Or maybe defends his inability to do well in school. 

I’ve always said that DH’s inability to maintain consistency with discipline with stepsons is a big part of why they are so screwed up. He will do something like ask SS16 if he’s logging into online school and of course the response is always yes. Well we got a report card that SS has been absent as much as 82 times in one class and is failing every single class. 

We are currently Airbnbing our house so we have an apartment on the side that we moved into this year to see how the Airbnb would take off (which is why I thought SS21 had put in the location tracker, so he could see where DH is to do his dirt in the apartment). 

Turns out that everything I have been telling DH was confirmed. The boys DO have a bubble they keep and often talk crap about how much DH doesn’t do for them. While I agree that DH can do more to help them, I also feel that SS21 doesn’t give him the opportunity to help him because he lies about everything and SS16 is going the same route. At some point you have to take accountability for yourself. 

Unfortunately while SS16 is airing it all out and telling DH he doesn’t get how he can become so absorbed in work that he doesn’t pay much attention to them and asking him outright if he knows why SS21 isn’t saving, SS21, afraid of conflict tries to undo it all by saying “well, I think I was able to see the best of Dad because he was there until he had to switch his schedule”. I think it was pretty crappy of him to not have his brother’s back after he’s the one who makes DH out to be the bad one (because he is “forced” to pay bills and can’t save and somehow this is all only DH’s fault). 

I told DH I refuse to live with SS21 past December (our apartment lease is up in February). I told him to help him look for apartments...and if SS21 doesn’t save up by December, I will find and pay for the first couple of months of the cheapest apartment I can find because I can no longer live with him. He is toxic and instead of encouraging his little brother to do better, he bitches and complains about SO. DH I’m sure doesn’t like it because he stays silent when I say this and won’t say much but I put it to him this way: if he has such an issue with SS21 having to leave the house, he can go with him. Because I damn sure don’t need a husband who would  rather cave in to his irresponsible adult son than to help his wife get her peace. I gave SS21 9 years of trying to be patient but I’m at my end with it. And for kicks, during this whole discussion SS16 asks DH “Do you even know SS21 can’t save? Don’t you think it’s your fault too? Have you noticed SS21 and SMto3 don’t have a relationship?”

I had to defend myself and remind them that I am DH’s wife, and thus only obligated to him. I reminded them that I’ve tried to be there for SS21 but we got off to a bad start and he’s never been able to be transparent. I reminded them that I am always there should they want to talk but it’s them who have decided to put themselves in a bubble to keep us out. Can’t wait for SS21 to get out.