Like nothing ever happened
DH went to have dinner with skid24 last night they havent really talked since skid's melt down back in April. The same melt down where skid hurled insults at DH and texting him telling him he is a POS etc (it's all on previous blog).
Dh came home and said they had a nice visit. I asked if skid apologized or spoke about that day. Dh said no, we just had a nice visit.
Kind of disappointed in DH that he was not man enough, or parent enough too bring up the discussion. Especially during the not talking period he was very hurt and very angry. But truly I thought it would go this way. I even told DH that you teach people how to treat you. He just taught his son that he can treat his dad like shit and it's all good.
I have no desire to see skid at all and I refuse to. Dh can go have lunch or dinner with skid without me.
Next weekend is Canadian Thanksgiving and I invited my sister and her family, my mom and my MIL and skid is not invited.
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Well, your DH can have
Well, your DH can have whatever relationship he wants to with him, as long as he doesn't try to involve you.
It is not all that unusual in families, to just go on as if nothing has happened, but YOU don't have to proceed in that fashion. You stick to your guns and keep your boundaries.
Honestly, DH hasn't talked at
Honestly, DH hasn't talked at all to SS19 about all the stuff that went down when he was alienated, and my DH is nobody's idea of a wimp.
It's not the best idea to go in with guns blazing when a relationship is fragile and you want to repair it. You have every right to not want SS24 in your life, though.
Tog is right
and you’ Often find when kids have been so alienated, that even when you present the facts, they are too brainwashed to accept them
Totally agree that my DH can
Totally agree that my DH can have whatever type of relationship he wants with skid, it’s sometimes just hard to watch. I have never witness someone treat one of their parents so badly especially when that parent has been has been nothing but kind and supportive. Skid is totally ungrateful for anything that DH has done for him. I came from 2 people that should have never become parents, they were way too selfish for that and my mother is an alcoholic. Skid does not realize how lucky he is or what’s it’s like to have terrible parents.
Skid’s behavior was over the top when he had his melt down, even DH admitted that he thinks his son has some kind of mental illness. The narcissistic behavior was unreal.
It’s hard to watch someone you love be treated so badly.
I will be sticking to my guns and at this time I will not have anything to do with skid.
I do get that - I hated
I do get that - I hated watching SS treat DH with so much contempt. I am fortunate that while he hasn't talked to him about that period of his life, he won't try to buy him, and I think that if SS acted as yours did now that they have re-eestablished a relationship, my DH would say something to him.
I guess I always come back to the unconditional love parents have for kids - not that they should allow their kids to abuse them, but that they will forgive a lot more than we step parents ever would.
My DH has never corrected his
My DH has never corrected his DD58. He never will. He takes any attention she gives him, no matter. Neither have ever apologised to me for the nasty emails and betrayal. I am over it. We have been married 39 years.
I gave up on it totally 9 years ago. As long as I am not expected to put up with SD and don't have to listen to the wrath she dishes out I'm good with whatever their problems bring to the two of them. Not my problem, and I refuse to listen about, or discuss SD, with anyone, except here on Steptalk.
Hang in there with your disengagement and boundaries. Stay here for support.
it makes me sick in my
it makes me sick in my stomach when I read stories here where kids treat their parents like garbage--THEN act like nothing happened.
Sad to read the parents think so little of themselves that they take this AND will not tell the kids 'you can call me a sob OR treat me like garbage all you want but your gonna do it from a distance".
No way do we put up with that in our home....
Sorry about this OP...
You may not tolerate it in
You may not tolerate it in your home but do you cut your kid off forever if he refuses to apologize?
This SS doesn’t think he did anything wrong. I doubt my SS does, either.
This is the way your DH parent
SS whold life. DH can not change now. SS will talk with your DH as long the money train keeps on rolling. Just make sure this kid never moves in or stays over your house.
One can assume; this is not the first time
Tog---over and over and over again, abusing adult parents YOU bet your britches take a hike is in order.. Why should anyone, at any age, no matter what the circumstance live with abuse.
Sure I am very compassionate when there is a crappy moment when a kid OR adult is upset and will say something they wish they didn't. BUT Tog, wouldn't you agree saying your sorry and wont do it again IS important?
So, yes Tog,,,a decision to say "take a hike" is not an easy one---Sometimes it is a necessary one.
I don’t understand why a
I don’t understand why a parent puts up with abuse anymore than I understand why some people put up with a partner who beats the sh*t out of them. My SIL’s son (in his 30s) beat her up, stole her car, phone, and purse. She drives 200 miles every other weekend to go see him in prison. She would have dropped the charges if that had been an option.
This Is All Part of the Phenomenon in the STEP Dimension/World
SD tried that too. DH lied about seeing her, only the other Adult "SK." It slipped months later he had seen her. I asked how that went, as the last time we'd seen her in person (almost 50 years old) was when she screamed and carried on for almost a solid hour, unprovoked, uninterrupted, uncorrected. Later she would try to work her "manipulative (narc) magic" and I called BS on it and refused to take the bait. It hurt me that she was so callous and ugly to my DH, and to myself and there was absolutely NO PENALTY. At first I thought I deserved an apology, then I concluded that it wouldn't be sincere and she's nothing to me or my world anyway, so what would be the point of that? A short time later, when DH tried to create a "healthy boundary" with her. She called non-stop, leaving one venemous , hateful voicemail after another (all of which I have and saved in mulitple mediums). So when he saw her and I found out about it, I asked, "Well, how did that go?" he said it was a nice visit, and it was strictly business. Oh ok, right. I was born in the dark but it wasn't LAST NIGHT. I asked, "How did you all manage to even talk when the last time you saw her she was handing your ass to you? Was there no discussion about her horrible behavior?" He said there wasn't and that they just "...picked up where they left off." I told him that is abusive, and sociopathic. Who does that? I also told him if he continues to try to have a relationship with his DD who continues to abuse him,(& me) I would have no choice (my licensures force me to report abuse) but to report her for elder abuse and exploitation (for monetary string pulling she's strongly encouraged and harassed him to go through with). That seems to have taken care of our "problem."
I hope things smooth over for you. I wish these men would all have an epiphany moment regarding the elephant in the room. Until then...know that all these SKs tend to read from the same play book.
I refuse to take her abuse and narcissistic behaviors. I will not put up with it. I will not allow my DH to put up with it. We are a team, end of story!
Miss Texas sounds like your
Miss Texas sounds like your SD is just like my SS. It’s exhausting to deal with, that’s why I don’t want anything to do with my skid.
It seemed that my husband had an epiphany however over 5 months of no contact made hm weak again. But he can make his own choice about his relationship with his son just like I have the same right.
Good for you for not putting up with it.
This really strikes a chord
This really strikes a chord with me right now because I'm no contact with my own mother. There had been a raft of really bad things she's done to deliberately hurt me in over the past few months and I've simply had enough. She's a narcissist and she's incapable of apologising or respecting boundaries. If I engage with her again, she will attempt to hurt me again. It's been the pattern for the past 50 years. I will either get hurt or be exhausted by mental vigilance required to avoid being hurt. Including not letting her be around my partner who she flirts with in front of me (he doesn't respond) and who she told the first time she met him that I had too many mental illnesses to be in a relationship. This is the best relationship of my life and she's tried to sabotage it. She continues to tell my brother that she "can't believe how good looking (my partner) is". WTF? Who does that? She's stolen money from me, lied to and about me, etc etc. It's never ending.
She has recently made an approach to me which I haven't responded to yet. But the urge to have a 'normal' relationship between parent and child is strong. Even when I know it can't be normal.