Every now and then I come to this forum because it helps me feel better and less alone. At the start, I would feel alone in my negative thoughts about SS11's odd, baby-ish ways... but over time DH has seen it too and we both agree it's wrong and he needs to grow up or he will be bullied when he goes into high school (next week!!!) 

We both also agree not to take it out on SS11 as it's not his fault but we don't have him enough to have enough of an impact. We have just agreed to show him what stability and a happy but honest family home is like - we don't pretend. So no issues with DH now we are on the same page. We can't even control his weight gain because he comes to us after having three take out meals in less than 24 hours, leaving us to limit him to a healthy meal for fear of overfeeding him. (FYI it's still enough food, and the same amount as what I eat as a 29 year old woman, so we're not starving him when he comes to us!)

We treat him very well and he wants for nothing - I could tell you how we do but what I'm really asking is how I am meant to disengage from BM...

Yesterday she went mental because DH didn't want to put money straight into her account for school clothes. He pays more CSA than he needs to and had offered straight away to go with SS11 himself to buy stuff like the shoes but we know she likes to make out 'dad doesn't pay for anything, mummy does it all by herself' and he is tried of her having this power. Obviously the accusations then come that he doesn't care for SS11 bla bla bla. So we have bought another uniform already, which ironically was cheaper than the money she was asking for... Money is not the issue with us, I would rather put money into a savings account for him than into her lip fillers.

BM and I have no contact but she is causing me a lot of anxiety. Her parenting techniques are odd and make me feel a bit sick at times. She is recently single, they split up over COVID, and she gets lonely it seems.

SS11 often tells us how they share a bed (I am not a mother so I don't know if this is normal), when we were all together in July she said to him 'I'm the only girl in your life' when we were winding him up about girfriends (FYI we also say boyfriends too - no prejudice here!), he came to ours yesterday with fake tan stains all over his hands because 'I put fake tan on mum's back for her' and DH often texts SS11 'I'm going to bed now' as his son is still watching movies with his mum gone 11pm. In my world it's a bit odd......Oh and another small thing, in his phone his mum is down as Mummy *heart eyes* with about 20 different hearts.

Are kids at school going to think he's a bit odd or is it normal now for kids to be this close to their mums, moisturising fake tan onto their naked backs and texting her constantly when he's with us? If this is normal I will pipe down - I just need to be told, because I can't recall ever seeing either of my parents naked.

HOW do I disengage from this? I can't seem to learn not to give a shit...