Mom never gets child on weekends
I am new to this site and I hope I can get some advice. My partner and I have been together for 2.5 years. We aren't married. When my partner met her now ex wife the ex had just had a baby. My partner and the ex got married and were married for 3 years. When they divorced they went to court and my partner was granted a form of joint custody since she was considered a "psychological" parent.
When I first met my partner we had the now 9 year old every other weekend and two nights during the week. The ex wife had a stable job then. Well ex has a job and gets fired and repeats the process. At one point she had a job that worked every weekend, so we took every weekend. Well now the ex is jobless and the every weekend has not changed. My partner works 3 Saturdays out of the month and two Sunday's. I work M-f so I have the child all weekend!
It's been this way for a year now. I'm about to explode. The child is lazy and also can't be alone in a room. I have no escape. All she wants to do is lay on the couch and watch YouTube. She won't hang out in her room alone. She won't go outside for longer than 5 minutes. I just want one Saturday to sit at home alone! Or one Saturday to walk around Target alone!
Meanwhile the ex wife gets to do whatever she wants every single weekend! My partner gets very defensive when I bring the issue up. How do I explain that I see the child more than either one of them? I don't want to start an argument.
Well. . . the post right
Well. . . the post right after yours is titled: Only allowed to be a SM when convenient for others. Kind'a sums it up.
It is a given that if SMs (stepparents) do nothing, accept the status quo, she will always be taken advange of by pretty much every member in the initial family, including her own partner. For some reason, most seem to think that SPs are there just to do everyone else's bidding. Think Offred in the Handmaid's Tale. Solution: Remind them that you are a partner vs. an unpaid servant.
The ex wife not only gets to do whatever she wants every single weekend but apparently your partner gets to as well. Who is left holding the "suck it up and take it" bag? Just you, and this is all for someone else's child. Don't mean to sound trite, but welcome to Step-World, and a crazy backwards world it is, where nonparents can be and often are held more accountable than the bio-parents. Responsibility without authority. It's not remotely fair and even less fun.
Are humans as a species just
Are humans as a species just so sh!tty that this is commonplace? Do parents just think their new SO should feel the same about their child as they do and take over the crappier parts of their parenting, though the situation couldn't be more different? Or are we, the people who post here, just examples of the worst situations, which is why we are here in the first place?
Sorry. I'm dealing with a similar situation this weekend. OP, the advice on this site is good. Please use it to turn your situation around before you even think about getting married. What is happening to you is not ok and you cannot let this be your future. If turning it around doesn't work, at least you won't be trapped in a life of drudgery and disrespect.
Also, to add. I don't have
Also, to add. I don't have any specific advice for your situation. I'm new too, and not yet living with my SO.
The thing is, though, if you keep reading, most of our situations are similar. Expected to do the "hard" things but not given any decision-making power. Expected to provide care but not allowed to fully discipline. Dealing with kids who have behavior problems due to permissive parenting out of "divorce guilt." Bioparents who side with the child over the new SO out of fear the child will like or want to be with their ex over them.
I'm trying to figure out how to make this situation tolerable before moving in. You are already in. But, you can't live like this forever. If your SO rejects you because you tell her how you feel and try to establish fair boundaries, you will at least be spared a lifetime of resentment. Talk to her. Take some of your time back. Good luck.
Time to let your partner know
Time to let your partner know that you will no longer be free child care for her and her ex-wife on the weekends. Either your partner gets a new M-F job, or they find a relative to watch the kid when neither of them can have her.
You aren't even married to this woman, but even if you were - it's not your job to take care of her kid. Being her partner doesn't automatically sign you on for parenting duties, as many parents seem to think.
Please stand up for yourself. If you haven't done that, she may think you are just fine with the situation.
My life
I feel this! I don't know what mother willingly gives up their child every weekend. He won't even not pick her up when I don't have my son. I just want a weekend without the older children. Silence. Some time alone with my dh but it will never happen. He can't go a weekend without her.
Sorry, but I would start an
Sorry, but I would start an argument. This kid is not your responsibility. If Dad has to work, the kid should be with Mom.