A forum to discuss those who by 'law' are 'step' mothers but take on the primary care of children (i.e. partners have sole custody with a BM who has access)
To start this off - I am by law a 'step' parent of children of I have cared for and raised for the last 5 years. When I met my partner, he was a single father of 3 children (2 biological, 1 child a 'step' parent to) who has subsequently gained sole custody of all 3 children (including the non biological child) as per the consent of the BM. Over the past 5 years, I have raised these boys as my own.
When I came into the picture, the BM had not seen, nor contacted her children in over a year. Following my entry into the children's lives, the BM sought access, which she was granted with extreme restrictions. Over the past few years, court ordered access has been set from every other weekend (to establish relations with the BM) to access every other month or less frequent(at the request of the BM). Her support is garnished at this point, (as she has not consistency with payments and payments are minimal).
VERY long story short - I have raised and supported 3 children over the past 5 years, who I have (in literal terms) no obligation to - but I do, because I love these children. But time and time again, I am faced with a BM who does not support these children, is not involved in their lives (school, friends, extra curriculars, etc) - but has rather extensive demands. Just wondering if there is anyone else out there experiencing the same/similar.
i have been in my SS11 life since he was 1. When SS came to live with DH it was because BM called and advise DH to "pick up his FN son b/c she didnt want him"... she was minimally after that.....very busy with her social life, except for when it came time to make demands. she has continued the demands for the last 10 years...always when her life is a little too miserable or she sees we are a little too happy. BM has had no issue giving up her visitation time with SS...sometimes seeing him only 1 day a month...but then she'll cycle back and say she needs him more to be balanced
DH and SS are my life. Same as you... i do all the school, friends, extra curriculars...but BM constantly feels the need to call me and pull rank ("you are not his mother and you need to not cross the line")... bottomline... she doesnt do anythng for SS and doesnt want to...she just doesnt want to look bad b/c i do genuinely want to. Not to mention DH and I completely financially support SS while she buys herself new clothes, cars and shoes. She has no problem with me paying the bills but if i go to a parent teacher conference... we get a $hitty note or call.
To start this off - I am by
To start this off - I am by law a 'step' parent of children of I have cared for and raised for the last 5 years. When I met my partner, he was a single father of 3 children (2 biological, 1 child a 'step' parent to) who has subsequently gained sole custody of all 3 children (including the non biological child) as per the consent of the BM. Over the past 5 years, I have raised these boys as my own.
When I came into the picture, the BM had not seen, nor contacted her children in over a year. Following my entry into the children's lives, the BM sought access, which she was granted with extreme restrictions. Over the past few years, court ordered access has been set from every other weekend (to establish relations with the BM) to access every other month or less frequent(at the request of the BM). Her support is garnished at this point, (as she has not consistency with payments and payments are minimal).
VERY long story short - I have raised and supported 3 children over the past 5 years, who I have (in literal terms) no obligation to - but I do, because I love these children. But time and time again, I am faced with a BM who does not support these children, is not involved in their lives (school, friends, extra curriculars, etc) - but has rather extensive demands. Just wondering if there is anyone else out there experiencing the same/similar.
i have been in my SS11 life
i have been in my SS11 life since he was 1. When SS came to live with DH it was because BM called and advise DH to "pick up his FN son b/c she didnt want him"... she was minimally after that.....very busy with her social life, except for when it came time to make demands. she has continued the demands for the last 10 years...always when her life is a little too miserable or she sees we are a little too happy. BM has had no issue giving up her visitation time with SS...sometimes seeing him only 1 day a month...but then she'll cycle back and say she needs him more to be balanced
DH and SS are my life. Same as you... i do all the school, friends, extra curriculars...but BM constantly feels the need to call me and pull rank ("you are not his mother and you need to not cross the line")... bottomline... she doesnt do anythng for SS and doesnt want to...she just doesnt want to look bad b/c i do genuinely want to. Not to mention DH and I completely financially support SS while she buys herself new clothes, cars and shoes. She has no problem with me paying the bills but if i go to a parent teacher conference... we get a $hitty note or call.
you are definately not alone.