Punching Bag = Me
Hello all!
Wow. It's been a long 3 years with my blended family. Little did I know that blending a family it like mixing oil & vinegar. So at this time my 17 year old step child has decided that she wants nothing to do with her dad, or me. You see, she had a little dose of reality in Feb 2019 when my husband decided to spank her 16 year old tail (which was looooooong overdue). Well, being the child she is, with her BM as her BESTIE, the story isn't she got a spanking, it's "he put his hands on me". For the love of Christ!!! So at this time, she is distant, shows up for holidays, birthdays, some family gatherings and has decided that in order for her to be a part of her fathers life, he needs to divorce ME! Now, I've tip toed around her, killed her with kindness, I've done everything right except literally placing my lips on her ass and kissing it. I've read forums, books, and talked to others. We have came to the conclusion that even though her BM is "happily married" and "loves her amazing life" that she doesn't want my husband to be happy (yes, one of those!!!).
One minute the hormonal, spiteful teenager likes me, the next we have an ultimatum to get a divorce. What do you do? How do you handle that? I just feel like I'm always someone's punching bag, especially hers. I don't have this issue with any of the other children, and my husband doesn't have any with the other children either. I just don't know what to do.....
Yeah, OP - he really smacked
Yeah, OP - he really smacked his 16-year-old on the butt as punishment? Totally not appropriate. I'm glad he's finally disciplining her, but how about taking away her phone, her car, her electronics, whatever.
Anyway, at 17 she's old enough to choose if she wants to come over, so let it be. Stop trying to kill her with kindness and just be civil when she shows up. As long as your DH isn't considering divorcing you to see her, then just disengage and let go.
Spanking someone old enough
Spanking someone old enough to drive or have a job was ... a very, very bad idea. Other posters will likely have much to say about it.
You should probably disengage completely from all things SD related. If her BM encourages her to hate on her dad and you, things aren't likely to improve until she's a lot older - if ever.
It's up to your DH and his daughter to figure out their relationship. I'd stay faaaar away from it.
Good for DH! Though 16 is
Good for DH! Though 16 is about 2 years too late for spanking IMHO. I got my last spanking at ~14 if I recall correctly which passes as my personal litmus test for the later boundary for application of corporal punishment. Which I support without reservation as a proven effective disciplinary consequence when applied appropriately. SS-27 received his final spanking in about 6th grade. Even I was not comfortable with spanking after SS reached that point.
I would hang a paddle in a prominent place that SD will see any time she sets foot in your home. Just to remind her that there are consequences for crap behavior. You and DH might as well leverage the ass whuppin as a reminder that the Skid's crap will not go unpunished. An artistically displayed paddle would be a perfect reminder.
DH needs to bare BM's ass and educate SD with the complete and total facts of their collective toxic behaviors. If SD's behavior warranted a blistered butt at 16, no doubt there are countless other examples of crappy behavior that need to be regularly confronted.
Zero tolerance works.
If SD-17 continues to choose to remain isolated from her dad, you, your marriage and the family... good riddance! Let her and BM rot in the stench of their shallow and polluted genetically toxic mutual admiration society.
IMHO of course.
THANK YOU
Yes, she may be a little old for a spanking, but when we have no control of her electronics, car or anything else....it was our only resource.
No argument from me! Too bad
No argument from me! Too bad Daddy did not light her ass up for chronic behavioral crap all through her pre-teens and early teens.
AGREE
I totally agree! We have differ when it comes to parenting, all 3 of my children, now 18, 21 and 23 got spankings....funny thing, my middle child called the cops on me when I spanked him at the age of 8, the police officer took off his belt and told me to do it again, that it is NOT AGAINST THE LAW as long as it is on the butt and leaves no brusing.
Lol!
Only recently has DE made corporal punishment illegal. In all other States it is legal for parents and other adults acting en loco parentis to apply corporal punishment as a a disciplinary methodology as long as it does not injure the child.
https://kidjacked.com/legal/spanking_law.asp
The applicable information from each state can be looked up in the above link.
Well, the spanking is over
Well, the spanking is over and done with, so I won't even touch that.
The girl is 17, if she chooses to not be a part of her father's life, that is on her, it can't be forced upon her, at this point. Maybe she will come to her senses later.
Your husband can still maintain as much contact as he can, texting and calling her, or whatever, to let her know that he loves her and wants a relationship with her, but how she responds is up to her.
There is nothing for YOU to do. Stop bending over backwards for her, stop tip toeing around her, stop being her punching bag, stop giving her any power.
What was your husband's response to her ultimatum?
Response Was....
He said that she will not dicate or have the power to tell him how to live his life as an adult & parent. He continually reassures me that our marriage is safe & solid, however, being a parent myself, I know how effective a child can be when it comes to ultimatums and having them in your life...so it still makes me nervous.
Why blame you?
He spanked a 16 year old...which is odd...but why would the girl blame you for it? I guess there is no rational thought when it comes to skids and how they choose to place blame but does she think you arranged for him to do it?