Hello, this will be a rather long post, but please bear with me.

I decided to come here because I simply don't really have anybody else to talk to anymore. Moreover, lately is like whenever my wife and I try to talk about this she automatically goes in self-defense mode against me and to defend herself, her choices, and her kids, which I understand, but it is why I feel talking is just counter-productive at this point. I met my wife a few years back, I instantly fell in love, she was honestly everything I ever wanted in a person, she still is. We connected right away, everything felt just right, like it was just supposed to happen. She had been married before and had two kids, which are now 14 and 15. I knew this was going to be anything but a smooth ride, but I never had a doubt because she was worth it, and still is. After her divorce, she pretty much lived her life for those two kids, that was the only thing she lived for pretty much, though she had her own hobbies and whatnot. However, they did run her life and house. She says she used to do everything for them because she simply did not mind and did not have anything else to do. These kids had ZERO sense of boundaries and or respect, to the point that I will never forget the first night I stayed over, the next morning the older one just opened the door and walked in the room like she owned the house, to say the least, I was beyond uncomfortable. She and the ex-husband used to meet up Friday nights for him to take the kids, and then again Sunday afternoon for her to take them back. Anyhow, we started dating and after a while, we decided I would move in with them. We also got married quickly after that. I would say after a month or so of me living with them, the problems began. My wife also got pregnant and that just exacerbated the problems. One night out of nowhere, the ex-husband called my wife on the phone yelling at her, demanding to know why was she allowing a man to stay in her own house with his kids, that I could be a pedophile, and that I was with my wife for the money (right). He also demanded to know why was she making her kids sit properly at the table and teaching them to eat properly with a fork and knife, this imbecile literally asked my wife, what was so wrong about her kids eating a steak with their hands (this truly happened). And from there he kept threatening her to stop paying child support, which he was underpaying, as he happened to be. These kids would constantly make weird, disrespectful, and rather concerning remarks about me and our baby. For example, one time on the way from school, the older one suggested we should get a cake in the form of a baby and just cut and eat the head, because it would be funny. They complained to their dad about how it was so hard to live with their mom know because she would make them eat properly and clean up after them, they complained about how she made them wait 3 mins to start eating their food while we prepared our own plates, they complained about how we sometimes would close the door of out bedroom, they complained about their mom would make a sandwich sometimes but not them. I honestly feel bad for them, they are not horrible kids, they just have a bunch of issues. They are lazy in a sorry way, always looking to cut corners and getting out of work and shores, always and constantly doing the bare minimum. They lie and manipulate all the time. They trash talk me and their mom to their dad and his girlfriend. My wife once saw on the older one's phone a conversation with a group of friends, where she was telling them how good it felt to give their dad trash about their mom, how much they hated living with her and in her house. She gets very sad and hurt for this, she's always excusing them and giving a million reasons as to why they do the things they say. She tells them all the time they don't have to lie or manipulate or create problems for anybody, that if they want to live with their dad to just let her know. Their father tells them how their mom doesn't care about them anymore, she only cares about her new babies, he told them not to expect me to buy them stuff if I happened to but my own kids some stuff because I don't care about them either, and even though that's not truth, at the end of the day, I'm not their father. He told them how he would stop seeing them if they did not agree to live with him half the time, he calls them stupid, retarded, and so on any time he gets, or so they say. We also found out he was tracking us and where we were all the time through their phones, after that we told him to keep it at his house because she wasn't allowed to use it at our house anymore, to which he said, she will keep it and use it at your house too... lol anyway, we've kindly put him on his place a couple of times, but he seems to keep forgetting his place from time to time. We went to court and they now live half the time with their dad, and though we expected all these problems to stop, they did not. He constantly asks them about our house, tells them my relationship with me and my wife won't last, to stay strong and hang in there. He constantly asks them about my job, tells them I don't work, that I am a bum, and that he's paying for my bills through chill support (he pays less than 50 bucks a month now I believe). We moved recently to a new house, and I had to spent about $1700 fixing things they had broken unnecessarily, such as closet’s doors, their bathroom toilet, walls, stairs, kitchen cabinets, etc. When they aren’t here at our house, the house stays clean all week and organized, we handle our two new babies with no issues really, we go to bed early, everything happens smoothly, however when they’re here, everything is a mess, the house is dirty constantly, stuff everywhere, dirt everywhere, their room is simply disgusting, they sometimes go days without showering, they sometimes don’t even brush their teeth. They have horrible table manners; they burp out loud like and if I get pissed or bothered and say something then I am the bad person. They have mental breakdowns and cry if they have to sweep or mop, they get pissed off and curse their mom out when she tells them to put their phone away. Like I said, they’re lazy, they have no common sense. I feel like a bad person all the time, I am starting to hate who I am becoming because I am always bothered, I am always angry. My wife and I were not even able to enjoy our kid’s pregnancies because of all the issues we had with them and their dad. We are stressed constantly, we fight all the time, and we only have a source of problems, and it is them and their dad getting in our lives. They keep slamming doors and cabinets and toilet seats, they keep leaving the front door unlocked, they keep leaving things that our toddler can easily get and put in his mouth. I hate living in a house that looks like a trailer trash home, my wife says it is not that bad, and that we have kids and she like a home that’s “lived-in”. She says she feels bad that all she does is to tell them to clean and that they don’t have fun anymore, and I understand that, however if they would not make the messes to begin with, or clean one time well done fast that would not happen. I hate this situation because they then leave at the end of the week and it is me or my wife the ones who have to come and clean the house and every single stuff they leave behind. My wife tells me how I always stress her out, that I only see the bad things they do, that I’m always focusing on the things that need to be done, that I over exaggerate everything. I feel like I can’t talk to her anymore, I don’t know if I am too much to live with, or if that I’m a bit too OCD when it comes to cleanliness and organization. I hate a messy home, it drives me crazy, I feel I can’t go to sleep when outside looks like 20 dogs ran around all day. I don’t want to lose my wife, my kids, my relationship because of this situation, but every time I try to talk to her she automatically puts up this wall and instantly gets on defense mode. They cannot do anything bad, and the things she happens to agree with that are not ok, are always forgotten with a simple sorry from their part, and then right back at it. Whenever I bring up something to her that they did or are in the process of doing she gets upset like, here we go again, today for example, they went out and came back, I went to the car later and they left trash in the car seats. When talking about this with my wife she says, they do one thing you don’t like and you put a bad face one, which is just manipulative to say the least, because she just dismisses the other 150 things they’ve done through the week that I have had to be on top of. I’m sorry for all the rambling, I really am. I feel like I’m alone on a corner of the ring, and it is my wife and them on the other end. She says she does everything I say, but I feel she doesn’t really support me when it comes to things like this. Those are her kids, not mine, and I understand why she’d be defensive, but I wish sometimes she would get on my side too and handle the situations and cared more about them than a little “sorry” that has never fixed or changed anything. Am I wrong about this?