Feel like a door matt
Il try an summarise my issue.
im step dad. My partner has 4 kids.
We have been living together for 8 years.
her eldest is 21, who has moved her partner in who is 26 semi-permanently about 18months ago. Eating everything In Sight, leaving mess everywhere they go, using all the towels, filling the kitchen of dirty dishes, and even complaining if there favourite food isn't there.
they are both working, but neither chip in towards household costs.
I mentioned to my partner I am not happy with the situation about 3 months ago but my partner said kids shouldn't have to pay rent.
I'm still not happy as I have part funded her childhood and it's now led into adulthood plus her partner.
it's not the way the world works.
I have drawn up a plan that I think is reasonable,
i have calculated all household costs.
to make things easy I will class everyone as an equal,
Does it sound fair to request that the adult stepchild and her adult partner pay one sixth of the household costs each as there are 6 household members. Would equate to £50 per person per week. That cost would include meals.
I have got to the point where I feel like saying to my partner if you want them to live here for free you can fund it.
any advice or thoughts welcome!
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Comments
but my partner said kids
but my partner said kids shouldn't have to pay rent
And I agree, except these are not kids ,but adults. One of them is 26, so not even new to adulthood (and, apparently, has no self respect).
What you are proposing is absolutely fair. Not only should they be helping financially, but they should definitely be helping out around the house, as well. It is not a free hotel, complete with maid and laundry service.
On the other hand, seems they've been able to save some money, since they have no bills at your place, maybe it's just time they get a place of their own. I have nothing against living together, but I'll be damned if my SD was ever going to play house in MY house, and on my dime.
If they are grown enough to to live together as a couple, it's time to go out into the world and be adults.
I vote that the adult skid
I vote that the adult skid and her f@ck buddy be given thirty days notice to find someone else to sponge off.
That leaves your wife, her three younger kids, and you. Separate finances, and pay only 1/5 of the household expenses. Those kids have two parents and you are neither so you're not obligated to support them. You've been nice, and you've been generous. Where has that gotten you?
Nice guys get used up and finish last in steplife, so if you want things to change, be the change. Draw some hard boundaries, and if your wife doesn't like it, tell her she can leave - and MEAN IT.
This.
They should not be living with you. Give them 1 or 2 months at most to find their own place together and move out!
Boot them out, then wife pays
Boot them out, then wife pays 3/4 and you pay 1/4. Unless there is a good reason they can't move out now (COVID has made it hard in some countries), they go - otherwise, yes your 1/6th each plan sounds great.
Seems like you are being used for your financial contribution.
If she is unwilling to have
If she is unwilling to have them chip in, which is a fair a reasonable request. Then take all of the bills out of your name and tell her you will only pay your share of the expenses which is $50 a week and point out to her if you leave she will be paying 100% of the expenses because they are not your kids.
You have every right to be upset you are being used and taken advantage of.
Advice
Well, with the limited information, my advice would be to give them 30-60 days notice to move out. Even with them paying towards bills and food, they are still disrespecting you and your household by not picking up and complaining about the food they are consuming and not offering to pay towards things. They are mooching and leaving messes. They arent KIDS, they are ADULTS. They need to be out on their own and independent of you.
You are too generous letting them stay.