Exes and Taxes
Oh man, this is a biggie. First off, I dont know all the abbreviations yall use, so sorry! .... So, I married my.hubby last August. I have a 13 yr old boy, he has an 8 yr old.boy and 19 yr old daughter. His ex wife has been an EX for 8 years, but she controls his every move and from what I understand, he has been single so long because the EX is a major thorn in all of his relationships. He has always had custody of the kids. The EX rarely saw the kids. Didnt see the daughter for 5 years, saw the boy a few times, but not much. Just recently the 19 yr old moved in with her bc our home is too small and both boys live with us, the 8 yr old goes to the Exes home on weekends, but I'd she can get away with not having the kids, she does. Every excuse in the book... yes, she even used covid19 as her latest excuse. Shes a real asshole and manipulative bitch! (My husband doesnt see that at all, she has him wrapped around her stank-ass finger.) Bevause we are newly married, this year is the first year we filed taxes together. Haha, this gets juicy! So, the Ex has claimed the kids EVERY FREAKING YEAR. I just found that out about a month ago.
So, when I met my husband, he told me that for the etx year of 2018, she claimed both kids and to be fair, she would use part of the refund to pay off the trailer they had in their names... their last financial obligation to each other. She needed to clear it off her credit, so she made that large paent and paid it off. Ai then HE owned the trailer. A mi th efore we got married, he told me that his trailer was wort . Between $10k-$12k. He was excited to sell it to get the money tonplay some Bill's. He owed the IRS about $30k. The day we got back from our Vegas wedding he dropped a.bomb. He said he was going to give the EX the money for the trailer. That she "forgot" about the deal they had made and she wanted the money. I felt very weird about it and I'm sure I was lied to about part or ALL of the BS story. So, we sold the trailer and handed over the money. Ugh. Annoying.
So, I told him, WE ARE CLAIMING THE KIDS this year. He said ok. (I knew there would be an issue. I could feel it.) So, about 2 months ago he told her we were.claiming thebkids. She gave him some bullshit line that because the kids were on medical insurance through her, that she HAD TO BYBLAW claim the kids. LOL! I provided the evidence AND CALLED THE IRS telling him that she was full of shit. He said, "Ok, then we will claim them." He was pacifying me, knowing he was going to let her claim them. Today was our tax appt. I said, "Did you get all the paperwork ogether that we need for our appt?" He said no. That led us into the convo about his ex wife. He said she already claimed the kids. He knew all along. But disnt want to tell me. He lied. I have a major pro pen with this. Our appt was at 4pm, an hour from our home. Its 8pm and ibhabent talked to him since 3pm. I am feeling so disrespected, and I feel like he has NO RESPECT for me or my son or our household. He is not married to her anymore. Then to top it off, he tells her we are arguing over this and she makes some fucked up comment, like "oh well, when you guys are done arguing, I'm dropping off the kids, inhale covid19." She is an asshole and he is on thin ice. I feel like I really have no say in anything. I manage his entire life and he let's her take everything? If it wasnt for my son, my house known and my 1099, he would OWE money. But bc of me we are getting back $5,000. I'm pissed. I'm not talking to him. I think this could be the end of our short marriage.
You were deceived
Currently you are being deceived and he clearly has no problem deceiving you in the future.
Can you get an annulment and send him back to BM? That's clearly where his heart lies, while he happily tells you all kinds of lies to shut you up?
Please don't put yourself into financial jeapordy for this numnut. Start making plans to move forward without his lying dead weight.
Your husband might as well
Your husband might as well still be with BM, as much as he caters to her. This would be a deal breaker, for me.
Plus, he doesn't sound very responsible, financially. He's not honest and sounds as manipulative as his ex.
You feel deceived because you were deceived
He is enmeshed with BM. This will never end, you will continue to be disrecepted for the rest of your life or marriage. She will continue to get your money for herself
So, your DH has been
So, your DH has been deceitful and a liar throughout your marriage. Obviously, your marriage is a great finanical benefit to him and to BM. What, exactly, are your getting from your marriage? I'd seriously be looking to get out.
He has given you plenty of
He has given you plenty of reasons to kick him to the curb. Trust people when they show you who they really are. This man will keep lying to you forever. Do you want that kind of marrriage?
