Rejection?!
My boyfriend has a 2 year old son that lives with us about 50% of the time. Things have been great up until this weekend when we went on our first family trip. His son has always loved me and would come to me when he was scared or hurt. He and I had our own bedtime routine where I would put stuff in his hair and blow dry it and he would snuggle up to me (with his daddy laying next to us) watching videos before bed.
However, this weekend he was pushing me away saying, "Don't come swimming with us" "Get out of the pool" "You can't lay with us" things of this nature. This contiuned when we got home. I'm not sure what happened that flipped a switch with him and it is causing a rift between my boyfriend and I, as neither one of us want him to feel uncomfortable. My boyfriend is trying to "correct" him by saying, "That's not nice" and suggesting that he tell me he loves me and give me a hug.
Suggestions? Is this just a 2 year old being a 2 year old or do we have something else at hand?
With step parents, it's not generally considered PAS
And at 2, it's pretty developmentally appropriate. When my DD was 2, she was a complete butt about what and who belonged where. Frankly, you aren't the momma, so you're an easy target for any feelings he might be having about being away from Mom on vacation, which changes dynamics, by definition.
As much as I know it must hurt and feel yucky (and you don't deserve to be insulted/excluded, etc.), you can't let this get to you. At 2, he knows not what he's doing, and frankly, he doesn't have to love you and he's not responsible for your feelings.
Your BF needs to be teaching kindness and respect for people, and not just correcting the meanness and forcing kiddo to tell you he "loves" you.
I keep telling my BF that if
I keep telling my BF that if he doesn't want to hug or tell me that he loves me, then don't force it, he will come to me when he is ready. I just want to do what's right by him.
2yos don't have the mental capacity
2yos don't have the mental capacity to understand what the hell they want. Besides, this is BM crap. Don't sweat it. And most importantly, don't tolerate it. Your SO should not tolerate it either.
My eldest nephew went through a phase at that age where he did not like my wife and was very vocal about it. I took him for a "man to 2yo" talk and let him know that if he did not like his Aunt he did not like me or his cousin and he would not see any of us. He burst into tears, said he was sorry and sobbed for a good 10mins. His mom kept interfering but I let her know that everything was fine and asked for her to give us a few minutes. My brother had to take his wife for a walk. After our talk he was very sorry and apologetic with his Aunt.
He is now 22 and my DW has been his favorite Aunt for years. He is wicked smart, just like my DW and he and my DW connect on several levels and have a unique relationship that they both cherish.
Don't give a 2yo any standing. They are not old enough to have any. Confront the toxicity firmly. For example, when he tantrums over you being in the pool or lying with he and your SO, inform him that he will be getting out of the pool or out of the bed, pick him up and remove him from either the bed or the pool, place him in his own bed or on a lounge chair and keep him there until his attitude changes. Keep it simple. Be the adult and make sure he clearly recognizes the difference in your standing and his.
Lather....... rinse........ repeat.