Hun.  You sound soooooo much like I felt.  And I am so sorry!  I'm 26 and don't have any kids of my own.  I took care of my skids while working fulltime.  Didn't get any time with my now ex, and it hurt to feel so undervalued!  you're only missign a crazy BM, some cheating and abuse and it sounds so familiar.  Espcially the no more gym and major depression.

You'll find some amazing support here for whatever you decided to do, and how you proceed.  They'll give advice on how to handle things, and they can also support you if you leave (I did that, and they really helped with the courage and then being supportive while I've been piecing myself together again for the past year and a half)

Welcome to Steptalk

Hi. I kinda at the same position. There are more details but long story short - I came to that period of life now that I totally ignore that child and not helping at all

I'm not sure this is a stepparenting issue, because minus the kids and age, you could be describing my XH.

He had all the time and attention for his projects - car, computer, motorcycle, etc. He'd make an effort to visit his friends and go out with them, but would never go out with me, especially in a group setting. Even if I dragged him out with friends and I, he'd be miserable the whole time and not engage at all.

Same situation as you with after work. Never walked in and asked how my day was, etc. He'd always walk in and immediately jump to asking why dishes aren't done or when dinner would be ready or insert anything else. I'm sure you realize just how frustrating it is to teach your husband that the polite thing to do is greet people first when he sees them.

Super limited affection. If we had sex, it was once a month. If we showed any affection, 9 times out of 10 it was because I literally begged for it. We could go days without kissing, and the kiss that would break that streak would be a peck. And gifts? It wasn't until the end of our marriage that I ever remember him getting me anything "just because". 

I always felt like a doll on a shelf. I was only lovable when I was useful. When I wasn't useful, I was just annoying to him. If he was annoyed, he was angry or sad. I can't tell you how much money I spent trying to make him happy. How much math I did so I could figure out how little he could work at the job he hated (spoiler: he hated the next job he got, too) so we could make bills. How many jobs I applied for so we could move back to his home state. How many times I slept on our couch just so I could be near him while he played video games until 2 or 3 in the morning and I had to be up for work at 6am. 

I truly hope that disengaging and calling your DH to the carpet changes his tune and he either starts recognizing that he's being unreasonable or seeks therapy for his feelings so he can be better. However, if you find that disengaging just leads to him pulling away more, know that it has nothing to do with you. If it wasn't you, it would be some other woman. He views hos relationships as transactions, and that's fine for some folks. It's not fine for you.

YOU have to do what YOU need to do to keep yourself sane and happy. He is not a child. His feelings may be a priority of yours, but they are NOT your responsibility. You can't force him to be happy, and you shouldn't have to orchestrate the perfect household in order for him to not be a Debbie Downer. You should care about his feelings and not purposefully hurt them, but you are not responsible for how he feels. That's 100% on him, and he needs to figure out how to get what he needs and/communicate what he wants from you. Even if he does, you're not obligated to sell yourself short to fill in his emotional gaps.

So, take the first step in disengaging and telling him no to things. Then, explain how you feel and what you'd like from him, and give him the opportunity to share the same. You two should be able to come up with a plan that meets your mutual needs. If you can't, then this won't work long-term.

You have been givien excellent advice. Be the person DH fell in love with. Make time for yourself, find your happiness. 

I have been in stephell for 3 years and my partner is depressed as well. It's not my job to fix that and I can't fix it for him. I know what his issues are, he is not ready to acknowledge or address his own issues.

He is basically where I was 6 years ago after a toxic relationship. The difference is he hasn't decided to take back control over his own life and I can't do that for him. 

I have made the decision that I am not going to let him drag me down with him and have established boundaries to protect myself. If he is being Eeyore today I stay right away from him, because negative people will bring you down. When he gets upset that I don't want to spend time with him. I am blantently honest as to why.

Just today he kept asking me why I was being distant. I told him I have no desire to spend time with someone who is just complaining and nagging about nonsensical things. I don't care if he feels hurt by what I said. It's the truth and he has a choice to not do it if he values spending time with me or accept that I don't want to be around him because he is being a nag. 

I don't fall for his gaslighting bologna either. Sending me 4 messages at work, then waiting for me at the door when I get home, and following me around the house to complain that one of the kids at 2 breakfast sandwiches. Is by far not comparable to me giving him a once daily reminder to schedule his kids counseling or Dr. appointment. Because he will intentionally procrastinate on actual important necessary things because he wants me to do it for him.