Can you disengage some?  It doesn't sound like you dislike the boys, just the noise and mess of 2 boys that age being around so much.  I know what you mean, I had my bio son and 2 SSs, there was 4 years from the oldest to the youngest.  I wasn't raised with boys but at that age, they are horrible.  It seems like all they did was fight with each other and make noise and messes.  We had the kids every weekend and one thing that helped was at least one day each weekend, DH took them (and DD and SD) out of the house for a few hours. That gave me time to regroup, rest and get my sanity back.  I remember one day, it was the only time I cried, I had been outside but could hear them figjting in the house.  When I came inside, the drapes had been torn down, they had been fighting near the window.  They were never fighting in anger, just poking and pushing each other all the time.  Drove me crazy.

Anyway, back to you.  Try disengaging and see if you can get DH to take them someplace where they can work off some of their energy.  Good luck

To me, the proper response should be, "I'm sorry you feel that way, what can I do to make it better?"

You may have stopped working, but that does not mean you cannot start working again - and it sounds like now is a great time to start looking for a new position. 

I think some men (and women), when supporting someone else feel like they are invincible - or what they say goes. Somehow their opinions are more important because they are supporting the other. It sounds like your husband may be one of them. 

Not saying it is right - but perhaps if you started working he may be more willing to look at things from your perspective (this would annoy me personally and I would have to meditate on it to see if I could make peace with it). If he does not change his thinking, then you are able to self support and make decisions in a different manner than if you are unable to self support. 

What nine and 11-year-old boys want to hang out with an adult woman anyway? the types of things that you're interested in there interested in don't have very much overlap. For your husband to want you to be involved in playing with them it's a bit much, how much does he play with them? Does he play video games with them then that can totally be his thing and you don't have to have the same thing. 

I think it's ridiculous when bioparants expect the step parent to take on the same interests as their kids. I would just focus on your daughter and if they happen to be watching a movie that you want to see go ahead and watch it but if not disengage.

Whrn you know the answer.  He wants one big Happy Family.  Have SM. Being the de facto mother.  Loving SK as there mother should love them.  That the kids can do no wrong    
 

Thid is not realistic,    

Well, your husband's question to you was fair.  You told him you hate when his kids are there... he asked you how you/he could get past this.  He knows it is toxic for your relationship with him to "hate" the presence of his children (that he loves).  So, he wants to understand how to "fix" the issue.. 

To an extent, this may not be something you have to "embrace".. but it may be something you need to get to a point that you can "accept".

The kids aren't going away.  He is a father to them.. just as much as he is to your own child (I am assuming that is the case).. just as much as you are to your daughter.. a bio parent and you love that child with all your heart.. and probably will ultimately defend them even when they may not be on their best behavior.

So, he will have visitation.. barring a serious safety issue.. the visitation will happen in your home.  

So.. how can it work out?

What do you need for HIM to do?  Does he need to supervise his boys better?  Does he need to "get them outside" to burn off steam instead of rampaging in the house?  Does he need to teach them manners?  Does he need to pick up more chores on his plate when the boys are there making messes?  What could he be doing to make the situation more bearable (barring not allowing visitation.. obv)?  Can he set boundaries with his boys.. allow you some sanctuary space in the house to retreat to when you are overwhelmed?

But also, what can YOU do to improve the situation?  Can you do a bit of "embracing" and try to focus on the positives of his kids.. kind of faking it till you make it with them?  I am not talking about being in their with them every waking second.. but maybe making an honest effort to get to know them as people.. and not just the annoying turds they represent to you right now.  Can you also do a bit of disengaging?  Find time to take your daughter for long walks.. let your DH watch all the kids while you run some errands.. or go see your family (yeah.. i know covid limits some of that at the moment).  Shoot.. even just getting in your car for a while to decompress might help.  Can you start to try to figure out and focus on your hills to die on vs trying get every small annoyance changed?  What are the big things that might help there with them?  

It may be overwhelming to your husband because I think he is hearing that you "hate my children".. and that is a tough hill to get over as a parent.  Surely there are ways that you and he can compromise and work to improve things... and it seems he is asking you to work for it.. but youshould also ask him to put in effort with his kids to improve their behavior to make them more tolerable for other people;

Maybe you need a bigger house so you're not on top of each other? I find boys that age super amusing. Mine is 15 and it's a riot watching him hang out with his friends. Maybe because it reassures me that he's normal. 
 

Getting a book on child development is super helpful for step parents so you know what's normal (boys making stupid noises and mock fighting with each other) and what's not (disrespectful behavior or words). 
 

I posted above about our 3 rowdy boys.  This was at a time when I was so overwhelmed.  DH and I were growing apart, too.  There were stepkids issues, he was working a demanding job with long hours, he was drinking, I had many issues including insecurity about BM, in short, it was a hard time.  I considered leaving and as a last ditch effort, went to counseling myself when he refused marriage counseling.  One big takeaway was the importance of us having one-on-one time every day.  This was hard to carve out with 5 kids demanding attention but it made a huge difference.  I was also urged to engage more, like you, I thought it wasn't always pleasant but it made a big difference to DH.  Just passing on my experience -Your story sounds familiar.