Threatened my life

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My SS (18) dropped out of college and came home 2 weeks ago & then threatened my life 2 days ago. He said he would burn the house down and slit my throat. His father had to get in between us and now his father is telling him he can move back in if my step son apologizes to me. I'm not comfortable with that.

In college his housing was paid for & he kept saying he couldnt get food but wasnt applying to jobs. So he told his dad he would kill himself if he doesnt come home. I said he had to go to a crisis center before coming home and was disregarded. He is ALWAYS playing the victim. Always. The kid is spoiled but cries about how unfair everything is. Example: We told him he couldn't get a puppy. He brought a puppy home. SO told him to take the puppy away so he did. A day or two later the puppy and one of his friends were in the house. Since SO was at work, I reminded him (granted I was irritated but didn't yell) he needs to ask permission for people to come over and the puppy isn't allowed in the house. He had a melt down saying it wasn't fair and the other kids are treated so much better. Um. No. They need to ask permission for friends over as well & cant just bring home a puppy. Then he yelled at me for "going through his bedroom at 2am to use the bathroom" he sleeps in the living room. We only have one working bathroom right now. As soon as he does this type of stuff SO caves. He has no punishments, no boundaries & he is EXTREMELY scary.

After threatening to kill me (in front of my SS 16, DD 13, DS 11 & 1 year old) he "ran away to California (across the country)". He wasnt kicked out. Cops werent called. He threw a tantrum and ran away while my husband begged him to stay. My husband swore he was never going to see his son again even after I told him he would be back very shortly because this is his pattern. Literally the next day he had a friend message me and his father saying it was and emergency and he was vomitting blood and we needed to give her gas money to go pick him up. I said, no, call 911! Duh! Suprise surprise, another manipulative tactic, he came home just fine.

Well he is back and wants to move back in. I told my SO I would move out if he came back..... But it's my house too... why should I leave? I told him that and he said, "Well it would be your choice to leave you could just stay with me and SS" I have my children to protect and I'd rather not die. He is going to expect me to forgive my SS if he apologizes under this ultimatum and I won't. I think it's also important to note I told SO I was having nightmares about it and he told me I was over reacting.

So. Thoughts? Advice? Opinions?

Don't leave. Make him and his

Don't leave. Make him and his SS leave. SS is an adult and has no legitimate reason to still be living at home, especially if he's acting like that. Tell your SO that the safety of your youngest kids are priority to his thug of a SS. Change the locks on tbe door and call the cops on SS if he comes back

Thank you. The unanimous

Thank you. The unanimous response to this has made me feel like not such a shit of a human being.

Oh hell no. This is one of

Oh hell no. This is one of those make or break moments. You need to lay the law down to DH that this is not ok and SS is not moving back in. If DH wants to go pay for him to stay elsewhere or wants to move out with him then fine theres the door but SS is not coming back in.

If DH does the "well you can leave", yes you can, and itll be with divorce papers.

DH has 2 options, he finds a solution that still supports his wife and therefore with your support (to keep SS elsewhere) or he disregards his wife but does so knowing that its without your support and therefore will result in the demise of your marriage.

Yeah. At this point it's

Yeah. At this point it's clear what I need to do. I think I just needed reassurance.

YOU are the one who needed to

YOU are the one who needed to call 911, he threatened to kill YOU. Why didn't you do it? Why are you waiting for him to protect you? Protect yourself.

And move out. Don't get into a power struggle with a man who doesn't care if his child threatens to kill you. There's nothing there to be saved - save yourself.

^^^^This^^^^

I was too scared to, which is

I was too scared to, which is a problem itself I suppose. I was scared of how DH would respond.

You're right though. Nothing good comes from ultimatums.

Yes, it's a problem - what

Yes, it's a problem - what were you scared of more than your SS threatening to slit your throat and burn down your house?

