New Challenges
Hey guys. I am a bio mom of 2 boys, 15 and 13. I am also a soon to be sm to 3 girls, 15, 12, and 7. My SD's have been dealing with foster care due to their mom being in a bad place mentally and physically. STB Hubby and I are fighting for custody of the girls. However, alot has been on my mind lately. With their Bio Mom abusing them in mulitple ways, I am scared to death that they will resent me for what is going on with her. I am scared that they are going to hate me because their mom hurt them. How do I help them through what happened when I'm not their mom and I'm nobody to them besides their dad's wife? I am so scared that I am going to fail at this thing called life with them.
Plus side is that I know them and my boys get along, while visiting the foster home. But how will that change once we bring them home? I am so confused on how to navigate through this transition. HELP?!?!?!?!
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How is it that the girls went to foster care instead
How is it that the girls went to foster care instead of to your SO? Did he have any sort of custody before the girls were put in foster care?
I think you should be concerned about adding two teenage girls who are the same age as your teenage boys to your household. That is just asking for trouble, expecially if the girls have had a difficult past.
The girls are going to need therapy.
Oh boy. My guess is that all
Oh boy. My guess is that all your fears are well-founded. Not only will they resent you, but BM is not going to be happy about another woman playing mom.
If I were you, I'd let DH know that he will 100% be their primary parent and disciplinarian. Yes, you can cook for them or do laundry etc (if you want to), but no discipline, no telling them to go to bed or clean their rooms, that has to come from him all the time. Otherwise, you will be "mean stepmom" in short order - couple that with an angry, mentally ill BM, and things will go downhill fast.
Now, I could be wrong - but this has disaster written all over it. Before you agree, insist on home visits, with the girls staying with you guys for a few days at a time, where DH demonstrates he will parent and discipline them.
And what Kes asked - why did they go to foster care instead of straight to him?
These kids have to be mentally screw up
You are in for nothing but trouble. These kids must be immediately put into therapy. Like at least every week for a time until therapist see it as needing less therapy.
Even with that. The first Red Flad is why SO let this happen. He is not that involved with his kids.
You can't do more then BP. And there are doing nothing.
I would start getting an exit plan in place in case you need it
The only thing you can do is
The only thing you can do is make sure they have a really good therapist to help work through their anger and resentment and learn where to place it.