SD(now 9, then 7) used to go to bed at midnight or later every night that wasnt a school night. She would be right beside us, on the couches, in her room, in our room, in our bed.. might as well have been up our butts.. every second of the day until she literally passed out. Don't even get me started on how breaking her of the dreaded cosleeping with daddy thing went or how long it took. Stop it before it gets there, trust me.

I had enough. I found it ridiculous how little boundaries both of them and this type of selfish parenting. I took over and made the routine of which I still do. Kids need a routine and an adult figure to create boundaries/rules. They don't realize it of course but these rules we set in place make their lives much easier, especially for little ones, they are less overwhelmed and are broken of bad habits much quicker. 

In my house when I say its time for bed, it's time for bed. 830 weekdays, 10oclock weekends for my now 9 year old SD. No questions asked. BF will come do his drawn out goodnight at the end but I read to her, brush her hair, tuck her in, turn on her night lights, etc. I am the one who does her nighttime routine and then I'm the last one who says goodnight, she expects it. 

You're not overstepping your boundaries, especially with him giving you the go ahead. She will very much benefit from some healthy nighttime boundaries!

You're not in the wrong. This was one of the first things I nipped in the bud. SD went to bed whenever the heck she wanted and would sleep in our bed. I was not having it. It was a nightmare at first to implement routine and rules. But children need consistency and will thrive. 

There own bed by 8 pm.  Little story time, then to sleep by 8:15 to 8:30 pm.  You should have some alone time with your SO. And be adults 

What time is she getting up at if he's putting her to bed at 11 pm? Toddlers typically need 12-14 hours of sleep. Putting her to bed too late reduces her chances of getting that sleep. If she doesn't get enouigh sleep at night she's going to be cranky during the day. For everyone's well-being, she NEEDS a regular bedtime at a decent hour.

Then there's the fact that it's easier to get her into a proper routine now than just before she goes to school. It seems silly to deliberately complicate things "just because".

Routine is important. Plus as they grow it becomes something they feel they can depend on

When they first started going back to Psycho's for visitations. They started calling at night, she never put them to bed. They would literally ask if it was okay for them to go to bed. I asked if anyone had said no then told them to go ahead. They like the routine. It was hard to start, but once started, it really made things a LOT smoother. THey rely on it, it helps everyone be in a better mood, plus on rough days Dh and I can count down to bedtime too. LMAO

Kids need TONS of sleep, if they don't get it, they're stubborn so they won't admit they're tired, but you can tell with how they act. Lack of sleep is harder on EVERYONE.

And when he IS home?  What happens when SD2 is old enough to complain about you, the eeevvviiiilll  SM for being "too mean"  "too harsh"  "too strict?"  Does BF get to overrule you then?   This is always a huge trap when bioDad and CowBird abdicate parental authority/responsibilty, wanting SM to have 100% responsibility yet 0% authority.

I would run now since both parents don't have the good sense to PARENT their own child.  And you will be blamed for anything that goes wrong.  Mark.my.words.

Honestly, before having my own toddler, I would've said the same thing - put them to bed at a consistent time. 

But my 19-month old son is the world's worst sleeper and there's no forcing him if he doesn't want to. Last night, we rocked, nursed, cuddled, etc. ON REPEAT for 3 HOURS until midnight when he finally fell asleep. Yes, he is still rocked to sleep. He falls asleep very occasionally on his own but most of the time, he just wanders around upset and tired until you help him get to sleep. We have tried everything to get an earlier bedtime/less dependent on us to go to sleep but it's just not happening. Because sleep is developmental. They learn how to sleep at their own pace if they haven't been sleep trained, and we don't believe in sleep training or leaving them to cry it out, so this is our reality. 

If this little girl is capable of falling asleep at a routine time, that's fantastic. But if she's not, you might have to work on it and let her sit with you/read stories/etc. in the meantime. It's so rough. I wouldn't do this for someone else's kid, to be honest, I'd be in my room reading a book while my husband dealt with bedtime if it was an issue. 

"They learn how to sleep at their own pace if they haven't been sleep trained, and we don't believe in sleep training or leaving them to cry it out, so this is our reality. "

And hence your problem.....sometimes sleep training/CIO is best for the KIDS development....and avoiding 3-4 years of power struggles...but hey ....feel free to go around it the long way

I say that also as someone who didn't do sleep training/CIO at early stages-but after 12-18 months that's when it kicks in so ALL can have a better life. 

I nursed/rocked my babies to bed and they had later bed times until around 1.5 yrs- after that it's training so the family can flourish.