The younger kids seeing

The younger kids seeing anymore drama. But they should have seen me stand up for myself. They should have seen me reach out and not cower.

Yes - they are seeing two men

Yes - they are seeing two men abuse you right now - your SS and your SO. Kids are traumatized by watching their mother be abused, even if it's not physical violence.

Please leave for your own safety and that of your kids. It's not worth the power struggle of forcing him out. You may not recoup your interest in the house, but you will be safe.

Yes. That is clear now.

Which scares you more:

SS will follow through with his threats
this will end in divorce

I certainly hope it's the first one because NO ONE is worth feelng scared for your life and the lives of your children.

Oh no it wasn't that. I was

Oh no it wasn't that. I was scared it would further impact the youngers but they SHOULD have seen me call the police. I can't believe I didn't.

You can always check with

You can always check with your local police and ask what their statute of limitations is for reporting the threat. If anything, they might be able to put it on record in case there is a next time. I hope there is NOT.

Good call

Go get a restraining order

Go get a restraining order for you and your kids? Tell DH if he breaks it you are calling the police.

Yeah. I'm going to file...

Yeah. I'm going to file... what Thursday I guess? This is going to be chaos.

Please tell your H that you

Please tell your H that you will not under any circumstances allow his son to move back in with you all after he threatened to slit your throat. What the hell is wrong with him?? Tell him you are going to get a restraining order and if anyone is leaving the home it will be him to go live with his son. Your job is to protect you and your kids and you will not jeopardize their well being because he lacks balls and doesn't put his foot down.

If you don't shut this down NOW it will continue. I'd also threaten to call the cops that SS threatened you. It's alarming that your H is overlooking your physical wellfare and mental state by enabling this out of control son of his.

This is what I thought but I

This is what I thought but I was starting to think I was over reacting with how SO was acting.

Wait. So you're a woman and

Wait. So you're a woman and you have 3 minor children...one of whom is under 2...and your 'D'H thinks YOU should be the one to leave YOUR marital home so that his grown-ass, loser son can stay there?

Hahahahahahahahahaha!

File a police report against your SS today. Immediately. Get his threats put in writing. Get a restraining order.

If DH wants to move out to be with his adult son, that's fine. But the kid isn't welcome back and you're not going anywhere with your BABY on Christmas Eve.

Well I'm going to my mommy's

Well I'm going to my mommy's ANYWAY but that was preplanned.

I have 4 minor children, one just wasn't there to witness. And I love his 16 yr old and 9 yr old like my own. I love the 18 year old like my own too but I'm still scared of him. I'm going to file whenever they reopen.

Take it out of both of their

Take it out of both of their hands. Get a lawyer and file an RO/PO keeping SS away from you, your home and your children.

If Daddy insists on living with his violent child he can do it somewhere other than your marital home.

smh

And, go take a hand gun course, get your CCP and be ready. If that POS ever poses an eminent threat to your life, end his.

I'm worried about having a

I'm worried about having a gun. I struggle with mental illness and have tried to kill myself before. I'm medicated but it's just a precaution you know?

Dear god, don't get a gun.

Dear god, don't get a gun. Just leave the guy and get a restraining order. Especially if you've been suicidal in the past.

I can't believe we are now advocating murder on Steptalk.

And that fantasy never plays out

never way those that advocate it seem to think. A gun, in a house with small children With an abusive partner and SS. We know how that will likely end up.

Nope, not murder. Legal and

Nope, not murder. Legal and responsible gun ownership and self defense.

OP, if you are not comfortable then don't get a gun. Rather, get a giant can of long distance pepper spray and a ballistic tazer. Season him up and fry his ass if he attacks you. Keep hitting the sizzle switch any time he so much as twitches until the police arrive to frog march him off in hand cuffs.

Be safe. Protect your kids.

You need to pack up everything and go to your mothers!

