So. After a year with my partner. Looking after. Cooking. Cleaning for his kids every other weekend and holidays. Is it wrong of me to exspect a Mother's Day card? Flowers?
In my opinion, yes, you are wrong. You aren't their mother. You have every right to expect appreciation for all you do, but not to be honored as their mother.
ETA: Re-read your last post - you are especially wrong considering how you feel about his kids and that you repeatedly said you aren't their mother and don't want to be their mother. So why are you acting like one and expecting to be treated like one?
Why would you think you your boyfriend's children should honor you on Mother's Day when you are not their mother, and you really don't want them around? Please explain your logic.
I guess I worded it wrong. I don't. I just wanted to hear people's general opinion. Do step mums normally get gifts and cards? I've been sending my step mum a "like a mother to me" card for years. I know for a fact that the BM new boyfriend will get a Father's Day card from the kids. So got me to thinking would they get one for me too?
im by far their biggest fan. But I'm always polite to them. Play with them spend time with them etc. I'd never express my dislike to them directly. It's not their fault I don't like kids lol.
Some stepmothers do get something on that day, some don't. I don't, and don't want it. I also don't get SS21 anything for his birthday or Christmas. We get along okay but he's enmeshed with his mother and has done some crappy things in the past.
I don't personally understand why any SM who wasn't truly acting like their mother - meaning they don't have a bio mother in the picture - would expect anything.
You definitely worded your post like you felt entitled to something on Mother's Day.
Anything under those circumstances. I understand you cook and clean but you don't like or have a strong bond with the children. Not knocking you for that, it's just doesn't go hand in hand with them gifting you something as a motherly figure in their life. If the children made you something of their own will that would be lovely but these days there's so much emphasis on dad buying nice things from the kids for their wife or partner. It's not even about the kids to the parent /step or their personal relationship, and that's what it's really about.
As an example bm sent ss through the door our first mothers with the demand 'get mummy something nice she said!' the candle he chose her for her birthday obviously wasn't enough for her (eyeroll) so she got sweet fa that year or any year since. I imagine her bf has had to spend a fortune this week, chuckle.
If you don't feel your partner appreciates your efforts throughout the year or gifts you anything nice from time to time I would simply take that up with him on another day than mother's day
Like others have said, you're not their mother. Yes, you're doing all these things (and you really shouldn't have to be doing these things!) but you won't be thanked for it so I would just step aside and not engage with it at all. I lost my own mother very close to Mother's Day, and because I don't have bio kids of my own - it's a day I choose to reflect on in my own way, because no-one else can ever understand.
Nope, not wrong at all. You are not the StepMaid, or StepServant. You are the StepMOTHER! The operative part of that role is MOTHER!!!! Your mate should be celebrating you on Mother's Day, as should your Skids. People of quality do not struggle with this concept and recognize the Mothers in their life. Grand, God, Step, and non prefix mothers. All have a motherly role and should be recognized.
IMHO.
Sadly what should be simple and obviouse rarely is in the life of a SParent.
I guess even a little recognition from him for what I do for his kids. Even though I push against being a step mum. And I'm not a huge fan of them. I do so so much with and for them. It would have been kind of nice to have a card from him? But alas. I woke this morning to nothing. But there. But in the sink and on the side.
being a step mum is a less than thanksless job it would seem
In my opinion, yes. You aren
In my opinion, yes, you are wrong. You aren't their mother. You have every right to expect appreciation for all you do, but not to be honored as their mother.
ETA: Re-read your last post - you are especially wrong considering how you feel about his kids and that you repeatedly said you aren't their mother and don't want to be their mother. So why are you acting like one and expecting to be treated like one?
Never said I wanted. Or
Never said I wanted. Or expected one. Was just asking for views.
Why would you think you your
Why would you think you your boyfriend's children should honor you on Mother's Day when you are not their mother, and you really don't want them around? Please explain your logic.
I guess I worded it wrong. I
I guess I worded it wrong. I don't. I just wanted to hear people's general opinion. Do step mums normally get gifts and cards? I've been sending my step mum a "like a mother to me" card for years. I know for a fact that the BM new boyfriend will get a Father's Day card from the kids. So got me to thinking would they get one for me too?
im by far their biggest fan. But I'm always polite to them. Play with them spend time with them etc. I'd never express my dislike to them directly. It's not their fault I don't like kids lol.
Some stepmothers do get
Some stepmothers do get something on that day, some don't. I don't, and don't want it. I also don't get SS21 anything for his birthday or Christmas. We get along okay but he's enmeshed with his mother and has done some crappy things in the past.
I don't personally understand why any SM who wasn't truly acting like their mother - meaning they don't have a bio mother in the picture - would expect anything.
You definitely worded your post like you felt entitled to something on Mother's Day.
I wouldn't expect
Anything under those circumstances. I understand you cook and clean but you don't like or have a strong bond with the children. Not knocking you for that, it's just doesn't go hand in hand with them gifting you something as a motherly figure in their life. If the children made you something of their own will that would be lovely but these days there's so much emphasis on dad buying nice things from the kids for their wife or partner. It's not even about the kids to the parent /step or their personal relationship, and that's what it's really about.
As an example bm sent ss through the door our first mothers with the demand 'get mummy something nice she said!' the candle he chose her for her birthday obviously wasn't enough for her (eyeroll) so she got sweet fa that year or any year since. I imagine her bf has had to spend a fortune this week, chuckle.
If you don't feel your partner appreciates your efforts throughout the year or gifts you anything nice from time to time I would simply take that up with him on another day than mother's day
Like others have said, you're
Like others have said, you're not their mother. Yes, you're doing all these things (and you really shouldn't have to be doing these things!) but you won't be thanked for it so I would just step aside and not engage with it at all. I lost my own mother very close to Mother's Day, and because I don't have bio kids of my own - it's a day I choose to reflect on in my own way, because no-one else can ever understand.
Nope, not wrong at all. You
Nope, not wrong at all. You are not the StepMaid, or StepServant. You are the StepMOTHER! The operative part of that role is MOTHER!!!! Your mate should be celebrating you on Mother's Day, as should your Skids. People of quality do not struggle with this concept and recognize the Mothers in their life. Grand, God, Step, and non prefix mothers. All have a motherly role and should be recognized.
IMHO.
Sadly what should be simple and obviouse rarely is in the life of a SParent.
Even from him
I guess even a little recognition from him for what I do for his kids. Even though I push against being a step mum. And I'm not a huge fan of them. I do so so much with and for them. It would have been kind of nice to have a card from him? But alas. I woke this morning to nothing. But there. But in the sink and on the side.
being a step mum is a less than thanksless job it would seem