I MISS SEX RANT
SO and I have "come out" to the girls and they had a typical we know reaction. We've been working on blending and it's been successful.
We have his DD and my sister full time so it's not uncommon that they've heard us before- sometimes you get caught up in the moment and it can't be helped. We've explained to them about healthy adult relationships and how it's normal for adults in a commited relationship to be intimate with one another.
We both have pretty demanding jobs. I work as a biomedical engineer and work a typical 40 hours a week. SO is a neurosurgeon so he can work from 50-60 hours per week. Lately it's been on the higher end, so he doesn't get home until later in the evening or past dinner.
Sometimes he hasn't been the mood and is exhausted by the time he's in the bed- which I understand. Or when he's in the mood, we tend to be vey quiet because the girls are VERY light sleepers.
I don't want to sound like a teenage boy that's about to hit puberty but I'm gonna say it....I miss having normal sex when I dont have to worry about being quiet. I want to have loud fun, exciting, and spontaneous sex. Just a few days back, SO put my pillow in my face when he heard one of the kids getting up to use the bathroom. The mood was ruined!
Lately he's either tried or doesn't want them to hear us. I'm starting to get frustrated.
End of Rant
Well - being with a man who
Well - being with a man who has kids might not be right for you, if aren't ready to change your lifestye. It's not really appropriate to expose kids to regular sounds of people having sex. If they hear or walk in by accident, that's one thing, but having wild monkey sex really can't happen anymore (if they are in the house).
Sure it can happen. It's
Sure it can happen. It's called hiring a babysitter or sending the kids to the movies (if they are of an appropriate age). Or making them go play outside. Or setting up play dates. Monkey sex isn't over, it just has to be more scheduled, and there is nothing wrong with missing it "on demand".
OP - it sounds like you two make a decent living. It's time to find a trust babysitter and a favorite hotel/condo/cabin/house you can rent on a monthly basis, even if only for a day, to go have wild monkey sex once a month. You and your SO need to recharge, especially during this stressful time. Make it happen regularly, and the "mouse sex" won't seem so bad.
That why I said "if they are
That why I said "if they are in the house". OP is 25 and may not be ready to be quiet when the kids need him to be, and seems to miss "spontaneous" loud sex. His partner is right to shut that down.
I agree 100%. We both do need
I agree 100%. We both do need to recharge. The "mouse sex" is not satisfying at all because there is not wild monkey sex anymore and there is no release from all the pent up stress.
Money is not an issue with the household. It's time. He doesn't have time and I have the time to work and look after the girls full time. I'm gonna start looking for a babysitter tonight. I need alone from the girls as well. They're good kids don't get me wrong but I need time for myself as well and I need alone with my SO
One of the children is OP's
One of the children is OP's 9yo sister.
Oh, I missed that. Well, it
Oh, I missed that. Well, it still stands!
Which part, the not being
Which part, the not being loud or the relationship not being the right fit?
The first part is correct in needing to learn that quiet sex is the norm now because there are kids in the house. However, since he has a kid, his goal needs to be to learn how to feel better about quiet sex over having monkey sex since he has a child in his car, too. Avoiding relationships isn't the answer.
I meant the being quiet.
I meant the being quiet.
It's not even about being
It's not even about being loud. I'm talking about any noise in general. Things got loud ounce and since then if I make so much as a peep during sex he covers my mouth. it's gotten to the point where I'm starting to get self- cousiness. I don't need 50 shades of grey.(though I wouldn't mind it). I'm just talking about normal sex at this point where I'm allowed to express myself normally.
Lately I'm with the girls 24/7. He doesn't come home until after their in bed and he's exhausted- I don't blame him though. It's his job. There are nights he doesn't even come home and ends up sleeping at the hospital and I fall asleep alone. It's almost as if I've become a glorified roommate.
I get that!!!
I get that!!!
My DH is military and has just changed commands. He leaves for work at 4 am now and by 8pm he is so tired I am pulling him off the couch to get in bed. He also has to sleep in the ship 2 nights a week, which doubly sucks. I know mine will get used to the normal schedule in a few more weeks but right now... damn... This girl needs to get some! LOL
What if you guys made a promise to get a hotel room 2x a month? That way you can have all the loud hotel sex you want, not have to worry about the kids, plus it just makes for a fun time to get away, even for a night. In every relationship you have to prioritize each others needs. Having a high sex drive is a need in your relationship. I totally get it!!
I am sorry that I can't remember your sister's age or your SD, but are they ok with the 2 of themselves alone for an overnight. You can leave after dinner and back before lunch type thing if it would make it easier. Also, if that won't work, this is what BM, grandparents, Aunts, Uncles or if you have to, the nanny you hire on Care.com!!! LOL
On another note... Can I PM you? My son wants to go into engineering. I am pushing him to explore biomedical and would love to pick your brain for him! He is only 13 but super advanced and "gifted". If he stays on his current path he will not only graduate a year early but with an associates degree to boot.
Hope I'm not in that hotel.
Hope I'm not in that hotel. Nothing worse than hearing two strangers going at it loudly in the room next door!
Well, hearing your parents
Well, hearing your parents having wild monkey sex is worse.
And if we hear others going at it in a hotel, that just means the competition has started.
Well - how about people just
Well - how about people just be considerate of others and quiet down? I guess I don't get the need to wail like a banshee during sex, not caring who has to hear it.
Meh. Some of us are blessed
Meh. Some of us are blessed with multiple buttons and a DH who knows how to push them I guess. Being one who has a tendency to "wail" during great sex, I can tell you that it definitely diminishes the experience to have to stifle yourself.
