Opinions appreciate it. SS went from hating BM to loving her overnight
I saw something like this posted before but can’t find it now
SS12 Literally went from hating/trash talking BM to thinking she’s the best thing ever in one afternoon.
Here is what happened...For YEARS SS12 has been Complaining about BM. SS12 would tell us BM Favored OSS, call him names, and SS12 hated living with BM and even made fat jokes about BM. SS12 would cry/Throw a temper tantrum when DH had to miss his parenting time because he did not want to stay extra with BM. Remember this went on for YEARS.
Last month DH Punished SS12 for talking back. SS flipped out on DH saying he had been lying about BM and that he really loved BM more than DH. Now DH just blew it off thinking SS just said that because SS was pissed. SS later Apologized and we thought it was over.
Well ever since that Incident SS has Completely stopped complaining about BM. Like total cold turkey. That’s fine BUT now SS12 is like Oversensitive if we even Remotely say anything about BM. Even minor things like if DH asks if BM gave SS a hard time about getting his shoes muddy. SS Will immediately look Visibly upset and walk away without answering. Now we have to tip toe around and make sure we don’t say anything Even remotely negative about BM or SS will shut down and walk away.
SS has kept this up for a month so now we are really thinking he was lying for the last 5 plus years about hating BM but why??? Why would he make up all these Awful things that BM never did or said?
And why now is he so Over sensitive if we so much as Mention BM unless its something positive?
My guess is that at BM's, for
My guess is that at BM's, for the last 5 years, he has hate/trash-talked DH, just as much as he did about BM at your house.
I'm assuming BM and DH don't get along? This is something kids do when their parents hate each other - they switch sides and can't integrate that mom and dad each have both good and bad qualities - it's always that one is good and the other is bad.
Poor boy.
Poor boy.
Is this the first time SS has
Is this the first time SS has been called on getting sassy? What was he sassy about? Did DH put a limit on what he can talk about? Has puberty started? Your clues might be in what went down.
Why was he allowed to trash
Why was he allowed to trash talk his mom for the last 5 years? He did it because he was encouraged to do so. Now he's older and he's figuring stuff out. You should have never been saying negative things about his mom, either. Knock that shit off.
Yes DH and BM hate each other BUT
Never Argued in front of SS. DH never spoke ill of BM. How SS started talking poorly of BM is when DH either had to miss parenting time with SS or when DH and I would take a yearly vacation for a week and leave SS with BM. SS would have a complete meltdown if DH had to miss even one hour of parenting time. When asked why SS was getting so upset SS would start in how Awful BM was. SS started coming over telling us how BM did this or said this to him. Always negative. SS NEVER spoke poorly of DH because if he did BM would have pitched a fit. The few times SS complained about our house BM was Quit to send DH a nasty email.
Kids know when their parents
Kids know when their parents hate each other, it's obvious. If he never talked bad about DH, then he was trying to align himself with DH by "hating" BM. You do know that he didn't REALLY hate his mother, right?
And I agree with those who say DH should have shut down any trash talking about BM. Now he's trying to align himself with BM instead of DH - again, a symptom of their dislike for each other. He doesn't feel he can love them both, because they are both portraying the other as "bad" and themselves as "good".
Kids are very adaptable to
Kids are very adaptable to thier environment. How many times have you seen a toddler use a fake cry to try and get what they want. Your SS gained some reward for his ill will of BM even if just sympathy and from what you wrote about when he would say bad things about BM, it sounds like he used it as a guilt trip when DD missed parenting time.
SD tried it with me, when she decided she wanted to live here full time. When I didnt bite at the apple and told her I would never keep her from her BM, she switched up her game and tried it with BM. BM didnt want her but was more than happy to badmouth me. I only know that because I saw the flurry of texts she sent SO.
It’s a variation of normal I suppose
SS20 was 12 when I came into the picture. He too went through phases of hating his mother and not necessarily trash talking her but more "woe is me" stories as posted stated above. For example, he would always tell a story of when his mom visited his aunt and his his cousins beat him up and his mom did nothing to help him, etc etc. however, he always went to visit her when visitation came around and get this: he now helps her financially and STILL gets anxiety at how her life turned out (she is homeless as per what they say). I always tried to stay out of it because ultimately there is a bond between mother and child unlike any I have ever seen. I'm telling you, the first BM is the biggest POS known to womanhood but her kids love her in spite of it.
reading everyone’s comments
I Seriously believe SS has Abandonment issues with DH for some reason. SS never talk badly of BM or had a problem with DH missing parenting time once in a awhile(never offen) when he was younger. BOTH issues started at the same time around 7 or 8 years old. I think SS would say these things about BM to make DH guilty about leaving him.
What I still don’t get is WHY SS now is totally Oversensitive about anything DH says about BM. SS is still VERY clingy/needy for DH unlike most teens SS Prefers DH over friends. It will be interesting to see how SS acts when DH has to miss a parenting evening as he can no longer use the excuse he hates BM and throw a crying temper Tantrum
Ss20 was the same way
He always wanted to be around H more than regular kids and he still is very touchy feely with him, but I don't think it's super weird anymore, it's just off. I remember when I first used to stay over SS then 12 would be hanging around the bedroom door just waiting for H to come out.
I also think you are correct that these kids say those things to make the dad feel guilty for leaving them with their mom but trust and believe that they will always want a relationship with their mother in spite of it. Be careful with your SS. Mine, now 20 blames his dad and even me for all the bad decisions he made and even has suggested to me that I could have helped him when In reality no one can help these kids.
They say that insanity is
They say that insanity is hereditary. It could be that the crazy gene activited with imediate impact.
More likely is that the Skid either is getting something out of the massive shift in the opinion regarding BM or... guilt over being disloyal has built up to the point that he could no longer maintain that behavior.
Regardless, his oversensitivity should not be tolerateed and he should not be allowed to be disrespectful and walk away from any discussion with his father or with you.
IMHO of course.
Sounds to me like he's
Sounds to me like he's confused and feeling torn.
My eldest SD called CPS on her mom, got all of the kids taken away for months, and told a Judge that her mom is a horrible alcoholic with an anger problem.
Now they're best friends again. Whatever, cool.
I also agree with the crazy gene.