Block all contact! Get restraining order! I am not tryting to hurt your feelings but love yourself more that his guy does. LEAVE! Do you want you DD to see the verbal abuse, mental, and threats as OK. Because they will think that is normal and then it could happent to them.

I definitely don't want her

I definitely don't want her to think this is normal

Your husband told you that you could leave with your kids

and 1yr old (i assume his bio kid too)??

seriously he’s gone screw loose hun!! You tell your husband even if its by message that if ss ever steps inside your home that the police will be called as he threatened to kill you and slit your throat and hubby can leave with his idiot son!!

ss sets foot in you call he cops!! This is a hill to die on. He’s not much of a husband or father if he doesn’t want to protect his wife and younger kids... he’s all kinds of dumbass...

you should never have been put in this situation!! Your husband doesn’t respect you!! He did not take those marriage vows truthfully because he is throwing you under the bus.

home should be your sanctuary, not ss fantasy slaughter house and mass murder scene!! Threatening to kill someone and slit their throat isn’t normal

He said he doesn't want his

He said he doesn't want his son on the streets

Great!!

Have him in jail, in a mental facility to rehabilitate him. That kid has serious issues that need addressing and stupid dad is ill equipped to handle them because he aint seeing things clearly!! He shouldn’t be exposing you all to that toxic crap!!

this one toxic pos doesn’t take precedence over you all here!!

Im so sorry this is how you are spending your holidays!

This SS18 makes me sick to my stomach! Your SO is a heartless pig (sorry not sorry).

Best to get out while you can, and find a safe place, get that restraining order that everyone else is recomending. I was in an abusive relationship - I get that you dont want to rock the boat, but you have kiddos, and you mUST protect yourself and ROCK THIS BOAT. Get yourself a new bank account at a different bank. find out how to get your SO out of your home. Get a job, if you have a support system of folks who can stay with kiddos.

If you think that this is a healthy relationship, you need some doses of reality! SO is gaslighting you. SS18 is definitely a spoiled manipulative BRAT.

I have SD20 who is like this. She has stolen, lied, thrown around accusations. She has asked to live with us a few times, and each time it was "you need to talk to cLove". Luckily I heard radio silence as she has become a degenerate manipulate loser with no job, no license, and just wants to party w her friends. Shes also been 5150'd and sent to a phsych ward for 10 days. So these kids are sociopaths but the death threats need to be taken seriously.

I absolutely think he would

I absolutely think he would kill me and is a sociopath. I'm out. I can't do this.

Take care of you and your

Take care of you and your children.

Visit your Mom, bring all

Visit your Mom, bring all your important papers and bio kids. Talk to her. Maybe you don't go back.still... file a restraining order on skid for you and the kids if possible.. because if you separate then your kids could be alone with SO and his dangerous kid during visitations.

I'm going to file emergency

I'm going to file emergency custody and see what happens.

Oof. This is horrible.

I agree with others who are voicing 911 / restraining order. It is absolutely necessary that you create a paper trail regarding his threat(s) ASAP.

I'm going to call the non

I'm going to call the non emergency line today.

It's not just custody, yes

It's not just custody, yes that.. but to control who's around on visitation you also need the restraining order or supervised visitation to keep SS away from your kids.

get a trained attack dog.

get a trained attack dog. There's some companies that specialise in attack dogs for abused women.Get one, and if that waste of sperm comes back, sic it on him. Get two if you must. Let them rip into him. he wont come back after that

I did not read past the first line

DIdn't take much. It's a very clear need to call the cops and get them the whole lot out of there. You heard the words, right? Your life is in danger. If you have not called the cops after umpty posts in, what are you waiting for? Do it NOW. And then get them the hell out.

Sorry for your trouble.

Did you call non emergency?

First, Get an order of protection ...

18 means 'adult'. Go to the local court system and get a restraining order. This will stop SS from being able to move in and sad to say, DH has no respect for your safety of the younger children. You should separate bank accounts, get a lawyer and seek a divorce.

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