Exhausted from drama with SD
I haven't posted in a while but nothing much has changed since my last post. My SD is still causing issues . She will be 18 next month but still refuses to accept this marriage . It's been almost 2 years. All her dad has asked of her is that she accept this marriage and not make him choose between her and myself. He wrote her a very long letter in the early spring this year explaining to her that he wants her in his life but she can't be disrespectful to me . She doesn't have to like me but she does have to respect me and my home if she wants to be apart of his life. She refuses to listen. Instead of reading g his letter and trying for a fresh start she got on social media for Fathers day and blasted my husband calling him a bad father and posted a pic of her and her mom thanking her mother for playing both roles. My husband who pays child support to the max and pays her cell phone and has begged her to be apart just broke down and cried when he saw this . He was so humiliated. She got another cell phone and didn't tell him and he had it cut off after finding out through family she was having him pay for a phone she didn't use and she messaged last week to him ( he doesn't have her new number ) through family that she was mad he cut her phone off! No activity on the line at all for 3 months! So she asked him ( only him ) to show up to her senior night football game and walk her and he told her that since she humiliated him on social media saying her mother played his role that she could let her mom walk her because even after she knew she hurt him she left the post up and she called him a piece of shit and told him to never speak to her again. Somehow he let this get to him and is calling himself a bad dad because he didn't give in to her demands and has demanded her respect. I'm just so tired of feeling like until she gets her way she will always cause trouble
And that is why she does it..
And that is why she does it....because it works. She has him feeling guilty. She probably figures if ahe waits it out, he will crack and give in to her whims. Hopefully, your DH will be able to stand firm. Otherwise, the problem will just get worse.
I really wish I could get my
I really wish I could get my husband to see that. I guess he feels like because he ignores the things and doesn't react he is somehow abandoned her because I have asked him to not engage with her until she is ready to apologize and make it right with him and not make him choose or be so disrespectful.
Somehow he let this get to
Somehow he let this get to him and is calling himself a bad dad because he didn't give in to her demands and has demanded her respect. I'm just so tired of feeling like until she gets her way she will always cause trouble
Your H feels awful I get it but he needs to remember that he can’t negotiate with a terrorist. What type of BS is this that if he doesn’t give in to her demands all bets are off? What type of relationship is that? It’s all one sided with no understanding, respect or healthy boundaries. If he gives in now it will only set the stage for her to ramp up the manipulation more.
She’s always going to cause problems for as long as your H allows his daughter to impact him. He has to maintain his boundaries and if she chooses not to….her loss.
I agree and that exactly what
I agree and that exactly what I've told my H. This child since she was born knew she was #1 in his life even over her own mother who resented her but now uses exactly what she couldn't stand about their relationship against him . She has refused to accept this marriage and wanted me excluded from everything and her dad to be all about her as she always has had until me. I guess that's why she hates me because I took that away. But I refused to be 2nd to her like her mother was all those years and wasnt allowing her to call the shots in my marriage
You are only 2 yrs in without sk
acknowledging you. Some of us have been married 5, 10 or 15 yrs with the same issues.
You and hubby are in this marriage/relationship, stop letting a child dictate your relationship and marriage. They don’t tell you how it goes or will work. You 2 made a committee to be together, kids with no relationship experience or skills get to tell you what to do.
your husband just needs to separate his relationship with daughter from your marriage-partnership unit...
I am a mother of a 17 year
I am a mother of a 17 year old DD that I almost never see....it's been almost 2 years and I see her for 5 or 10 minutes once a month if our paths cross.. I will see her on Christmas and her Birthday b/c she wouldn't want to miss out on getting gifts.....
Before this I spent an agonizing couple of years of her hating me, hating that her dad and I divorced, hating my new husband...and the HATING the fact that I was going to have another baby. She be-littled me, was rude to me, said awful horrible things to me and my DH (egged on her by her father), and ultimately told me...in her words "mom, you are so annoying and I don't have fun here so I am going to live with dad now". So her dad was so happy...b/c he had "won"......she also treated her sisters like crap...physically and emotionally abusive to them....the new baby was an annoyance and she hated her.....wouldn't even come see me and baby in the hospital....b/c her dad took her to lunch that day and she said "that was more fun"
My point is that I had no choice but to let her go....to disengage..she and my ex were waging a war on me that I could never win. And I did...I could no longer take it....I could no longer watch her make my other children (her siblings) feel bad.....so she lives with her dad and has no desire to ever see me.
Now, up until the divorce...she 13...I was a stay home mom...I did it all for her. All sports, all school stuff, all play dates, birthday parties....mom and daughter stuff...almost picture perfect...but one day she flipped....and waged a war against me...I stopped trying to fight the war and let her go.
alot like your SD....she is selfish, entitled, thinks everyone owes her something....
Sounds like you go through
Sounds like you go through what my husband had had to endure. I have 2 kids myself and couldnt imagine them acting out this way so im blessed and I realize that. Both my kids accept my husband and this marriage. I love my husband very much and I hate to see him hurt so badly by her. It makes me resent her more for hurting him. She calls him names and post awful stuff on facebook and then hits him up when she needs something. I think this girl will never change cause she is determined she hasnt done anything wrong and its all her dad for choosing me over her. The only way I see her mending things with her dad is if he was to leave me and get me completely out of the picture. Cant imagine what you parents feel that go through this and I wish it could of been different but I cant allow this soon to be grown child to ruin my marriage or keep me this tore up always scared of what she comes up with next to rock the boat between me and my husband.
The only way I see her
The only way I see her mending things with her dad is if he was to leave me and get me completely out of the picture.
Best believe that if it weren't you it would be any other woman your H would be with. So he can leave you but if he's ever in another relationship it would still be the same thing. His daughter has to either accept it or not but she doesn't get to run or dictate his life and this is what she fails to realize.