Constant communication from husbands ex wife
My husbands ex wife is a difficult person; I posted before and got great advice on dealing with her generally.
The problem now is that despite following advice to minimize contact with her as much as possible, she has escalated her communication and touch points. For example because of her harassing behavior, my husband blocked her on text and calls, and they are only to communicate via email. She sends multiple emails a day ranting about one thing or another or threatening to do xyz to go to court or get the kids or whatever else. Generally my husband ignores these messages and only responds to the ones with substantive parenting issues. She finds a reason to drive to our house as much as possible (eg one of the kids left something at one house or another, or she decides to drop the kids off even though my older SD drives).
When the kids are with her, they say she asks them non stop what we all do when they are here, what our plans are, etc.
We have talked with a lawyer and she says all of this does not add up to enough for a harassment charge.
Has anyone else been in a similar situation? How did you handle it? Any advice appreciated.
He's doing the right thing
He's doing the right thing with the emails - if he can direct them to another folder instead of his inbox, he can choose to read them when he feels like it rather than being notified that they are there 10 times a day. Our Family Wizard might be even better.
He should let BM know that she is no longer to come to the house without his permission, and if she drops off the kids, to do so at the foot of the driveway and not to come to the door. If she shows up unannounced, don't answer the door and call the police. Yes, it will bother the kids, but she needs boundaries set on her. If the kids truly leave something at your house, THEY can communicate with DH and he can leave the item outside for THEM to come get while BM waits in the car at the foot of the driveway.
Be prepared to involve the police if you have to. BM here once tried to push her way into our house - DH shoved her out and shut the door. She was aghast and called the police to say she'd been "assaulted". They told her she could be arrested for trying to force her way into the house. She never stepped out of her car in our driveway again, nor did she ever come over for anything other than court ordered pick-ups/drop-offs.
Oh yes
^^^^This^^^^ couldn't have put it any better. I remember once NPD BM tried to push her way into the flat we were living in at the time, DH barred the door and she didn't get in. These pushy, aggressive PITAs need to be dealt with very firmly.
Same here, btdt. Follow
Same here, btdt. Follow thru with the cops. Trespassing
Time to go for a CO for
Time to go for a CO for contact to only be through OFW or some other fully Court accessible communication method.
If your lawyer can't deliver on what you have hired them to deliver, find one who is worth a shit and can deliver.
Never forget that lawyer are like doctors. If one can't help you, invariably another one who is better and more experienced can.
Keep tightening the noose around BM's idiot neck and never stop until you have her twitching with sniveling anxiety over any contact with your family at all.
Toxic idiots understand pain. Bring the pain. Protect your family and prepare your Skids to protect themselves from the toxic BM.
Good luck.
DH had similar issues with BM
DH had similar issues with BM as far as contact goes. She's too lazy to come to our house, so that was never an issue.
At first, he moved to email contact only. BM would scream and cry and say, "email isn't working because you never respond to me!!!" Then she demanded a mediation and her lawyer suggested Our Family Wizard. At the previous mediation, DH had suggested OFW, so he gladly agreed. At the second mediation, they also agreed that if BM asked a question that required an answer, DH had 72 hours to reply and if he didn't, BM could do whatever she wanted (or DH could if BM didn't reply). They could also say, "immediate response needed" if they needed a response before 24 hours. Surprise, surprise, everything is "immediate response required" from BM. BM repeatedly complains, "you don't respond like we agreed to..." even though in her mind response is required after 24 hours, which is not in their agreement, but really, the agreement indicates that DH is actually not required to reply at all. BM can cry and scream, but she can't force DH to reply to her.
SSs are now teens, so if they need something, they should be able to ask DH themselves. BM still sends long, rambling rage-filled emails and if a reply is needed, DH will send a 1-2 sentence reply. Recently, DH also sent BM an email saying that he wouldn't reply to anything in which she insulted him, so he now ignores a lot of her emails outright. She always likes to say that she doesn't see anything insulting or something like, "sometimes it hurts to hear the truth", but really, there's no need for him to put up with her manipulation and abuse anymore.
Basically, these BMs just want attention, any attention, even negative attenion allows them to keep the connection to their ex. Ignoring as much as possible and keeping replies as short, direct, and unemotional as possible won't make the problem go away, but it will at least give you and your DH a way to step away from everything.