Almost my 10 year anniversary on ST
In a month, it will 10 years I landed at this site and felt at home. I don't get on much lately as we are over with the skid duty finally. My dSO and I will be together 14 years this summer. He went from 5 hours of visitation on Sundays, to EOW, to full time parent in 2010.
Some of my old blogs I left up. It was like living in an alternate universe how fucked up the skids and BM were and continues to be.
SD ended up staying wiht us until 2017 at 16. She did graduate last month, is enrolled in a dental assistant program and the only skids to continually work and pay her own way. DSO bought her a used car for graduation.
The SS, 25 and 19, can't hold jobs, or don't want to. The 25yo lives with a 47yo old woman. The 19yo still acts like he is 10 and was never really helped for his violence tendancies. He is just like BM and neither one have gotten good mental health help or just didn't pursue but they are pretty skewed in the head. YSS is very intelligent and creative but lacks any ambition than having fun.
ST sure has changed in the past 10 years, but I have changed also. Honestly, reading the stories of you younger women just starting this slippery slope to hell is just like we all were in the beginning. You figure it out after a while, whether its you just don't want to live this way or you change your perspective and deal with it better, or disengage better.
When you younger ladies read the advice, remember that the advice you are given are from women going thru or have went thru what you are going thru. You are getting advice form their experiences, so take the parts of the advice that connects with you and leave the rest. Some are trolls, there have always been trolls, just ignore them. Sometimes it is fun to play with the trolls to pass the time.
To those of you just starting the journey, good luck and always be true to yourself and don't get lost in the bullshit.
To those of you that just don't see an ending to your nightmare, please think long and hard about staying in this situation. (My DSO is a person that feels kids should be out on their own at 18 or I wouldn't be with him still) Life doesn't end as you get older, it honestly gets better, but you have to take the steps to the better life, it isn't magic.
- bearcub25's blog
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Comments
Happy anniversary! I just
Happy anniversary! I just passed the 5 year mark.
Bearcub, your post has a lot of wisdom and sage advice. Too many people who live the nightmare will scoff about being a statistic and think they are THE one who will break the cycle. It rarely works that way. Early in my life, I have thought things would change for the better, only to realize TOO LATE that the only thing that could change was me. I stayed in a nightmare for too long and barely made it out alive.
It would be wonderful if steplife came with a user's guide, complete with a quiz to show you what kind of situation you're in. Disney parent, mini wife/husband... I believe there would be fewer stephell situations!
Thank you for posting this!!
Thank you. There were times
Thank you. There were times I didn't think it would ever end.
Its funny reading these posts, only the names of the posters change. So much wisdom went out the door with the last group banning. I still miss just the fun posts of those ladies.
I didn't either. It was a
I didn't either. It was a combination of me changing my attitude and my DH ceasing to be a Disney Dad and expecting respect for his wife.
I certainly miss that YUGE loss of wisdom! I wish there was a section for people in abusive relationships with things like a checklist and hotline numbers.
Congrats on the 10 years.. it
Congrats on the 10 years.. it's not always fun.. often frustrating.. but with the right partner it can work.
Congratulations! It's so nice
Congratulations! It's so nice to hear from you. I remember the poo you had to deal with, even on your wedding day, so it's great that you've got to a place of peace. {{hugs}}
It was my DDs but I will
It was my DDs but I will never forget BM burned us that weekend. I refuses to speak to her at all now. No Hello, Hi, Fuck you, just ignore the whore.
Thanks and good to see you also.
Hi Bearcub! Nice to see you
Hi Bearcub! Nice to see you again. I have been hanging around here for nine years now, and I still can't believe that I have been a full-timer for 7.5 years...we are down to one still living at home and she will be heading off to college next summer!!
I always try and see if you
I always try and see if you have posted. Nice to see we are both in good places. I remember when your skids came to you full time, about a year after me, and we had some chats about it.
Feels effing good, doesn't it?
Greetings Bearcub!
I often think about writing a "treatise" of some kind to the new folks who have just arrived here, and into the land of us "step asides".
And then I realise that I am only about "5 years old", meaning I havent encountered the full spectrum of Step life yet. Ive only been on this board for about 2.5 years according to my account stats (it feels longer!).
I have 2 SDs, Feral Forger sd20 and munchkin sd13. Feral is JUST like her mother and they now live together full time. Which is fine, but now she gets to torment munchkin, and toxic troll gets to pretend she is mother of the year.
munchkin and I over the years have gotten pretty close but she JUSt turned 13, and I am aware that things can turn at any moment. She seems pretty well adjusted and has mentioned more than once that she considers me a "second mom", and has commented that I am actually more of a mother type than her own "real" mother who treats her like a bff.
But hey - good to meet you! Glad that you have reached a good place. We are as well, today. But things are so high conflict that they seem to change in an instant. We are in a better place so that we can handle it better.
We just hope Feral Forger will get her head out of her a$$ and realise that we are not the enemy. Unfortuneately she is too narcissistic like her mother to ever change at this point.
My hopes rest with munchkin, and I am encouraging her to be strong and independant and think about life after school, when she will be able to actively participate in her own life instead of others taking over.