I married a great guy with 3 daughters. The beginning and up until recently have been great. Their dad isnt used to all the parenting. He was in the military and when he came back he was more worried about trying to save his marriage then parenting the girls simply because he didnt know how, they had/have no direction from BM. I came in we established rules. I enforced them because he wasnt home. I taught them hygiene, how to wash there hair, how often they need to shower and change their underwear. My relationship with them was great! There mother only pays attention to the oldest. And not really in the best way. Teaching her to wear padded bras, dark make up revealing clothes and multiple boyfriends is good. She makes the younger two leave her alone, hardly any reaction with them. The oldest has always had a darker more angry personality. I am trying to teach morals, self respect, how to listen and that actions have consequences. We do fun things all the time, mainevent, bowling, skating, out to dinner, arts and crafts. 

Christmas hits. The younger 1 throws a huge monumental fit about us taking her phone because of her attitude. She is hyper hyperventilating, about to through up on her self all because dad wants to talk to her about her actions. The oldest comes attacking dad, calling us names and saying we have no right to take their phones.(recurring problem, cause BM has told them we cant) oldest calls BM, she is cusing us out calling us morons, b****. We eventually end up taking the girls back to their moms because everyone is miserable. I mention that dad and I have talked about taking oldest to therapy to deal with her anger. She flips out. This girl has threated to cut the heads off her sister's and hang them from a tree. She assaulted their dad, has made animated videos of her killing her family, the youngest has had nightmare screaming to have the oldest leave her alone.

Them BM is messaging husband about how I am the problem, how I am horrible borderline abusive because I discipline the girls. Husband doesnt defend me, stick up for me. She has told them they dont need to listen or respect me. Now the youngest is coping the oldest because she does that. They dont look or listen to me when I speak to them. Purpously do the exact opposite of the rules that have been in place for 2 years. 

Everytime an event like this it gets worse and worse. I dont think I can handle it much longer. I dont have support from my husband. The arrangement on paper is every other full weekend. The current arrangement is every friday into half day Saturday and every other full weekend. Husband works most Saturdays. I told him I would like to start only taking them to dinner Fridays then either they go home to their moms or to his parents. And again I'm a horrible person. I just cant live in my own house the way I have been the last few weeks. Its breaking me. Idk how much more there is to break.