Thank you really quick for everyone's advice.

SO and I spoke more about the house so I could get a better idea of the plan. His mother is not ready to completely move out but we both agree it feels like she's preparing. She is planing to go out of state for a bit to visit her other child but she'll be taking her dogs and won't be staying. We wouldn't be surprised if she finds a place and only comes back to get things.

We talked about his name going on the deed. I'm not sure exactly how he's doing it but we talked about the cost of taxes and such. As far as I understand he is not being put on the deed alone. It's being done so if anything happens to his mom the home will go to him but he is not taking over ownership at this point. Again this isn't something I completely understand. I don't know if they are doing a quit claim deed or what but I do know what he's talking about is possible. My dad is doing it with my sister and our family home.

We discussed my name being on the home. He doesn't have an issue with it but we both agree the house is his if anything happens between us. I TRULY don't want this home if things don't work out between us. Like I said it's a family home that's gone from one member to another. It's not a high value home but has been well cared for. The plan is for us to live there and ideally it would go to one of his children when we're ready to move on. I'm ok with this. If they don't want it we'll figure out what to do then but right now selling isn't something anyone wants to do.

We aren't exactly low income. Together we fall into middle class. Until earlier this year I had ALOT of debt due to my ex and some medial complications in my early twenties. I went through a bankruptcy which I'm not proud of but we were struggling and getting behind. On top of it we HAD To replace his car.

At this point we have replaced the car. We found something small, simple, and used but with a great payment that leaves us more than enough each mother to cover other surprise expenses. The car is completely in my name and is solely mine on the loan. Should anything happen between us the plan is for him to get my old car which has very little value but runs well and me to keep this car. Should anything happen between us I CAN afford a one bedroom apartment and the car payment comfortable.

I have a decent paying job while being maxed out when it comes to upward movement. I work in a public hospital right now which I like because of the benefits and stability. If we move I have a good job prospect but it's in privet care which is unstable near holidays. I've worked in privet care before and I HATED it because I was considered the manager for my department without much support. I was also forced to use my PTO to make up for hours that had to be cut during holidays. This meant that I still got the same pay but didn't have freedom to use vacation when I wanted to. If we move I can get a job there (I've had it offered multiple times) but I would most likely take a small pay cut (we're talking less than a dollar per hour) since I wouldn't still be the head of the department like I am now. I would also be a risk of having to take over as manager at any moment should my boss leave which I don't want. It's more the stress of the job that worries me.

SO could transfer locations but at least temporarily would have to take a lower position. He also has a job offer to return to the location he was at that he MIGHT be able to get on in a higher position then he left. We aren't sure of this but basicly we both would have jobs and while we would see a pay cut its something that we could adjust to and be ok. That's of course is if our expenses don't change.

Now yes I am hoping VA get's settled before this all happens. I've hoped that from day one because it has the potential of doubling our monthly income or at least helping. SO IS in the process of getting that take care of. I DO know for a fact he has submitted paperwork that was requested to find more records he needs to get his DD2114 fixed. He also has an appointment with a nonprofit veteran support group. This is all stuff he told me last week that I was able to verify yesterday. Yes we're still unsure of how long this will take but it's still be worked on and SO has done all he can to take care of it at this point in time.

There is still a lot to figure out and things I'm not sure of. I do realize this isn't going to be cheap and I will continue to fund much of this while having no intent to get anything out of it should something happen between us. I am secure in my current position and don't intend to do anything to change that. I have a 401K which is completely mine and I have no intent to touch it early. I WILL NOT be taking from it to fund the home. That is not an option. That is also my security for the future if anything happens between us.

SO makes a decent amount but child support takes a third of his income. He CAN afford to live alone. He just can't do it well and to a standard the children deserve. He was managing before I met him and he could return to that. He was living in a one bedroom home near his work. He could go back to that.

Basicly I think there are a lot of things we don't agree on. I DON'T want to own this home myself. I'm fine putting into it and looking at it as if I'm paying rent. I understand that the rent we won't be spending will need to be saved to cover cost of repairs when they come up. I don't see that happening in the near future (6 months less) which will let us save up a couple thousand. Yes we'll take pay cuts but we're not talking thousands of dollars. We may also have a lower cost of living in that city and more important it's where we WANT to be for the children. We WANT this home for them. This may allow us to make the move we've been trying to make.

To summarize.

This IS something I WANT. This isn't something I'm just doing to make him happy. I also want to live closer to the children to be more active in their lives. I DO like this home and WILL be happy living in it. I AM happy to look at the money I put into it as if it were rent knowing if anything happens I can cut and run freely at any time. I AM secure alone and am not dependent on him I have no plan to jeopardize that or do anything that would harm my long term plans in relation to retirement. I also don't see this being the place we stay forever. Honestly I see this as the next 10 years of our lives. Once the kids have grown I see us moving on and transferring the house to the next family member. I'm OK with that. I do understand it's not the best finial move and we'll be dumping a lot into something that we don't plan to sell but I am OK with that.

I DO understand this is expensive and there is a lot to figure out. The thing is we DO have time to do that. This isn't happening tomorrow. The best idea I have is that we could move in completely around the start of next year. That gives us 6 months to continue to save and ensure we are stable enough to do this. It also gives us 6 months to continue working on SO's VA claim. SO HAS done everything he can at this point and we are waiting on the senators office. NO I don't know how long that will take. So far it's been a pretty fast turn around. I honestly expect something within the next week or so. This SHOULD be the final thing we need to get his claim submitted. This isn't just my thought. The VSO agrees. Once we file yes it's a waiting game but we'll also get back pay for a year+ so anywhere from 1K to 30k+ that the plan is to put into savings for the home. Again I REALIZE there's a lot of stuff that we don't know in terms of what he will get. I can only look at his disabilities compared to those I know and gauge in relation to them. I would GUESS we're looking at least 50%.

Again thank you. There is a lot to still figure out.