Clingy SS12
I’m an almost step mom but don’t know how much more I can take. My boyfriend’s son is beyond clingy towards everyone around him. His mom abandoned him three years ago and I think he just wants to feel loved, but it is driving me nuts. He is overly affectionate to where it feels inappropriate. I’ve seen him lift up his father and uncle’s shirts and rub their bare stomachs. I’m trying to teach DD4 about boundaries, telling people when she doesn’t want to be touched etc and Im allowing myself to be smothered right infront of her. He has no sense of personal space. He comes around for uncomfortably long hugs at the dinner table, IN PUBLIC, while we’re eating. He’s spooned me for an extended amount of time. We have a 5 month old baby whom he will not leave alone. If I’m holding the baby he is constantly hugging us and putting his face on my chest, accidentally touching my chest and body, hugging me every 10 minutes. Once at dinner he put his hands on my leg, under the table which made me super uncomfortable. He is constantly hovering over me and in my bubble.I don’t know how to talk about this. I’m going crazy... notice my scrambled thoughts. I just need advice. I don’t want to be the bad guy but I am so uncomfortable. I feel like everyone in the family thinks it’s cute, but he’s too old and this is too much. Please help.
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Comments
You have the right to your
You have the right to your own personal space no matter how “cute” others think he is. Let him know what you are comfortable with and set limits on his behavior around you and your kids.
He is way too old for this
He is way too old for this behavior and his dad needs to teach him that it's inappropriate.
You have every right to say something to him when he is being inappropriate with you or your children. You don't have to be mean about it and your BF does need to reinforce it, so the kid doesn't think it's just YOUR problem.
He will never learn if nobody says anything to him about it.
This is a 12 yo
you are not him mother, he putting his head on your breast, and hand on your leg ? I think there a little more to this. He at that age he kinda found out about girls. He has you as a ready made girl to try his moves on. Something a boy would not do with his mother, but you are not his mother
I would start stiff-arming
I would start stiff-arming this kid to keep him out of my bubble. All you need to say is, "personal boundaries, dude. Back off." Say it with a smile, but be firm. If he thinks you are OK with his inappropriate touching, he's going to test it out on others.
Oh, and he needs therapy STAT.
I’m sure this kid has
I’m sure this kid has abandonment issues and the touching is not malicious; although getting creepy due to his age and puberty starting. Talk to Dad about getting him in therapy to work through the abandonment issues and to figure out another way to reassure him nobody’s leaving him. Until then, start teaching him personal space boundaries. Maybe limit hugs to twice a day for 3 seconds or whatever you’re comfortable with.
Oft. Yuck. I am really big on
Oft. Yuck. I am really big on personal space and in no way could tollerate this behavior; especially from someone that is far too old to be acting like this. TBH, I would have a problem with a 5 year old behaving like this.
OP, you absolutely have the right to say something. And shame on dad for not addressing it before you do.