Shit, lol, sounds like you found my formerSO.

The warning label IS the kid. This tells you right off of the bat that they come with different baggage than childless people.

It takes longer than a year to really get to know someone. It can take even longer to really see what kind of a parent they are, and what kind of an ex they are. Which are both clues to what kind of person they really are.

The fact that your wife has a child is not the problem. The fact that she has a personality disorder IS the problem.

My DH is a great partner, despite BM's protestations to the contrary. He parented his kid and never expected anything from me in that area. He never let the kid or BM disrespect me. 

I don't think all people with children are rotten parents or partners.
If they are divorced with children, sometimes the problematic aspects of their personality was in place before the kids arrived.
It is still in place with you, whether there are kids or not.

Many people with children are pretty normal and can well balance their relationship to their partner and children.
Problem here is that we are probably on the receiving end of having being partnered with a parent incapable of managing their kids or ex and because it is our situation, everybody else's has to be that way too: not so.

The SO is the problem.
IF he/she knew how to conduct him/herself properly, his/her kids would be called to order, the ex would be put in their place and you as a partner would be treated with the respect and love you deserve.

I want to add that not all people made a mistake with the parent of their child/ren.
Not all kids were the result of poor relationship judgements - that in itself is a red flag for a partner- but in the worst case scenario, some people are widowed through no fault of their own and would not consider their spouse of kid a mistake, even if you do. 

Yes the love bomb the first year and completely fake. Be prepared for a life of being disrespected and taken for granted. If you dare mention that you will be raged at, told to leave or ghosted.

You can’t be human and don’t expect any help or form of partnership you’re on you’re own. He won’t be there for you. Only his kids

I love my DH but I am pretty sure had we dated longer and had I spent more time with his spawn, I would have ended the relationship!  And I lived steplife before DH but this was a whole new set of issues.   I knew I didn’t like his kids and felt like he was pawning them off on me but I kept thinking it would get better once we lived in a together home.  Nope.  I thought...give it time for all the kids to adjust...nope.    In time we will be one big happy family....nope.   Had I given it a few more months I would have been out.   

But alas, I am here.  Fortunately I am on the downhill slide if stephell.  My disengagement holds strong and DH has learned to leave me out of it (99% of the time). I have found the balance of caring enough not to harm DHs relationship with YSS and not caring enough to stop doing what makes me happy.   And am at the point in my life that if DH isn’t on board with my choice, he can find the door. 

Thise damn rose colored glasses bit me in the Fanny but that’s doesn’t mean I have to keep them on.

Oh DH had bright red warning labels all over him, but I was in LOVE!!

That was 15 years ago and here we are. Our marriage has been through some SH*T! But the one thing that we both can appreciate is that nobody else has gone through what we have so when people judge us for our choices, we can look at each other and shrug and move on, because we have each other's backs.

Character flaws are not limited to divorced people or people with prior relationship children.  My XW and I married when I was 23 and she was 20.  Neither of us had children or had been married. 

Both of us were from families with long term marriages between our bioparents.

By all indicators it should have been a good marriage considering the public facade of the parents we were raised by. As it turned out... only my parents were quality people and only I was all in on the marriage.

My XW was a cavern crotched serial adulteress skank whore before the wedding and never stopped after the wedding (I did not learn of the depth of her moral depravity until years after the divorce).  My XILs turned out to be embezzlers of $millions for decades and finally got nailed for their crap 9 years after their daughter gave me the ultimate gift of playing the divorce card 2 years after we married. My XW was a beautiful, intelligent and focused young woman.  Unfortunately that facade covered the toxic shallow and polluted gene pool traits.  My family loved her. None of us saw reality.  XW graduated with honors with a BS in Nursing.  I did most of her projects and research papers for her.  She got into grad school after our divorce but ended up failing out since I was not there to write her papers for her.

My bride of 25+ years had SS when she was 16.  Though the school attempted to get her to drop out and go to pregnant girl school, she chose to remain in HS and graduate with her class. She graduated with honors and continued on to a dual major BS with honors, an MBA with honors and to a successful career as a CPA.  She never once asked me to do her course work for her.  Interestingly when she was working on papers and projects and asked my opinon it usually ended up in a long debate and ultimately she followed her own counsel.  I am extremely proud of her.

Mistakes do not necessarily indicate crtically flawed character.  Those who learn from mistakes are often far above those who never make mistakes to learn from as far as character is concerned.

My single teen mom bride has always been superior to my XW.  My XW had her first out of wedlock child in her early 20s after completing her BS Nursing with her geriatric Fortune excutive sugar/baby daddy that was the last one she cheated with while we were married. She went on to two more out of wedlock children.  One more with the geriatric sperm donor and the last one with the BF she cheated on the geriatric sperm donor with after Grampa sugar/baby daddy finally married her.

At 16 my amazing bride figured out what causes out of wedlock pregnancies.  Something my XW never figured out even after graduating from Nursing school and squeezing out a couple of OOWL spawn.