He's going to some extreme gaslighting for you.  "Natural meds" for this problem?  They are probably making it worse.  He needs to see a doctor.  Guys who can't keep it up usually have some kind of blood flow issue, maybe heart related.  I don't care how " wonderful" he is.  Put your foot down and make his see a doctor and make sure you go with and show the doctor those magical pills that are NOT working.  I'd also reccommend you think twice about being with a man who can't give you a sex life, let alone a kid.  Do you really want to be married to man who can't perform and won't see a doctor about it?  If he won't for that, what else won't he do in the name of being a macho man???  Life's too short to go without IMO. That is without a man who takes care of business to keep me happy and our marriage strong.  

It sounds like there is a lot of resentment built up. Are you sure this is the right relationship for you?

and as lovely as you see this man, it’s becoming a major dealbreaker that he can’t maintain and erection and ejaculate and if he won’t seek professional medical help then you have a choice to make whether you are willing to stay in this relationship.

there are people who divorce and seperate over this because having a biological child together is a big deal or woman wasn’t notified of the erection/ejaculation issues if they weren’t having sex before marriage

for me even with my and hubbys age gap, i would never have considered marrying him if he was firmly against having kids because that’s something i wanted

natural meds don’t work as well as professional medical treatment. My husband is in his 50s, no erection or ejaculation issues here. How old is this guy by the way?

i’m concerned more that he can’t ejaculate anything. If he is maturbating and watching heeps of porn then him not getting an errction could just be due to his longer refractionary period in between ejaculating to when he can get erect again and in older men, it can take them 12-24 hours almost before they can get hard again 

As overwhelming as your hormonal baby drive is, if your DH has a fertility or other related problem then you have a choice to make.  Porn is a bullshit excuse.  But I do understand his challenges when it comes to ejaculation during intercourse.  Probably more than anyone cares to hear, but I have always had extreme sexual endurance. Now in my mid 50s I can go even longer and reaching orgasm is rare for me before my DW needs to stop after several orgasms of her own.  I'm not bragging. It just is what it is.   Everything works just fine it is just that sensitivity is not what it used to be.  

If you both want a baby that badly then DH is going to have to go see a real doctor rather than some herbalist naturopathic whack job.  If he can get off while watching porn, he can make a deposit at a fertility clinic and the two of you can go the invitro or other insemination route.

I will add that anyone who would end a marriage with a good person over failure to fertilize an ovum is not worth being in a relationship with.

If you cannot rationally overcome your raging hormonally driven irrationality over all of this give your SO's life back to him so he can be with a person who is worth his time and on par with his personal quality and you can go on a sperm hunt to fulfill your need to spawn again. All a sperm takes is a functional set of genitalia.  There is no need for the owner of those functional gonads to be worth a shit.

Grow up.  Either be all in with this relationship or be of adequate character to leave.

And if your DH won't deal with his Porn problem, he is not worth keeping and definitely not of sufficient character to select as a father of a child.  Protect the sanctity of your gene pool until he either demonstrates that he is worthy of fathering your next child or you find someone who can at the very least get the job done.  Preferably get the job done and be a quality partner to you and a great father for your next child.

Just my thoughts of course.

I get this. I get this so much. DH had a vasectomy for his ex wife, 2 previous children, I have no kids, DH had a vasectomy-reversal for me, BUT it's been almost a year and a half and still no baby. I hate it. So much resentment towards DH for having kids with two pieces of shit women but not being able to with me. It hurts. All I want is a baby of my own and I'm so sick of watching DH be a dad to his ex-hoes kids. 

Marriage is about compromise. 

I have certain things in a partner I would end a relationship for. That does not mean that we need to always agree . I'm pretty liberal and while he isn't right wing he can say some crap that pisses me off ( he is not racist but is a Jewish immagrant with some ideology I don't agree with sometimes)

Is a baby worth ending this relationship? That's what it boils down to

I get the same maternal thoughts Everytime BM makes a mistake. So does DH. He's Beginning to want something that's ours but it's an urge not a need. With the economy going nuts having a baby is the last thought in my mind. 

Take care of yourself and your daughter. Create clear boundaries with your DH. Is this imginary baby worth the relationship? 

Look, just because he asked you to marry him doesn't mean that you have to say "yes". That was your chance to say "only if you see a doctor first". However, he was sneaky and asked you in front of friends knowing that you woiuldn't say anything of the sort.

This is truly time for him to see a doctor. He isn't ejaculating? Has he ever heard of retrograde ejaculation? And if he can't keep an erection, maybe he needs his testosterone (especially his free testosterone) testing. Both conditions are treatable. He needs to make an appointment with a urologist today if he doesn't want to lose you. Frankly, at your age, the prospect of a miserable sex life must be pretty grim...

Do NOT marry this guy until he has seen a doctor and followed whatever treatment is prescribed. For your own sake, please also see a therapist to help you work through all of this resentment. 

Please don't marry this guy - both of you are too consumed with your own needs to make any kind of partnership. And your hatred of his daughter for existing is not healthy and won't lead to a healthy marriage.

Honestly, I find it selfish when women insist they have to have a BABY NOW and justify it as a reasonable thing. If you didn't have a child already, I could see your urgency, but you do.  If you want another baby, go to a sperm bank and find a willing father there, because your fiance doesn't want to be one.  So either you are going to resent him or he is going to resent you, but either way, your relationship is doomed.

OP, if you want a baby you want a baby. It is NOT selfish unless you cannot afford it and/or cannot take care of that child for some reason.

I was in a crappy marriage with my ex-H and had 2 healthy, beautiful kids, a boy and a girl but knew there was someone else out there who was meant to be. Ex-H did not want any more kids. I insisted (I never lied). Well, my youngest DD is now 15. When she was born, it was like I knew her, I can't explain it. She is such a joy and I cannot imagine life without her. Ex-H and I were going to end up divorced no matter what. BEST DECISION I EVER MADE, along with 1) divorcing ex-H; 2) Marrying DH. (and of course having my other two kids, but that was not really a decision but a given).

Sorry but if he cannot or will not give you a child, there's your answer. And his daughter is not a substitute - I'd feel exactly as you do towards her.

Before you go one more step down this relationship road... he needs to see a urologist.  This is not only for the sake of your relationship.. and the baby making stuff.. but he could be having prostate issues that might be cancer etc... he does not need to put this off and obviously his own natural med attempts are not improving the situation.

This likely has little to do with you.. but more with his mechanical abilities.  Now.. this does not mean that you won't get that baby you want.. but you both need to go through the proper testing and evaluations.  Do you really want to prioritize a baby over your husband to be's current health problems?

He needs to pull his head out of the sand and you need to go to a real doctor for some real medical evaluations.

Knowing what this means to you.. he needs to get this sorted out... in addition.. you need to get your own fertility review.. because what worked at 16... may not now... don't assume.

If you find that he cannot have a child with you.. via his own dna.. would you and he be open to using a donor?  these are things you need to be able to work out between you now.. the fact that you both share valentine's day as your birthdays is not a sign you are meant to be together.