Am I Overreacting?
Hi everyone,
I would like to know if I'm over reacting. My fiancé came home and casually tells me that my SS's babysitter received a posite result and has COVID. I first asked if my SS is okay and then I asked what is his Mom going to do this weekend. In my mind the responsible thing would be for them to quarantine and get tested and after the results then my SS would be able to come. But again!! My fiancé said no that my SS is coming this weekend because his mom has to work. I got super upset because is my opinion not worth anything. I said if my SS comes even though I said he shouldn't then I was going away. But I shouldn't have to leave my house for the weekend because my fiancé doesn't want to listen to me.
mom so upset. So mad. I even thought about just moving out and that's when I stopped and asked myself if I'm overreacting.
adding
It's not fear of COVID that has me feeling this way. and I know he doesn't think it's a hoax and takes it seriously.. but he thinks that if he gets it because he's taking care of his son then it's okay it's the right thing to do because he is his son. I know he loves and would die for his son.. good .. perfect... but he's not alone this is my home too. My fiancé works all weekend and my SS comes every single weekend ... it's not changing visitation it's the right and responsible thing to do. If I was them I wouldn't impose the way I thinking or feel about the virus on anyone, I would do the responsible thing and if I felt ill I would quarantine. They ( fiancé and ss's mom) don't see it that way. So they are imposing all this on me. She needs to work (as a hair stylist in NYC) and possibly spread the virus. And my SS needs to come to my house where I take care of him because my fiancé works all weekend. I work m-f and since I'm off weekend they make it my responsibility.
he constantly repeats "what if he was your son what would you do" ... maybe I'm wrong but this doesn't matter. if I had kids first I wouldn't send them every weekend to the father's house to be taken care of by the step mom. I would spend some weekends with them too because how do you bond with your kids when you only see them for an hr a day during the week and then send them away weekends. Second I would not send them in this situation. I wouldn't want to feel responsible for someone dying because I didn't quarantine.
And then he hits me with the "you don't understand because you're not a mother" or "how would it be it if he was your son"
im just super upset.
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While "fear of covid" isn't
While "fear of covid" isn't grounds for changing visitation... a POSITIVE exposure to COVID should be reason for him to be quarantining at home with his MOTHER.. who should NOT be going to work since she has been potentially exposed 2nd hand.
You are not overreacting.. and this is one of the reasons why we are all still having to take these measures a year later.. this is absolutely ridiculous. Even just a negative test isn't enough if the exposure was recent enough.. it can take days to test positive...
I would probably be really tempted to move out permanently.. because either your SO is one of those people who believes this is all a hoax.. and you have a difference of opinions.. or he is ignorant of the risks.. and stupid... so perhaps the move out should be permanent?
Not afraid
I'm not afraid of COVID and I know he doesn't think it's a hoax but he thinks that if he gets it because he's taking care of his son then it's okay it's the right thing to do because he is his son. I know he loves and would die for his son.. good .. perfect... but he's not alone this is my home too. My fiancé works all weekend and my SS comes every single weekend ... it's not changing visitation it's the right and responsible thing to do. I wouldn't impose the way I thinking or feel about the virus on anyone but I would do the responsible thing and if I feel I'll I would stay away. They ( fiancé and ss's mom) don't see it that way. She needs to work (as a hair stylist in NYC) and possibly spread the virus. And my SS needs to come to my house where I take care of him because my fiancé works!
im just super upset.
She is a hair stylist who has
She is a hair stylist who has potentially been exposed to COVID???
I'm sorry.. while I "get" that your husband feels an obligation to care for his child.. the child DOES have another parent that is already in the SAME "covid exposure boat".. and they should both be at home together.... it is ridiculous to expose a different household to a KNOWN exposure.
Ask your SO how he feels about the possibiility of someone's loved one dying because his ex went to work.. or because you or he were exposed and spread it by going to work.
I'm fairly certain that the CDC would be advising BM and SS to stay quarantined and get tested ,,, your DH should not be bringing him in the home.
Unless BM is hospitalized or incapacitated.. she needs to stay home, not risk infecting customers and stay with her child.
The boy should be isolating
The boy should be isolating as should his mother until they get the all clear. I live in a state where there have only been 6 deaths all up. We take isoation and responsibility tiwards others seriously here.
Qld
No you're not. Your Fiance
No you're not. Your Fiance and his Ex are morons. The ex and her son should be self isolating and monitoring for symptoms, together at THEIR house and not going be ANYWHERE. Not to work. Not to school. Not to the store. NOT to your house!
It sounds like your finace is enjoying feeling like a hero saying he'll take this bullet for his son (get COVID for him) but is he prepared to then have to self isolate himself? Is he prepared to put you and others he comes in contact with, since he doens't sound like he takes any of this seriously and I doubt would self isolate, at risk?
I'd be telling him if he wants to see his son this bad and break health orders, he can do it at a hotel, and stay there for 14 days after the visit with his son so he can self isolate himself.
Seriously!
NO you are not overreacting.
