No... I don't feel this way.  

It sounds like you have some fundamentally different views of finances.. I think a meeting with a financial/credit counselor would be helpful if you want to try to work on things with your SO... if the "other" isn't as bad and this is just one area of contention.

It might be helpful for you SO to hear from a 3rd party some truths about finances.  But.. if it is arguing over everything.. and there IS a difference between disagreement and arguing... I might seek more counseling.. or a lawyer..lol.

You said one thing about your SO that piqued my interest. To paraphrase, you said that he felt like he earned his money and he deserved to spend it. That thinking is the kind of thinking that drives people to bankruptcy. I know this, because my DH is the same way. He has no money sense. BM didn't either, so they didn't fight about money, they just never paid any bills. I told DH repeatedly - even before he was my DH - that I would not live like he did with BM and that might mean that SSs can't have everything they want. We've had some raging fights about that. 

So, I don't know if it's normal, but I do think it's common, especially when people have different philosophies about money and different levels of capability when it comes to managing money. It's not easy to teach and adult how to manage money...especially when he or she grew up with parents who were not great at managing money. 

Really, though, giving his ex something that was yours would send me way over the edge. He's not married to her anymore, so he shouldn't be providing for her...full stop. 

It is not normal for everything to be an argument.  However, all of the examples you cited are about finances.  He wants to spend money on himself, his kids and his ex, and he doesn't want to spend money for your kids' school.  You don't want to spend money on him, his kids and his ex, and you do want to spend money for your kids' school.  Do you fight about other things, or is it just money?

If it's just money, and you both make a good living, would it make sense to split finances?  You could deposit equitable amounts into an account to pay household bills and expenses; you would each fund your respective retirements and kids' college funds, and the rest would go into separate accounts.  He could buy things for his kids from his account and you could pay tuition from your account, and you wouldn't need to agree on those items.  If most of your fights are about finances, that might remove a lot of the tension.  

Yes!!!!!! My DH and have had more “fights” in a month than I had with my exH over 16 years.

DH and I are also total opposites and the age gap is also staring to show its ugly head.

i don’t remember ever crying in my marriage to my ex in all those years about my marriage.....now I’m lucky If I make it 24 hours with crying. Ugh.

So, he works hard and should be able to spend his money how he sees fit (excessive on his kid's WANTS). Yet, you on the other hand, should pull your children out of private school?

And he wants to GIVE his EX a vehicle?

I think that you definitely should not have shared finances but contribute equitably to your joint bills. Also, an agreement on retirement savings.

UNLESS this is not the only large disagreement you have with your spouse. If you strongly disagree on multiple topics, you may want to consider the idea that you just might not be compatible with one another. 

OP - you guys are dealing with NINE kids. I'm not sure how there could NOT be a fight every day. 

My DH and I rarely fight but he has one kid and I have none. And his one kid doesn't stay at our house anymore, he's 19 and lives full-time with BM. 

I don't mean to be snarky, but I can't imagine how you guys thought this could work. 

Oh my goodness, I just realized from Tog's comment that you're the one with 4 kids married to the guy with 5 kids who has told you he'll make it difficult for you to leave.  

That changes things.  Your problems aren't just financial - you have a husband who expects you to be mom to 5 girls he doesn't parent.  Of course you fight all the time.  You've been married less than a year, right?  If you're fighting this much during the honeymoon period, and there are NINE kids that you're trying to blend, and you don't see eye to eye on many things, I think your relationship is doomed and your best bet is to position yourself to get out as unscathed as possible.  Especially since he's already making threats.  Start planning your escape.

That not you don't agree it he still has ties with his ex.  You have bigger problems then not being on the same page.  He putting his ex and kids before you.  That really bad.  CS should be enough.  He does not have support the ex.  He is supposed to support you. 

Good lawd

I’m sorry but he sounds like one big loser/user to me. 

I am going through something similar.  But my DH makes almost double what I make and I am still covering the majority of the bills.  I told him last night that I was about to take over control of both of our paychecks so we can save some $ and get some debt paid down.  I can tell he's hesitant to let me control all the $ because he's used to spending his how he wants while I struggle to make ends meet with almost half the $.  I told him it's got to be that way until he learns to handle $ or we won't be married much longer.  If I'm going to struggle with him there when he has the means to help, I'd rather struggle without him and not have 3 extra people to cook, clean, buy groceries, wash clothes for.