Now I ain’t sayin’ she a gold digger....

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Not technically step related but.....

DH’s 84 year old dad called to our house for morning tea yesterday grinning like a Cheshire Cat. I asked him what he was so happy about to which he replied he ‘had a new romance’ but that she was ‘a bit younger’.

By a bit younger, he means she is 50 years old to his 84 years young!

We have been here before. 2 years ago he flew from Australia to America and proposed to a woman he met online that he had never met before. Needless to say, that hit the fan and went nowhere.

I feel bad as obviously he is lonely but it is almost like he is asking to get conned out of his money. It’s ridiculous!

My husbands nephew was engaged to an imaginary

Singer. She was real, he had never met her in real life but was engaged. Turns out he wasn’t sure he had her number because he got the numbers of several women. Whats even more hilarious is the person he’d thought he was engaged who was a singer whom he never met, was always sick in hospital from lung transplant surgery that he couldn’t see her.

she has the belting voice of like Anastasia or christina aguilera.... not possible if she just had a lung transplant. To top it off it turns out a gay boy was conning him and pretending to be this chick the whole time.

the laughs in our family how effed up this was and embarassing. Nephew apparently was so traumatised that any cousins of his getting married he couldn’t know or it would upset him...

all kinds of weird stuff happen and i get the wanting to be protective and make sure your dad isn’t taken advantage of. My sil was conned out of like 60 grand and didn’t wanna press charges. She was embarassed about everything with her son and fake relationship

that's a proper CatFish scenario...

That could be on MTV's Catfish tv show!! It always surprises me how people fall for it when they haven't met the person or at least even Facetimed them to verify that they are who they say they are. I guess when people think they are in love, all caution goes out the window.There has been enough stories in the news by now that you'd think people would be a bit wiser to getting asked for money.

A girl I used to work with, her mum lost her house as she remortgaged it to give 100k to some bloke she met online. The police said once the money had gone offshore (to Nigeria, although he purported to be French Canadian) there was nothing they could do. The crazy thing was, even after the police said it was a love scam, he got back in touch with her and she sent even more money! That was the shocking bit. The absolute power of self-delusion.

Yeah hubbys family had a secret whatsapp family chatting

group about this. We were overseas at the time and each sibling was doing recon online, we all found red flags mins in and it was so hilarious the stupidity. One of my sil went to their eldest brother to talk to this sister because she was being conned, he said he didn’t wanna meddle and washed his hands off

i told my husband you need to step up and guide her because you’re an educated banker. He actually took hold of the situation to give her guidance. Things amped up when we were in the country. Oh and the gay boy that was in love with my husbands macho straight nephew, they were sleeping in our bed in hubbys childhood home when he tried to make a move on him, we have a permanent reminder of that incident with a punched hole in bedroom door...

Lol! DHs grandfather married

Lol! DHs grandfather married a 45 year old woman from Russia when he was 87 years old. Three years later she took off with his money and he died shortly after. She didn’t know enough to come back for the house. Maybe she had some compassion at least. She just cleaned out his cash. Sad huh.

that's really sad.

DH's mum died 30 years ago, so his dad lost her and was widowed pretty young in life. So because he is so lonely, I said to DH, your dad is ripe for the plucking to get conned. No wonder these love scams are so effective.

I just can't see any woman of 50 being interested in a man who could be her father. He is fit and still mentally all there but still.

Lol this post is sure gonna come out with funny

ridiculous relationship con stories

Ugh. I'm so grateful my

Ugh. I'm so grateful my widowed mother has no interest in remarrying. "Why would I want some old man!" she says.

Maybe she needs a boy toy

Hmmmm

My DH is 30 years older than me ... I was financially independent when we met and married. Unfortunately, I have been accused of being a gold digger for the entire 13 years of our marriage (plus a few other choice words) Not all younger women are after money.

There's a big difference

There's a big difference between 25 with 55 and 50 with 84.

I don’t agree

my husband is in his late 80’s and I am in my 50’s so I have to disagree with that perspective ...

but you met and married him years ago...