NO you are not overreacting. I would be so p!ssed off. This is how this virus spreads. HUH
You are not overreacting at
You are not overreacting at all. The SS should be isolating with his BM, plain and simple. If your fiance disrespects you enough to have the skid come anyway, I would leave for the weekend and let HIM figure out what to do with his covid-exposed child. (Ideally HE should be leaving if he must see his kid and staying gone until quarantine is over or there's a negative test, but obviously you can't control what he does). Frankly, unless I was a SAHM who was being supported by fiance, or unless he was watching my kids all week while I worked (or some such mutually beneficial circumstance), I wouldn't be watching a skid every weekend while he worked anyway.
We don’t have kids
No, we don't have kids and furtunatly I have a m-f job. Sometimes I think about getting a weekend job just to not be available. Evil I know.
YOU ARE NOT EVIL!! LET ME SAY
YOU ARE NOT EVIL!! LET ME SAY THAT AGAIN: YOU ARE NOT EVIL! You are a normal and deserving woman who deserves to have her needs met and your "fiance" is treating you like shite and not caring about you at all! Please read your prior posts. You are being used. Please leave him and find a CHILDLESS man who will treat you like you deserve to be treated. YOu're not responsible for watching his son! And now he's going to bring covid to you. You should be so angry. You do not allow yourself to be treated this way. I am so angry for you!
Not evil at all. Better to
Not evil at all. Better to get a hobby or make arrangements with friends to be gone, though. You shouldn't have to work to get out of your second job as a nanny. The child is coming to see his father - his father should be available.
In reading your prior posts, I wonder why you want to be in this situation.
It’s hard to end
I think it's hard to end a relationship when you really care about that person. This side of him is not my favorite but I know he has a good heart. I also see that he does not do right by me.
I love him and my family loves him. And I hold on to the beginning. He was so attentive, so persistent and I would think to myself that if our relationship didn't workout at least he showed me how great a man could treat a woman. It was a beautiful beginning.
he is still sweet and faithful and family oriented. He has so many things I look for in a partner but then it all changes in the weekends
And I hold on to the
And I hold on to the beginning. He was so attentive, so persistent
Otherwise know as a bait and switch, if he doesn't still treat you like that.
He has so many things I look for in a partner but then it all changes in the weekends
He shouldn't treat you any differently on the weekends.
You shouldn't have to leave your home on the weekends and you shouldn't be the one taking care of your SS on the weekends, Covid or no Covid. You should have a say in your own home, especially about whether someone who has been exposed to Covid comes into your home.
Put your foot down. But, be prepared, you might find out just how selfish your fiancé is and why he really wants you around.
If it's too hard to end the
If it's too hard to end the relationship, then stand up for yourself. Refuse to be the unpaid nanny every weekend. Either your SO will end the relationship himself and seek out a replacement unpaid nanny (er, girlfriend) or he'll make other arrangements for his kid or change his work schedule, which will be a win for you. Either way, you'll have your weekends free and you'll know where you stand.
You have got to stop being
You have got to stop being their free weekend daycare, COVID or no COVID. Your fiance is selfish and will never treat you right if he uses you for babysitting and doesn't care about exposing you to COVID. He is showing he doesn't care about your needs.
So why doesn't he just get
So why doesn't he just get his kid tested?
And why doesn't he get visitation changed? The point of visitation is so that his son gets to spend time with his father, not to be palmed off to a babysitter (you). Why should you waste your weekend just because he wants to be sure his ex doesn't get that extra time with the child?
With all due respect....
This is simply just nuts!
It should be "fear of Covid"...even if just for the fear of passing it to other human beings who will die from the haughty attitude about Covid. Both the child and the mother need to be home as opposed to out spreading it to others who may die.
What about your family and friends...you could give it to them. If it is because of age...talk the healthy, prior to Covid, 31 year old mom in my area who just had a double lung transplant from the damage of Covid.
The Covid is a big issue. In my mind the gaslighting and total lack of care and respect for you is just as big. This stuff is not of a person with a good heart. Right after I packed and left...now...I would be calling my local health department and the employer of his former wife. This is really unbelievable if this story is accurate.
"how would it be it if he was
"how would it be it if he was your son"
"But it isn't my son and you are never even here to take care of him. What kind of a parent does that make you for leaving all the heavy lifting to me?"
Throw it back at him. MAKE him get his son tested. Tell him that you're not available to be his mother's unpaid babysitter. Heck, lady, get MAD! You are actually underreacting!
Wowza
Not cool and shit parenting.
He is not your son. Its not your responsibility to care for him and worse get exposed to that dang virus.
You work M-F, the weekeneds is your catch up not time to nanny. Doesnt sound like your SO cares about you and your well being. How flipping wonderful for SO and BM, you are the hired nanny.
Stop it, now. You are angry for a reason. You are being taken advantage of. You arent being loved and cared for like a good partner would do. A good partner would never chance exposing you to a virus that can be deadly. You should not be expected to pick up the slack of SO.
He can take SS elsewhere. Not your problemo
My opinion
You should leave this man, and this relationship. He is using you and he is endangering you and you can do so much better than this.