Put that baby in daycare NOW!!   Let her learn that there are consequences for her horrible actions. 

Well she may want to watch the child but she wont follow the rules so she doesn't get to. BM could've dropped the kid off a block away and just had him jump out of the car. Unless the kid is, I dunno, two.

I agree with the others. Just put your baby in daycare. Tell MIL that it is just too much stress and you don't want this to affect your relationship with her anymore than it already has. If she ever wants to spend a day with the baby, just let you know and you can make arrangements but she will have to be sure that baby will not be around BM in anyway shape or form. Tell her you value her as a grandparent in your child's life and are so happy they have been able to bond so much already. Then thank her for her willingness to watch baby and all of her help thus far. -- Then move on. Baby to daycare, make excuses as needed if MIL wants to babysit and you feel unsure about the situation. You said everything possible to appease her and hopefully come out shinning and no more stress!

What about a sitter that comes to your house? That way MIL can come and go while spending time with the baby but the baby never leaves the home and is always under supervision. 

I would not continue with MIL alone. She has proven to be unfit. 

I would put the baby in day care. Or hire a child care assistant for your home. You have legitimate reasons to be concerned about your child's safety and the influence of those around your child when the child is in GrandMa's care.

How many times are you going to buy the sob story of "I am sorry, it won't happen again?". I am sorry that GrandMa feels torn, guilty and caught in the middle, but with ample chances, she has blown it.  I won't take her at her word again, and the child's safety comes first.

If the sitter does not follow my directions, she gets fired.  If she is doing this free, you may between a rock and a hard place

Agree with everyone. Don't consult GM on babysitting, just put the baby into daycare & leave it at that. She clearly can't be trusted to do what's in the best interest of your child, so she can see him/her on weekends when you're all together. Simples

  Just my thoughts…yes, I think your request is outlandish.  I could see if she were taking the baby into BMs house or your EXs house but not just for running over a few streets and picking up SD.

 However…you and your DH have requested this and she should respect your wishes. 

  Buuuut…is this a hill you really want to die on?  You have a loving, all be it, stubborn, grandmother who loves and cares for your child 3 days a week.  Do you really want to take that away from YOUR child?  Do you want to put her in a day care where you REALLY don’t know what your child will be doing or who is caring for her.  Yes, MIL should listen to you, but she still wants to help out her other grandchild at the same time. 

 If I were you, I would tell GMA that ok, she can take the child to that street.  But she cannot get out of the car.  SD can just run out and get in the car.  She would never even see BM or your EX.   

Just my 2 cents. 

I would put the baby in daycare or find another caregiver immediately.  Your MIL has been given multiple chances and she has failed to do as you asked.  You and your DH are the parents, and you can dictate to a caregiver what happens with your own child.  Your request is reasonable.  Your MIL failing to abide by your wishes with respect to YOUR child is not.  Any additional cost you have to pay will be worth it to remove this particular worry and drama from your lives.

ETA:  As for daycare, I went to a daycare center from the time I was 4 months old until I went to school.  I have good memories of that experience.  I made friends, developed social skills, learned the preschool stuff that prepared me for "real" school and also learned that I was not the center of everyone's world every day.  I would have no problem with putting a child into day care if I could afford it.  You just have to look around and find the right place (without being *too* picky - none of them is going to be the same as staying home with mom or grandma, but ikeep in mind that there are some ways in which daycare is better).

My mom watched DS 3 days a week from 3 months to 3 years. My sister has Mental health isssues and was having a crisis time and had a lot of delusions about my son. i asked my mom not to let her around DS. After the 3rd time she let my sister hang out with DS. I put him in daycare.

It worked out great. He loved all the other kids to play with and all the different things to do. 

I have been on this site more than once a

nervous wreck cause my baby was taken to North Korea's house by her dad and the step kids. She has a pit bull that has killed numerous cats and is aggressive in my opinion. That's just her dog . My feelings about North Korea are just as bad. She too had substance abuse problems and is crazy and has said hateful jealous things about my precious daughter just for being born. The difference is that I had no say in what they did or where they take my DD. You do. I say listen to your spidey senses and if they tell you that your child is in danger near BM then act accordingly 

If you find another alternative for the baby.  While it may seem like a great idea to leave the baby with family, in this situation there isn't that peace of mind and it can't be fun to be at work all day worrying.  

The relationship with your MIL also seems very strained from this situation.  You have made a request she has repeatedly ignored it for one reason or another and typically situations like this don't turn around and become harmonious.  

I don't see any reason why she needs to go over to BM's house to pick up anybody while she has your baby with her.  These kids sound old enough to get their own transportation and hey they should be in school and that seems like something that needs to be addressed too.  I totally agree with you that this is a bad situation but I feel it is only going to get worse if you don't find an alternative.  

While it is very nice of your MIL to offer free daycare if she takes on the responsibility and agrees to your wishes, it should only be broken in an emergency not to cater to a teenager that should be in school anyway.  

Truly best for you and your baby to make this break from this situation now.

I get the crazy ex situation and distance is the best solution!!  

Good luck to you!1 

I actually went through something like this! DH's mom was watching our baby when I went back to work and I specifically asked for her not to allow BM at the house when the baby is there (MIL was buddy/buddy with BM). Well I found out she did allow her over on multiple occasions. I gave her a few chances but ended up putting the baby in daycare and we are very happy we did. BM is an addict and unstable like yours, so just not something I want around my child.

The BM issue aside, your MIL might be getting too old/tired for babysitting even three days a week. She seems to get flustered easily and not have the capacity to be firm in her answers. "No SD16, I will not come get you. You can wait." "No BM, get away from the car." I can't imagine as your LO gets older that babysitting is going to get easier. As you have experienced, toddlers will test anyone's patience. And having heard just what you have told us, I imagine she will have a hard time saying "No, I can't babysit LO anymore, it's too much for me."

With that said, I would also, like you, have been very upset that MIL didn't follow the one rule you gave her. Paid or not, she agreed to care for your child as well as the rules you set for your child. If she wasn't planning on or able to follow the rules, she shouldn't have agreed to them and she shouldn't babysit anymore.

The only thing you did wrong was giving her a second chance and then second...third...etc opportunity. There will come a time in every new mother's life when she has to confront the overbearing maternal figure (mom or mother-in-law) who keeps pushing boundaries when it comes to watching the new grandbaby. Your MIL pushed the boundary and ya'll yell, fussed and threw a fit but then gave her the next opportunity. Put that baby in daycare or find a new caretaker. It was the perfect storm to even consider her in the first place with her living so close to BM's house (and ass) plus your own ex as a neighbor. Breeding ground for a hotmess.