I think that's the difference. You didn't met him yesterday and he was in his 80's.

Yes, that's what I meant -

Yes, that's what I meant - when you meet.

DH and I have an age gap relationship

of some 11 years and I've seen others that work really well. In this instance, I just can't see why a 50 year old woman would want to start a relationship with someone in their dotage. I really cant.

My bride and I are 11.5 years

My bride and I are 11.5 years apart. It is working for us... so far. Or at least it has been working for the last 25 years.

Precisely!

DH and I have an age difference,however, I am educated (several degrees), BK's father and I divorced after 25 years. I was a with him before his career began, and I was there after he retired, and entitled to half his retirement. We used HIS uncle as our divorce attorney. At MY suggestion, I waived my rights to half of his retirement check. How many women do you know who would do THAT? Especially if they are "gold diggers?"

Fast forward 15 years, I moved on, met DH, dated for many years before marrying. I knew eventually, his plan was to give everything to his very wealthy adult kids who have multiple homes, etc. I also knew he protected his previous wife diligently, and looked out for her financial future and her well-being. She was able to live in their home (the one we now live in) until she passes. I do not have that luxury because of SD's manipulation of DH. It's complicated at best.

DH and I work hard, side by side daily, and we are very active. I gave up my career to be his 24/7 wife/"rock" (his words) & companion. Something he had NEVER had in his lifetime, and long term family and friends have told me, (& DH) "He's been married before, but he's never had a loving companion and wife until now. Everyone else was always in it for what THEY COULD GET out of it."

Other sacrifices have been made on my behalf as well, yet adult SK's have accused me of "using dad." Really, how? To the average onlooker, it could appear (and this has been called to my attention) that SK's and DH could be using me, as I am substantially younger (not quite a 30 year age difference), and couldn't they be using me, as SK's are NEVER here if DH has health issues or needs surgery, (he's very active) so I guess people see only what they choose to.

I realize "sex" isn't everything to a marriagem and I have given up traditional bedroom intimacy, during the prime of my life, as it is just not possible at his age, and I'm ok with that. Why? Because I LOVE HIM.

I guess like the word "stepmother" conjures up prejudicial images, marriages with age differences also do. Stereoptypes are unfair, but they exist.

The bottom line is, if it works for THE COUPLE, that is all that matters. Most people trying to figure out my life would do very well to put that energy toward themselves, and try to figure out their own.

I wish him all the happiness, and hope the intentions here are pure.

What is a 'career spouse?"

Being Married To Someone During Their Entire Career

I sent you a message.

Thanks, I replied.

I'd never heard that before x

Good for him, hope he has

Good for him, hope he has some fun. Your DH should have a talk with him about protecting his finances just in case. She may just want a stable daddy figure or she may want money or a bit of both. Maybe he wants a caretaker! If he has all his ducks in a row, will already written, and finances protected then there's not much damage a new woman can do.

A new marriage renders a previous will invalid.

Where we are in Australia it does. Also, a partner of over 2 years establishes 'de facto' rights equivalent to a spouse.

Is he really planning on

Is he really planning on getting remarried at 84? I do hope his son will talk some sense into him and protect himself if he does enter into this arrangement. There are many ways to protect your assessts besides a will. I have no idea what Australian laws are and barely know the ones in the US since every state is different.

If he wants to ensure he has a younger caretaker it would be cheaper to hire a visiting nurse!

The M word hasn't come up

but he was engaged to an American lady he had known for all of 5 minutes a couple of years ago. I just have a horrible feeling he is about to get tuned.....

One of my employees in the

One of my employees in the Middle East fell for a mid 20s Philipina girl who was an Admin at our company. He was divorced with adult children older than his GF. He decided to retire to the Philipines so he built a home there. Apparently foreigners can't own property there so the house had to be in his fiance's name. He flew to the PI for leave and when he arrived home he found his fiance' shacked up in his house with a young police officer BF. He ended up losing just about everything he had invested in the PI since it was all in his fiance's name.