Thank you
Thank you all for your very honest responses. So, I owe honest answers. We got married fast. He pushed for a fast engagement and marriage. Yes, he is irresponsible with money. I was a single mom and didnt make a lot.of money, but I so own a home and provide for my son with a dead beat bio dad. So, when I met my.husband, and he made.decent money, it helped. And, I fell in love with him and respected him. I still do, but his skeletons are.coming out of the closet. He did say he doesnt have drama in his life, but his definition of not having drama is to roll over and give in to his ex wife and to EVERYONE who asks him for something. He is a push over and I am trying to teach him not to be. He will lose me if this continues. In our marriage, I control all of the money because he just doesnt care about it. As long as he has a roof over his head, he does not care where the money goes, including to his ex. He has never had anything nice because everyone has used and abused him. I'm trying to fix that. I see hope ONLY because he agreed to go to marriage counseling. But, that's not it. I am going to demand we continue with marriage counseling until he shows he has balls and takes the ex to court, and I need to see a major change in his behavior toward her. She moved out of county and promised to drive the kids back and forth. Yeah, that didnt happen.
Another issue with her is tjay she doesnt even want to see the kids. They are a nui6to her. On Friday the kids went over there for the weekend and she was calling 2 hours layer stating she had coronavirus. Give me a break. I said NO, THEY ARENT COMING HOME. Too fucking bad. I won that battle. Son didnt come home until Sunday at 1:00 PM (she usually starts texting around 7am to see what time we can "meet" or pick up... she usually wants to get rid of the kid, so she wil.drive if it means she gets freedom....) Yeah, I am paying for her lifestyle. Sickening.
Let me add...
When we were at our tax appointment last week (when I started this thread) she was texting my husband asking if her wife could drop off thebkids bc of her COVID19 haox bullshit. She will literally use ANY FUCKING excuse. Anyway, he told her we were arguing about taxes. How fucking insulting is that? He showed me the text and she said, "I'm so sorry you guys are arguing, if I have a job next year you can claim the kids..." See, she calls the shots. It is sickening. Seriously may be the final straw. I am so mad, I have been up since 3AM. He woke me up and I cant go back to bed.
During all of this, he has also quit his job (out on paid leave), and is having ptsd issues. So, I dont want to be a total asshooe. But, the ex gets everything she wants during his emotional time and I just get... shit on?
Actual Dollars
Husband has always had the kids, 90-100% custody.
Ex has always claimed the kids.
He told me they switch off, when I asked when he last claimed the kids, he said... well, never.
He also gives her 100% of his Army retirement which is now offset by 90% disability, so she gets about $1200/month and we get about $2200/month. If he gets 100% disability rating from VA, she gets $0.00 Army retirement, but I am also going off of what he has told me and I dont trust what he tells me anymore.
2017-2018 Husband and I not together, he had no write offs and needed to claim kids, but she claimed them and got hit with about 30k in taxes, hes paid off about half.
Aug 2019 we get married. And, came into the marriage with a known $15k in tax debt.
September he tells me he is giving the ex the money from our sold trailer ($7,000).
January 2020 I tell him we are claiming the kids. He tells her. She comes up with excuses as to why she has to claim them, but he said he stood his ground. (Yeah right.)
Last week: tax appt. Yall know what happened there. Oh, and we claimed MY son, so should he reap the benefits of our $5,000 refund? That is if we get it at all, it may go to pay his irs fees.
Are you and your child better
Are you and your child better off or doing worse now that you are married?
I think you REALLY need to reconsider this marriage. He is a liar, bad with money and seems to care more about his ex than you.
Sorry for the bluntness, but dang.
Thank you for your honesty!
I appreciate all of the blunt responses. I'd rather have your honesty than sugar coated responses. That's why I'm here. Dont be afraid to be brutally honest with me. Honesty is lacking in my life right now, so I'll take it in any form!
Update on this situation: We had our first marriage counseling session last Wednesday. Not sure I totally like the therapist. He is "solution oriented," so that means not talking about how I feel. Just more lawful answers I stead if talking about what it FEELS like to be lied to. W
In the session, we only one called about 2 of the 3 financial issues pending. Child support, the therapist was on my side. Told him he is paying way too much. That's not the point though. DH knows he is overpaying., he just doesnt care bc hed rather not fight with the ex over it. As far as the trailer, the therapist thinks DH and I came out ahead in the deal (but therapist didnt listen to all of the side effects of the issue $$$$), and then 3 days later I received a letter in the mail stating this trailer was a CHARGE OFF!!!! So, did the ex not pay a dime? Did she BK?
We have a 2nd therapy appt this Wednesday. I'll type more later.
Say something? Nope, you
Say something? Nope, you need to do something. Give him immediate clarity that if not otherwise stipulated in a CO that the CP gets the tax credit for kids. Time for him to extricate his balls from his XW's purse and man up... or find himself immediately homeless.
DO NOT pay his tax debt to the IRS. Immediately file for damaged spouse status with the IRS and claim the Skids on your taxes. Provide the CO documentation of DH being the CP to the IRS and they will go after BM with a vengeance.
And... just end this. This man is not worthy of you. Don't sacrifice yourself and your own child on the alter of Sparental martyrdom to this idiot and his XW.
Move on. Enjoy your life. The lies are a deal breaker.