I say that he is a "good kid" because I recognize that every human has value regardless of their mistakes. Also, because he is just "a kid" who has an absentee mother and has lived through some pretty difficult things (of course one would not know these things from one online post.) I have seen this kid in tears as a result of some of these decisions and it is heartbreaking. I have seen him light up when someone shows approval of something he has done. And I have seen him selfishly help others in community and service projects. So  yes, I maintain that he is a good kid. That is why this decision is not easy.

I wouldn't say he enables him at all, IMO. The fact is, most of the bad decisions have brought their own very negative consequences on his son directly, so while my SO makes it clear he doesn't approve of the decisions, he actually ends up doing damage control in most cases because son becomes depressed and angry at himself because he ends up in really crappy situations. Typically my SO is left trying to seek out counseling for him, dealing with legal fallout, or logistical situations, all while trying to work full time with no other support.

Thanks for your response. Son is not very self-motivated, so dad has pushed and encouraged him as much as possible to make future plans. Trust me, he does not want his son permanently living at home for his adult life. Dad "forced" (as much as you can force that kind of thing) son to take SAT and apply for college. He has chosen a 2-year program at the local community college; however, one of his recent poor decisions has left him without transportation so not sure how that will work. So to answer your question, dad attempts to prepare him to leave the nest but son seems to sabotage these plans with his bad decisions (although he says he really wants to move out). I do wonder if his impulsiveness is a sign of mental illness, as his bio mother is bipolar.

That being said, I think SO is willing to do everything he can to make/help his son become independent other than putting him out on the street. They really have no other family and have moved around a lot, so he has no one else to turn to. And he beats himself up for the bad decisions he makes afterwards, so his dad worries about depression.

My SO is very aware of how his son's choices affect me emotionally, so it has gotten to the point where he will avoid discussing specific topics that stress me out and does not call me immediately freaking out when his son gets in trouble. But, that in and of itself feels odd because a person should be able to call their SO for support when something significant happens in their life, so it causes me to feel guilty.