The number of people that fall for this kind of crap is mind boggling and so sad. But.... deserved if they are that stupid.

Maybe they learn enough from the experience that they won't fall for it again.

Some people have nothing left after the first experience

Their adult children have a legitimate concern they will end up suppoting a parent

My parerents always operated

My parerents always operated from the perspective that they would never be a burden to their sons. All parents should operate from that perspective IMHO.

They are 77 & STB 75 and still remain dedicated to that philosphy. They will never require support from me or my brother. My wife and I spend a lot of time with my parents and it is always a scramble to pick up the check when we are with them. They are extremely sensitive about not being a burden.

Interestingly my ILs are a financial train wreck of never ending crappy financial decisions. My wife refuses to throw our resources down that never ending bottomless pit of financial idiocy. Interestingly the rest of the family has struggled in the endless loop of putting themselves into financial dire straights to bail out someone else in the family. None of them ever ask for our help but a number of them apply their passive agressive guilt crap fairly regularly. My wife tries to help by advising them on financial decisions (she is a CPA), researching financial and investment advisors in their area, outlining intelligent ways for them to manage their finances and cash flow, etc.... It has taken decades but more and more of the IL clan are getting on board with my DW's advice. Her Aunt has stopped throwing her money down the shit hole of the rest of the family's crappy decisions, my MIL has finally given complete control of her finances to an investment advisor who directly pays her house payment and regular bills out of her accounts and gives her an allowance from her accounts, and BIL1 and his wife followed the financial dispensation advice and plan that my bride developed for them. Their home is paid off, they no longer have any debt, and they have a decent balance in BIL1's wife's IRA. Most importantly they don't waste significant resources on bailing our SIL or BIL2 from their idiocy.

For some reason their pride won't let them ask us but they have no problem begging for money from each other and playing an endless deck of guilt cards with each other. I think it is because it is easier for them to go to people who make crappy decisions than it is to face people who don't.

IMHO there is no reason for adult children of financial idiots to have any concern about supporting a financial idiot of a parent. There is no difference between a parent learning a pointed lesson from their poor decision than there is for a teen or young adult to learn a pointed lesson from poor decisions. Advise, pare down the life style and crappy decisioning so that the financial decisioning moron of a parent can survive within their means, absolutely. Cut a check... never.

IMHO of course.

That is a good point

Thankfully, DH has siblings. There's no way I would bail him out should he hypothetically get fleeced. DH and I do the 'who would you give money to if you won the lotto?" Me: 'No one' LOL.

We have had that discussion

We have had that discussion as well. Interestingly the answer always comes up as it has IRL. The people who are not a good investment IRL don't get anything in fantasy lottery life either. Those who are worthy, we would pile it on for.

If we were to win the big lottery, those who are self supporting and don't scam money out of people we would spoil. Those that scam money out of people and repeatedly pull the same stupid financial decisions and toxic crap would have to stand around watching as those who earn spoiling get spoiled as we enjoy spoiling them.

I have a number that makes

I have a number that makes sense to me as far as age differences between spouses is concerned. 20 years is at the upper end of acceptable age differences in my mind. I am 12 years (11.5 actually) the elder in our 25+ year marriage. We met when I was 29 and DW was 18 and married when I was 30 and she was still 18. She turned 19 a month after we eloped. We had our 25 anniversary a couple of months ago and my wife turned 44 a month later. I am 55. It is looking pretty good so far for us........

A good friend of mine from HS was the son of a woman with a significantly elder DH. Mrs. G was in her mid 30s and her second DH was in his mid 80s. My friend had a younger brother who was about 8 years younger than he is that his mom had with his elderly StepDad. Unfortuneately that marriage didn't last either and though his StepDad passed about 10 years after I met him his mom divorced the StepDad over the StepDads's infidelity. Rich old guys seem to have increased incidents of a skewed sense of proprienty when it comes to fidelity within marriage.

May to December certainly can work. January to December... not so much. A 50 year age difference is definately out of line. 30 years probably is too.