Not understanding any of this..
SS 17 (18 in December). Doesn’t seem to be motivated for anything. Just passing in school when really he could be a straight A student without much effort. On his computer or in front of tv all the time, I think there may be screen addiction. Still not driving. No interest in getting part time work. Only half school days. His father took away his electronics. So he watched movies on phone. Took away phone so watched movies on school computer. Took away school computer so watched bad tv because we took away remotes. Sleeps after school watches tv all night.
Got caught having snuck out with SS16. Both kids had phones taken away. Following day given phones back because they vacuumed and cleaned their own bathroom. I said so they are rewarded for something they are supposed to do anyway? Husband said yes it was good because they are not used to doing it.
same day SS 17 had girlfriend over in bedroom with door closed when her mother had specifically said no door closed. It has happened multiple times. Husband doesn’t notice. When I tell him he says ‘open the door’ instead of punishing for blatantly breaking rules. I had had enough with husband at this stage as we were fighting. Packed bags and said I’m leaving. 45 mins down highway thought ‘this is stupid, we live each other, if it’s going to break up why be awful about it. Got home and husband had allowed SS17 friends over to stay the night because he has been ‘hard on him’...?
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Same situation here!!! It
Same situation here!!! It sucks so bad. SD17 is exactly the same as you described and my DH is the same.
It makes so angry that I can barely cope.I totally know how you feel.
I have already told my DH that when kids graduate....we are selling our home and buying a small home with NO ROOM for adult children...ever. It's either that or I will be getting a divorce without question. No lazy ass step kid is gonna live with me as an adult....I won't cave...this is my hill to die on....period. Maybe approach it that way???
It’s harder than that
He also has a almost 22yr old son that claims depression and social anxiety. I agree there are some issues there but he is also not a nice kid. Doesn’t say happy mother’s/Father’s Day. Won’t even pay for his own phone bill. Was living here but moved to his mothers basement where he can take two community college classes and play computer games the rest of the time. Now the middle one is repeating word for word what the older one has been saying. I’m depressed, I’m embarrassed to talk to people. And he thinks he is a smart sneaky little thing but gets caught out in lies all the time. But once they utter words like depression what can you do? Eldest was seeing a therapist and I’ve been pushing for husband to take middle one too. It’s all just ‘not right’
Hasnt gotten any better
I went back and read your post from last year almost around this time.
Has ANYTHING gotten better? Has your DH learned ANYTHING? Must not have because the younger one is following in older ones footsteps.
So sad. SD13 doesnt want to be ANYTHING like her older sister SD20. Shes actually looking forward to getting her first job and learning to drive and going to colege. She even has college picked out. So sad that the parents are enabling the skids to be entitled brats.
Right?
I am willing to admit that I see things from a different view point since I don’t have kids of my own.
But I think this is ridiculous! Everyone around thinks it’s rificulous. Last time counselor told DH he needed to give more discipline with kids. So we are going again this week and I wonder if counselor telling him again will make a difference.
grrrrrr!!
I dont have any bios
Thusly I have learned that I have to "pick my battles" with Dh. Hopefully he will have an "aha" moment...not holding my breath however.
I hate to say this.. but
I hate to say this.. but there was likely a reason why your DH didn't find his soul-mate on the continental US.
His kids are problems... he has not done the hard work necessary for them to succeed.
Unfortunately, your choices at this point are to either back away quietly.. or suffer in silence knowing you are inviting drama into your life that you didn't create.
Haha
No no I came in soon after the divorce and I’m quite the catch. No one had even met his kids before me
Not that that it will make a difference,
Not that it will make a difference, but you should point out to him that if he continues to let the door be closed when the girlfriend is visiting, his son may end up having to get a job to pay the child support he is going to ordered to pay when the girlfriend gets pregnant.
Your H is the problem here.
Your H is the problem here. His lack of parenting and having consequences for his kids allows them to do whatever they want. He's a joke to them. He says he's going to do one thing and gives in a moment later...really? How are they ever expected to learn this way?
You packed your bags and left and end up turning around because "we love each other". How is that going to remedy the situation you have going on? Does H "love" you enough to take inventory on his shitty parenting and make changes?
No, he's not and this will persist and you will be in the middle of all of it.
No I meant..
I turned around because I thought we love each other and there is no reason ending it on a nasty note. If it’s not going to work out we can do it as calm adults, with love but a situation that is too difficult for it to work. I got back home last night and asked him to make an appointment with cous lot ASAP. Am now in waiting room waiting for him and counselor. He is open to feedback but doesn’t seem to continue with it. Our first and only counseling session last October he was told to discipline and I was told to be patient.. here we are a year later
Should I even care?
Ok why am I bothered about grades or sneaking out or smoking? Shouldn’t I just make a fuss about stuff that affects me? Dirty house etc
Take the f**king door off the hinges
If your DAH will not stand up to his son, then take the bedroom door off. Tell you DAH how it's going to be from now on. Many men have depended on their wife to raise the kids. so take over, if his brats don't like it, they can move into BM's basement along with the older brother.
Just tell DH what to do
It works for SK. Should work for you. There should be respect with love. How can you love someone you don't respect. Someone playing Disney dadddddy is more important then his wife ?