Distant step-child
Hi - I have found myself in a difficult situation 18 months into a relationship. My partner has a child living in the Philippines who is now a teenager. They have lived apart for the last 12 years when his relationship ended with his abusive ex-spouse and she returned to her home country with the child (where they were born). Unfortunately the child has the same behavioural traits as the mother - they have a lot of wealth and have been fleecing my partner for money over the years and guilting him into paying for unnecessary things - we are now working this theough and standing up to her. I struggle with the behaviour, the child is rude, has no manners and is never disciplined. They seem to have no friends at school and are unable to form normal social relationships. My partner’s family have warned me of the behaviour but noone calls it out. I have asked my partner to start setting boundaries (scheduled times for calls) and to be firmer but he finds it difficult. There is now talk of the child coming to live with us but I fear it will be the end of our relationship as I can’t tolerate the behaviour and it will be an extremely heavy burden on our relationship. I’m not sure how to get through to him anymore... any advice?
Welcome to the site!
You do have a say as to whether this teen comes to live with you or not. Is he aware of the strength of your feelings about his son/daughter? If he is adamant about having the child to live here and you can't deal with it - then you could either end the relationship, or you could establish a separate home for yourself and continue the relationshp - this does work for some people.
Yes - he is aware. The odd
Yes - he is aware. The odd thing is that I haven’t met his kid in person but what I do know isn’t good. My partners family all dislike him and don’t want anything to do with him ... and have warned me not to put up with it. It’s a relief to hear you say that I do have a choice - we live in my house at the moment, a 1 bed flat so there is no room! A separate home might work if this does happen, we are also thinking of having our own child which would completely change the dynamic as well...
If it is the case that you
If it is the case that you live in YOUR one bed flat then of course you can say no!
Update
Things have moved on in the last few months. There is no chance of him coming to Europe until he is 18 so no visits/living with us. He finishes schooling in just under 2 years and we are planning to move out of the city. No idea how this will pan out but at least he will be an adult by then so easier to boot out! DH has asked that we make sure there is a room for him to stay in which is fine but in my mind this is not permanent. DH even admitted the other day that if SS came to live with us then it would be a strain due to his odd behaviour (a lot of this is cultural)... I feel for my DH, this kid is nothing but a thorn in his side.