What does your husband do about your skids hating you? 

Oh hell no. No way am I going to hole myself up in my room and have my spouse bring me drinks and food because his MINOR CHILDREN WHOM HE HAS CONTROL OVER are a-holes to me and mine. If my husband wants there to be no tension, then HE needs to address it because I'll act exactly like I always do. Since I'm not a raging B, the issue wouldn't be on my end.

If he can't stand up to his own kids or come up with a solution to protect you from their vitriol, then he has no business being married or dating. I'd either figure out how to be alone or find someone that doesn't imprison me in my bedroom for months on end.

Let me guess  - another wimpy father who is so afraid of losing his kids that he prefers his wife being a prisoner in her own bedroom to setting limits on his kids.

I know the fear of possibly losing a kid to alienation, DH and I lived it - but he didn't stop parenting his son. Yep, SS ended up alienated, but DH stayed married, which he wouldn't have, if he hadn't been willing to put our marriage over his fear of losing his son.

OP, this is all kinds of wrong, for you and your daughter. Time to have it out with DH and/or make some exit plans.

I did the same thing early on...I removed myself from their presence and stayed in my office or bedroom. I was miserable in my own home.  After trying several times to explain it to DH I gave up and changed MY attitude.  I refuse to be ran out of my own home or be made to feel unwelcome.  I stopped leaving the room for them.  I stopped letting them control whether i spent my evening in my living room watching my TV.  I took back control.  And the tables turned.  They started hiding out in their rooms to get away from me.  I did nothing to cause that other than refuse to leave and hide out.   Eventually the older two stopped coming  over at all because they couldn't control this household like they do at BMs.  Stop giving them the power to determine your happiness.  You're the adult, you make the rules in your home.  

Who cares if they are uncomfortable? They can still be respectful. If they aren't they can be sent to their rooms-- BY YOUR HUSBAND as he stands up for you.

 
It is your house lady- OWN IT! I will be damned if I would hide from some teens/pre-teens in my own home. 

Mrs. W ...may I please suggest something?

You dont broach this subject with anyone. You do not need permission to do anything. When his kids come over do not go into your room unless YOU want to. EVER

why do you believe you must discuss your freedom with your husband? Is there something you are not telling us. Such as HE is making you go to your room.

The counselor had a coming to Jesus meeting with SO and basically told him OSD was intentionally backing him in a corner and he had to make a decision.  OSD uses the threat of staying at BMs to not follow rules. SO was told that he had to take her power away. He needed to start reinforcing consequences and she may learn her threat doesn't work or she may act on her threat and leave. Either way he establishes with her that she does not run our home and she is not the adult. If she does leave as long as SO stands firm in time she will eventually come around.  That means when she wants or asks for something the answer is no ask your mother, that's who you live with now. Especially since the only draw to BM is no rules. All her needs basic and otherwise are met here. 

Is this really the marriage you want to model for your daughter--that husband and his kids are more important than his wife?

You don't need his permission to inhabit your own home. So what if his kids are uncomfortable? You've been uncomfortable for a very long time and you are the adult. And you have nothing to lose -- you're contemplating divorce now, so if he does not parent his kids and you continue to be abused, then you know for sure it's time to leave.

The whole notion of "the kids are uncomfortable" just makes no sense. Not just your situation, but in general. We have to learn to get along with people that we don't necessarily like -- roommates, jobs, teachers, neighbors, etc. Abandoning social skills because a skid is "uncomfortable" is ridiculous.

Look, it's fairly straightforward. If the kids are uncomfortable when you are loose in your own home then they don't have to come over any more. Your DuH can take his visitation with them somewhere else. End of story.

My husband was in the process of building it when he met me but had it partially built and when he saw things getting serious between us, he went full speed ahead and he asked me to be involved with the furnishings and decor etc. 

my husband sees it as my home too. I resented the fact that here was a home thats mine where ss(now 22) makes me feel so unwelcome in it. 

Whenever his dad told him off to stop the abuse to me, he admitted the emotional abuse daily but claimed he did nothing wrong and then justified it and it was at the point my husband is fighting with him and ss attitude is “doesn’t care” and he still expects to live in our marital home indefinitely whilst he treats me, my kids with with my husband and my husband like shit

i had enough and firmly told my hubby i would not be going on any trips with ss to play imaginary happy family..

now since coronavirus and my husband stuck overseas indefinitely in essential services and me unable to leave my country, hubby feels so dead inside with how his son treats him. Barely a few weeks ago my husband snapped at his son, they were in lockdown and for a whole day all his son did was ignore my husband and didn’t acknowledge or soeak to hubby, it really hit him that this is how he has treated me all these 5+ years i have been married to my husband. 

I’m making time almist everyday for facetime with our kids because they ask to video call daddy and talk to him.

so skids shun u, ignore them and do not acknowledge them, just try go about your day. 

Skids usually control the tv, well plon your arse on the couch and binge watch all day.

you wanna cook dinner, go into the kitchen and plate for yourself, ignore skids and if hubby asks why you never told skids dinner was ready, ask your husband “do your kids have legs, ears, nose and eyes??” Of course he will reply yes and this is when you sarcastically reply “well then they are perfectly capable of smelling that dinner is done, heard dinner is ready, can see it is cooked and can walk their legs to get to dinner themselves!!” You should not need to go to them to announce dinner is ready... 

i found with my husband, it wasn’t till i started being sarcastic that my husband really stepped up out of embarrassment of his kids

umm no way would i allow that to happen. that is your house. do not give them that much power. confining yourself to your room? screw that.