I agree with you - stepgrandparents are NOT obligated to treat step-grandkids the same way they treat their own bio grandkids, at all. I would expect only that they be civil and not snub those stepkids entirely, but that's all.

Kids can understand if you sit down and talk to them - these are your grandparents, these are the other kids' grandparents, so things will not be equal.

You need to point out the "special" relationship your ss has with his own grandparents and one which has excluded your son, how is that "fair"? Perhaps he should be addessing this inequality seeing as they are excluding their adopted grandkid and I would start by quietly pointing these disparities out to your dh everytime it happens- I would ask him if he would like it if you started to become resentful towards ss and also dh's family and told your PIL they needed to change to include ds? (I must admit I can be quite stubborn and spiteful if someone starts taking the p*ss out of my family and ESPECIALLY if they hurt them and my child).

 . Your dh adoped ds while YOU have not adopted dh's kids, therefore the circumstances are quite different, your skids are getting presents, quality time from your family (who sound *more than* generous towards them), dh's family AND bm's...so they get three loads of attention and gifts, while ds (and now your baby) have only dh's family and your own!

Can he not see your family do not *have* to be as generous as they are with ss? They are because they are good people. I regularly read stories where the disparity is huge, if that was happening then he would have a point but it isn't! Your family are also helping your entire unit and dh wants to throw that in their faces? Is he stupid? He is literally cutting his nose off to spite you all and only because the stack isn't in his kids favour? wow. Does he realise that he made a choice, a promise to ds and now because his kids aren't getting such a big piece of the pie he resents a boy abandoned by his alcoolic dad?!!

By trying to intercede between ds's realtionship and your parents while not addressing the differences shown from his side he is infact trying to favour his own kids ...You need to stop this now as where will it end? If your wealthy parents decide to assist in ds's and baby's college education will dh throw a fit, would he interefere in the advantages your kids would get? what about weddings? grandkids? Will he feel entitled, like he does now, to ensuring he piggybacks on your family's wealth and that his other kids profit from their stepparents extended family? I would suspect the answer would be yes sadly.

I do agree with all of the above. 

However, My grandmas  solution to stop family bickering (she has nine children, 30 grandchildren, and many great grandchildren, with a couple of steps somewhere in that equation) 

is to buy each ‘family’ a present at Xmas. The only time someone has their own present is if they have just been born or sick!

Your husband is wrong.  Your parents and your family have no obligation to his children, other than to be kind to them when they're with them.  His children are NOT your parents' grandchildren, and frankly, your parents are being quite generous to your stepchildren.

I have two SDs and one bio with DH.  My parents are well off and they're pretty generous with the SDs.  They've taken SDs to Disney World, invited them to their beach home and paid everything for them and entertained them while they were there.  My parents buy them birthday and Christmas gifts, buy them craft supplies and toys for when they're over at their house, and spend time with them.  However, they are even more generous with my bio, their actual grandchild.  They bought a lot of her baby equipment, they've funded a college account for her, they buy her generous gifts.  My DH would never DREAM of complaining that the SDs don't get the exact same treatment as DD.  To do so would be incredibly entitled and ungrateful.  In fact, BM and her family have thanked my parents for treating the SDs so well and doing things for them.  Anything my parents do for the SDs is viewed as gracious and generous and it is appreciated.  That's how it should be.

I'm not sure what your husband is thinking.  If his kids complain that your parents' ACTUAL grandchildren get more than they do, it needs to be explained to them that they have their own real grandparents, and that anything your family does for them is a bonus.  Kids need to be taught appreciation and gratitude.  Your husband acting entitled does not do that.  He doesn't get to dictate what gifts your parents give, or tell them gifts have to be equal.  He also doesn't get to dictate who they take on vacation with them.  As long as they're not being blatant about it (and it sounds like they're trying not to be), he needs to thank them for what they do for his kids and move on from this wrong way of thinking.

IMHO, it depends on whether or not your parents have a GP relationship with your SKids.

My SS-28 is my parent's eldest GKid.  Not their first, but their eldest.  My mom and dad met my SS when his mom and I were dating when he was about 18mos old.  We married the week before he turned 2yo.  My niece was born about the time my parents met my SS.  They are the GPs he is closest with of all of his three GP branches.  

I pitty anyone who would tell my parents that he is not theirs.  

If Skids are older when they enter the multigernational family of their SP, then it is entirely the onus of the SGPs as to whether or not they are claimed as GSkids or treated on par with their BioGKs. 

The BP of the Skid really has no say in that.  THey can bitch and complain, invariably with feelings of how it isn't fair that their own SKids have a benefit that their own children do not have.

Meh.

They can all get over it and STFU. THe alternative is for everyone to be miserable. Sharing the pain is not something that I have ever considered a good idea.

IMHO of course.

My Mom really WANTED my steps to be included like family. She tried. They ignored her. Hurt her feelings. I just told her they were adults and didn't really want me around anyway, so place your generosity somewhere else.

A few years later, SD sent my Mom a birth announcement for one of her kids. My Mom says, "Who is this from? Do you know this person?" Made me laugh. Mom didn't send a card or a gift. 

Anyway, I agree with everyone else that this is your DH's problem. I think I'd just tell him to knock it off, end of discussion. Your family is doing nothing wrong. It's not like they are ignoring the steps or harming them in any way. It's just the reality of step families.

When your husband and exwife aren't. The reality in blended marriages/relationships is there cannot be equality.

for example, my husband is malaysian, i am australian i come from a financially better country and my kids have aussie citizenship & malaysian, my kids will get better access to quality education and university for free compared to skids. That isn't my fault. The reality is skids mum is from a poor village and refused to work but preferred to find any sucker to freeload off. I do not feel guilty in the slightest. 
 

skids are not entitled to anything from your estate or family, to insinuate they are by your husband is insane. If he complains again, then i would say "well maybe your exwife's family should get rich then !!