I don't want my son to grow up having parents and stepparents issues, but I can't keep pretending to be happy for the sake of everyone else.

You don’t want your son to grow up with the above but you think its ok for him to see the hell that you are going through now? Do you think that environment is any better? If anything its worse and the behavior that is being modeled to him will be ones that he will repeat. Break this toxic cycle and do what’s best for you and yours.

Your H doesn’t support you when it comes to his daughters and doesn’t back you up with BM. You can’t keep doing this alone and the fact that he’s slacking makes me wonder how you can continue to be “in love” with this man. You think you’re resentful now…..You haven’t seen nothing yet.

Welcome, Alapheria! I wanted to say that I hear you and my heart goes out for your struggles! It seems that you have most of the responsibility of a mother to three. It seems that your DH couldn't control the EX's behavior or words when he was with her, and when he is apart from her.  It seems that he doesn't want to waste his life or energy trying to control the EX's behavior or words. 

Perhaps when you find yourself in the position of wanting DH to fix a problem, (or put the EX in her place), with a broken EX, .....subsitute your baby son as a grown man, invision your adult son in the same situation trying to fix problems with a broken EX......

 As a mom, I wouldn't ever want my adult son in that situation trying to navigate problems with a broken EX ........who is not cooperating, not doing stuff right, not caring, not being responsible, wasting time money and resources. 

I would want my adult son to break free, do what he legally needs to do, and then parallel parent, never talk to BM and just let the kid go back and forth.  The kid doesn't have to break off that broken branch, but our adult sons should be able to break off that old BM broken branch and throw it out.   

Its so easy for the kid to go back and forth after school from one house to the other and then just live separate lives.  If his EX is abusive or mean, it makes it very peaceful to just be done with her and never talk to her again.  

anyway, I've been told that my analogies are bad, haha, but I just wanted to tell you that if you love him and the girls love you as a mommy, I can see where you would want to stay in your family!

I read your last blog but I didn't comment. You must be a very big hearted, forgiving and passionate woman as to take on your husband's two children that are essentially motherless. I understand that you feel guilty and like they need you because they have one useless mother and another almost useless father. Unfortunately though, as a mother I think your primary concern needs to be your son. The girls are going to have problems no matter what you do and how much love you throw at them because they have been abandoned by their parents and yet subjected to living with one of them and seeing the other occasionally. They don't really have a chance sadly. Your son however, has one loving capable parent who he depends on to protect him. Take him away from this mess. I'm not one to recommend divorce unless there's abuse but, in this situation it seems too toxic for you to stay. That's worse for your son than divorce. You already left twice and returned to give your husband a couple of chances and nothing has changed. 

Also, you don't have to give your son a stepparent on your side. That is within your control. Obviously you can't control his father and who he dates but, maybe you'd end up with majority custody anyway.

but!!! when you take your son and go, 

you will leave behind two Sdaughters who.....will need care... so your DH will find that caregiver for the home........ and then when he gets visitation with your son.........your son will still be in that situation with the daughters...and the EXBM...and the new caregiver whoever that may be......and your EXDH will be at work. 

and your EXDH may leave your son to be babysitted by SD's...alone!   and then son may be influenced by them and who they associate with.  (BM)  your son may be in the room when they facetime BM.... UGG

what will you do then?