
So I told my DH that if I'm a crazy person for wanting to track the car so I know he is actually grounded from it..... Then I either need to leave the situation with everything or disassociate myself from SS so I won't feel responsible for the pychopath they are creating. Then he pulls out the "how can you walk away from your kid". Umm if he were my kid he wouldn't have a car!
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The “how can you walk away” card!!
most infuriating thing EVER, isnt it? I feel for you, sister. Damned if you do and damned if you don’t. Ive been played that card way too many times in the last 9 years. Most recently two nights ago. Love my husband to death, but the head in the sand parenting is driving me insane. Not sure if youve tried disengaging, but that’s when Im at my happiest/most centered. My prob is I tend to allow myself to get sucked back in. Anyway, just a howdy from someone dealing with the same. Good luck to you!
First off, at the very least,
First off, at the very least, take back the good car and give SS the POS. Otherwise you will not ever get it back.
This is a perfect example of “caring more than the parents do”. Either figure out how to not care, which means no other help with parenting, or get out.
Since when is
driving and a car a "right?"
Exactly my point!
Exactly!
Stop letting everyone walk all over you!!
Not your kid, but it is your car. Take your car and all keys to it back. Tell them to figure it ou.
Better still take back the
Better still take back the car and trade it AND your POS car in for a new one. Then you won't need to worry about whether he's grounded from driving or not. And stop being his taxi. You already work two jobs, don't be an unpaid chauffeur as well.
You're being taken advantage
You're being taken advantage of and only you can stop it.
This is an absolute farce.
This is an absolute farce.
You've been too nice for too long, and are doing things that are completely outside of your role. Both of these loser parents are using you, with your full cooperation. It's high time you got some self respect and either leave or take control and stop letting everyone wipe their feet on you.
In steplife, you have to prioritize and look out for yourself because of just this sort of situation. You may have thought you were just being a good team player, but gradually the boundaries have blurred until you're sacrificing and doing more for the First Family than they are. Now things are so far out of balance that your SO openly expects you to work harder for his kid than he does - absurd!
Time to put on your thigh-high bi!ch boots and rescue yourself. There's bound to be pushback and drama, and you'll have to decide for yourself if it's worth staying with someone who would use you so shamelessly, but the first step is to get the car back and get finances separated. If you want out, good, but be strategic about it and leave with all your assets.
I guess I won round one!
Thank you all for your support! Finally feel like I have someone in my corner! So SS was at our house today and I told him how it was going to be. Car tracker... Not using my car for anything...... Next thing you know my DH is telling me that BM pays 1/2 his car insurance and wants him to be able to run errands for her. I said hell no! He can use her car. SS went ballistic! Started screaming... Cussing... Telling me he didn't want my bleep...bleepen car and I was a bleep and he wants me out of his life. Maybe broke a finger hitting the car. DH almost had to call the cops. Then, my DH came in pissed asking how much money he has because he is going to have to pay for half of a car with his ex. We can give him a car....... But she will only give him half a car. Told DH he can leave if he needs to but I'm tired of saying if your grades suck you lose the car and it never happening. Next thing you know....SS is at my side crying and telling me he is sorry and he understands why I am doing and saying what I'm saying. In shock.... And tired as hell..... Did I mention I work nights?
Dame
dang ... no words but dang! And no car for you!!! What has your DH said since the SS crying gag?
Better
we're not yelling at each other anymore. We put a tracker on the car. Guess we will see!
If your dh and bm can each
If your dh and bm can each pay half for a car now, why couldn't they before? I say let them get him a car! Eff you having to drive a pos car so this sh!t head can have a nice one....to run bm errands?? Are you kidding? Nice you are allowing bm errands to be run timely for her.
Sheesh.
Take the car back! Separate finances!
"Then, my DH came in pissed
"Then, my DH came in pissed asking how much money he has because he is going to have to pay for half of a car with his ex."
Poor darling, he's going to have to dig into his own pocket for his own child. How awful for him. Can't he get it through that thick skull of his that this is the way it's SUPPOSED to be - bm and bf are supposed to cover the kid's needs, NOT you.
This is unfortunate high
This is unfortunate high drama that must be slogged through, but the reality is that only Mom and Dad should be involved in providing SS a car, and you need to extricate yourself from all things SS ASAP.
Please, PLEASE get your car back, sell it, and put the proceeds towards taking care of you.