I don't care how anyone has sex. If I happen to hear others, I don't go all puritanical. I simply think "good for them" and go about my business. It's a hotel. Turn up the tv or grab a drink at the bar. No harm, no foul.
It's not being puritanical,
It's not being puritanical, people can have sex all they want - as long as I don't have to listen to it.
How about getting a hotel
How about getting a hotel room, turning up the TV or radio and yell all you want. Why do I have to be "considerate" for others in a hotel. If they don't like it......pump the music....
I personally fond of being
I'm personally fond of being considerate of people all the time. I think it's rude to party or have loud sex when other people are trying to sleep, and no, I wouldn't do that to someone else. Find a place where no one can hear you. But I am well aware that I'm not normal, selfishness is the rage now.
Well - how about people just
Well - how about people just be considerate of others and quiet down?
Having to be quiet is OP's issue...
And there are now bits of
And there are now bits of cinnamon-raisin bagel with cream cheese stuck to my monitor!
Lol yum!!
Lol yum!!
Beebeel your my kinda girl...
Beebeel you're my kinda girl..............
Thank you for getting me!!!
Thank you for getting me!!!
I'm in the exact same postion. My SO is so exhausted sometimes that he'll just call me from the hospital and say that he's just gonna sleep there. This boy also needs to get some!!
I would love to have some much needed alone time with him. I really need it. We haven't had any alone time for a while now.
His daughter is 10 and my sister is 9 so we can't leave them alone overnight. BM passed away a few years prior and his parents live 3 hours away and is younger brother just recently moved states for work. He also has a sister but they recenly had a followig out because how I was being treated (she doesn't like the fact that I'm 15 years younger than him). If anything I'm gonna start looking for a nanny or babysitter. I need to feel like more than just a parent.
Of course!! Pick away :)
Kudos for having any sex
Kudos for having any sex drive with skids in the house.
Find a house via Airbnb or
Find a house via Airbnb or VRBO. They're usually much cheaper than hotels AND have more privacy.
I love VRBO. We found an
I love VRBO. We found an amazing cabin overlooking the Mississippi River for our 10th wedding anniversary coming up. We will be watching the river from the outdoor hot tub and creeping out the woodland critters with the uninhibited noises we will be making! I couldn't believe how inexpensive it was.
Beebeel, when we went to GA
Beebeel, when we went to GA for SS19's Army graduation, we found a lovely 2 BR house with a YUGE fenced in, heavily shaded backyard. The houses were nicely spaced and privacy was pretty much a given. It cost us $50 a night. That's it!!!
How about that? So did we!
How about that? So did we!
We fought all weekend, he wouldn't get in the hot tub because it was too cold outside (?), and I sat alone with the dog watching TV most of the weekend wondering where the last 10 years went.
Can't wait until the 20th. I just hope it's with someone else.
(((Hugs))) We have hit a
(((Hugs))) We have hit a rough patch, but things seem to be on the up. I hope your next anniversary (whomever it's with) is so fantastic it wipes that dud from your memory.
We have a 3 year old, so I
We have a 3 year old, so I feel your struggle. I also miss spontaneous, loud, crazy sex on demand. Now we have to "schedule it," which kinda kills the romance, huh? See if you can't set up a standing date night at least twice a month so you can be free to be you. Babysitters are an important tool in the parents toolbox. It helps.
Do ya take advantage of
Do ya take advantage of naptime?
We used to, but the little
We used to, but the little stinker has outgrown them for the most part.
Sad face.
Sad face.
(You’re my kinda girl, beebeel.)
I’m SO thankful skid sleeps
I’m SO thankful skid sleeps over at my in-laws most nights, because most nights we have sex, oftentimes a bit on the loud side, which our littles sleep right on through.
This gives me flashbacks to when we lived in the same city as skid and pre our own children. We had to engage in super quiet sex with our bedroom door locked, in order to not destroy skid’s precious and innocent world. *all the eye rolls.
Me and hubby often do hotel getaways for long weekends
Or if he is on a business trip somewhere.
i’m not a massive screamer but usual louder breathing, moaning groanings and getting in mood and intensity of it all and hubby is the same... generally ss21 is not at home but even if he is, our room is upstairs and he can’t hear us so we have that to our benefit.
is it just me but i thought hubby covering your mouth to stifle the screams done the right way should increase the intensity lol...
when we visit my dad overseas, my bed makes a bit of noise so often if we’re in the mood to be a little more frisky its on the floor.... but i don’t believe that even with kids in the house that sex has to be pipsqueak silent.
get creative, there are ways to be a little more frisky but you’ll need to guide your man if he’s clueless and by the sounds of it when he’s trying to stifle out your screams or moans and groans he’s acting like a “oh i’m scared the girls will hear” which no doubt kills the mood when he could very well still cover your mouth whilst still upping the intensity without the girls hearing...
might take time to perfect but trust me, me and hubby have found ways to still to have great intense sex without anyone realising or hearing it
I get it though we have never
I get it though we have never foregone intimacy due to the kid being in our home. For sure when he was away at boarding school intimacy and passionate freedom was at a whole different level but... kid in the house or not.. it was game on. It still is when he is home. Though at 26 he gets it.
I cannot even count the number of times I have walked in on my parents. My parents never hid that they were passionately in love with each other. Even now at 76 and 74 they are passionate lovers. My mom and my bride are BFFs and sometimes to my bride's discomfort mom shares that she and dad are active. In recent history the funny stories are about their 5th wheel RV moving like it is in a hurricane when they are on RV trips and their neighbors toasting them and chearing them when they come out of the RV.
Our preferred method of covering passinately loud sex is to laugh our asses off. It keeps people guessing and we have fun!
Practice makes perfect when it comes to getting your passion on while minimizing the jungle sex calls.