Okay- so I would like to start off by saying I realize I am new here. I do not have a lot of experience. I don’t know the terms of SO, or DD, please give me a break. 

I am an independent 28 year old, and highly successful. I met my friend “Stefan” at my work. He was alone, and we got to talking. He asked me how old I was I told him 28, and he told me he was in his 40’s. He asked me if I had ever been married or had any kids. I said no, and no. Then he let me know he had three young daughters who were 5,8,10, and was divorced for 3 years, and that he was 48. He is very good looking and young looking for 48, but I loved his personality most of all, and that he was a devout Christian. Then we found out that we live on the same road, and he lives 2 doors down from me. (There’s about 10 acres in between houses, so we never saw each other) 

We talked for a while and he invited me to come over to his house to talk more later on in the evening that night. I gave him my number for him to let me know about some HOA stuff I didn’t know about and asked for him to send it to me. And we went on our ways. 

He tried to talk to me via text for about a month until he gave up. I didn’t respond, I wasn’t ready to date anyone...until I saw him one more time one month later. He came into my work again, and I ignored him until he said hello. 

That night I did end up seeing him, he showed me around his house, talked and I left. We took things very slow. We talked for two months then gradually started dating. We would have dinner at restaurants, he came to church with me once, went to the movies, and I’d go over to his house and watch movies. He eventually asked me to stay the night. I told him I don’t like staying the night at peoples houses until we get to a point where we are actually in a relationship but I made an exception, because I really liked him. 

More and more he started showing me pictures of the kids, and talking about his ex wife who was always stressing him out. Then he told me she wanted to move to Florida. We live in Virginia. I want to remind you that we took things very slowly and didn’t talk about every little detail of our lives. I was so into him, I usually like to know every little detail about everything but I waited until he was ready to tell me. They had 50-50 custody of the girls. He would have them one week, she’d have them the next. 

Then that’s when things started to get strange. I found out that they went to church about an hour away together because it’s the church the ex-wife likes to go to. He told me that every Sunday they all go together as “a family”. I didn’t really like it, but I didn’t say anything. Then on Halloween they all went trick or treating together. They spent Christmas Eve together as a family. These are all options by the way. He wants to do these things. She cheated and divorced him 3 years ago. I found out that the pastor invited him and his ex and family to his house, and they ended up being there for 5 hours, he told me it was because the girls had a confirmation class and it was a dinner for the girls to be able to ask the pastor any questions they had. Now that I’m writing it, it sounds like a total lie, and I feel embarrassed that I even believed him. I asked if the girls had any questions for the pastor he said no, that they played and it was just him and his ex wife and the pastor and the pastors wife talking the whole time. He always talks about how much of a b**** she is and how she “likes to play games”. He never had anything good to say about her to me. We “dated” for about 5-6 months and eventually I told him that I’d like to get out of the dating phase and be boyfriend and girlfriend. He told me that he already thought of us as being exclusive to each other but asked why we had to put a label on it. So I said whatever maybe this is just what men in their late 40’s do. They don’t like calling it a boyfriend or girlfriend. And just consider it dating. 

That made me feel uneasy, but I was okay with it. He would have me over when they were sleeping (way after we started seeing each other) we’d go in the basement - he’d put a camera on them. And we’d watch tv and have fun. Every time one of them had to use the bathroom he’d run upstairs and I felt like I was a secret. One night he “wanted me to see them asleep” again I thought it was odd, but I went along with it and he took me into their bedrooms- room by room and I saw all 3 of them asleep. I always wondered why he did this but thought maybe he was trying to be sweet.  about a month later he had me meet the girls at the park in our neighborhood. Just for an hour. The oldest one wasn’t there. She was spending one on one time with the mom. They always ask for one on one time when it’s the parents week off. He also told me that the girls especially the ten year old slept in his bed almost every night he has them. And he told me that the 8 year old was a super swimmer yet he still gave her baths every single night. When I asked him why he does this (because his 5 year old took showers) he said because she wanted him in there in case she needed a toy or wanted something while in the bath that he needed to go grab. So he sat in there with her and helped her. I took showers by the age of 5, and thought it was odd and thought she  was too old but again I didn’t question it. He said he still gives the 8 and ten year old baths... and that the ten year old snuggles and lays against him while watching movies. He lets the ten year old take his phone. He lets her pick out whatever she wants to do that day and takes her to Whatevr place she picks. One day she picked Chuck E. Cheese, bowling, laser tag, ice cream, shopping at the mall, and going to the movies ALL IN ONE day. Then he lets her buy Whatever she wants online. He also took her to the grocery store that day and let her pick out her favorite flowers, and got me the cheapest things of cookies. I thought it was sweet. But then I told my friend about it and she said why is he buying his daughter flowers and giving you cookies?!?!??!! On Valentine’s Day next week, he has them, and told me that he couldn’t do anything because he has them

The most recent week he asked me to help him take care of a neighbors dog while she was out of town and I agreed. His daughter asked me if I wanted to come over... I thought again it was weird that he didn’t ask me and he had her ask me. And now I realize why. But he said he first asked her if it was okay for me to even come over. 

Today he told me that one of his daughters told the ex wife that he had a girlfriend. Even though I’m not his girlfriend. And she said that it was in the divorce agreements that if anyone new was to come into either of their lives that they had to tell each other.  (on his weeks he has the girls, he has to drive far to work so he would meet up with her at a meeting spot before and after school and drop them off and she would bring them back to him at the meeting spot after work) now she’s saying because he didn’t tell her about me that he has to drive to her house and drop them off for school and pick them up from her house when he gets off work. So basically she’s not agreeing to meet up at the in between spot anymore for drop offs. I told him that she has him wrapped around her finger. It’s odd that now that she found out about me- she said she can’t meet him anymore and that he HAS to come to her house to get the girls. 

I’m beginning to fall for him, but he sees his ex wife SO much. On super bowl Sunday she had a party at her house and all her family members went. And he went too. And it really hurt me, because again , that’s his choice. He didn’t even have the kids. On Facebook he still has listed all of his ex wife’s siblings listed as his “sisters” and “brothers” not sister in law or brother in law , but his actual siblings. Is that weird? He isn’t friends with me either and I’ve never questioned it. Yet he keeps tabs on mine and asks why I have certain guy friends as my friends and makes me delete them yet he talks to whatever girl friends he wants. 

Should I just leave this situation? Is there any red flags I should be concerned about? There’s so much more to it, and I already know I wrote way to much. Sorry for the novel. But any advice would be wonderful. I have never been in this situation. I like him so much and I have a gut feeling that he’s still in love with his ex, but he swears he’s not.  But now I feel like that’s why he never officially made me his girlfriend, because he knew about the contract. And that’s why he had his oldest daughter ask me to come over. He tricked me I feel, and he’s very smart. I love his girls but I don’t want to do anything that’s not proper. But I’m naive and need help. Please don’t be mean if I’m not doing something right. I have the best intentions. That’s why I came on here to get as much advice as I could on this. Sometimes he acts like he cares and other times he doesn’t even call me for weeks at a time. I wait by my phone for him to answer me, and I’ve never done that before. He will text me an hour before he gets home from work and asks me to come over. This last time I said no. I told him that I am not a option. I don’t hear from him all day and then he asks me to hang out at night? I like him so much but I’m starting to see him what I really am to him it’s been 6 months now ... I’m not trying to rush. I’m content on how things are. I’m just wondering if the things I mentioned are normal for people who are divorced. 

Please help me! Liz