Adult SD being a brat
Not sure if anyone can advise me. Here goes, so I get a text from SD, showing a place in the mountains, that we should all go there. Its call the Quiet House. I talk to my DH and he says, no we have a quiet house right here. So I tell her that. She replies "that it would be nice to do and see something different, spending quality time together away from home. It would be fun to go on a road trip in your camper." I reply, you need to have this conversation with your Dad. We travel when he want to and we just got home and have no intention of going anywhere for a while, Nice thought though, but about 20 years too late. My DH is 86 years old, he's really not into hiking or sight seeing.. She then proceeds to send this text, "2 way street. Too bad you all havent made any effort in 35 years. You got it just how you want it!, I'll stop trying." Dang from 0 to 100 in less than 30 minutes. My reply was: "Like I said, you need to have this conversation with your Dad. Its not my problem."
So, Im just tired of being caught in the middle. Like I want to be in our camper, driving, while she has no care in the world. Her Dad doesnt drive anymore. I think she is being a brat by going off on not making any effort in 35 years. Heck they come to our house and I cook and everything for them, I guess that just doesnt count. Its her problem for sure, not mind. DH says he doesnt understand her at all.
Its been a hard road these 35 years with his children, they are now all in their 60's and still acting out. I do want to have an understanding and somewhat of a relationship with his children, but they are not making it easy. They never ask how their Dad is doing and when I do tell them things, they act not interestered. Weird bunch of people. I feel I should say something so this particular time doesnt fester into a bigger sore spot. Im pretty sure its not my responsiblity. So tell you what you have to say and thanks for listening.
WTH
She wanted your 86 year old DH to drive her to a mountain cabin? She is an idiot.
She just wanted to use your camper - at least that's what it sounds like to me.
I drive, DH doesn't drive
I drive, DH doesn't drive hardly any. Your right, sd wanted a free ride at my expense so she could drink while I drive. No way. Thanks for your input
I totally hear you
Putting aside the issue of your bratty, entitled SD wanting a freebie vacation, I totally understand where you are coming from. My DH is almost 84 and though he still drives locally, his distant vacation days are way over. Our distant kids and GKs invite us but they just don't get it. They also seem disappointed that he isn't up for the recreational activities of the past. I often wonder if they are dumb, blind or just in denial. He's old, he's winding down, he's paid his dues over and over and he's done.
The last 2 vacations: 1) YSS invited us to cruise the Bahamas with his family in his BIL's yacht. We didn't feel like we could turn him down. DH got lost in an airport and had issues because of his pee fequency. He shouldnt be on a plane anymore. 2) DH and I drove to a vacation area about 10 hours from home. I was white-knuckled all the way with him driving unfamiliar highways. I swore never again.
GD called on Father's Day hinting broadly that she and BF wanted to spend time with him. This translates as us footing a bill for dinner and many, many drinks. I realize they just moved here but get friends your age, GD. He told her no, hes not up to lots of alcohol nowadays. SD59 called him while babysitting her GS. She wanted to bring him over and give DH the opportunity to take him to a park. Translation: get the child off her hands for awhile. She even had the little boy get on the phone and ask. He told them both no. He later explained to SD that he is burned out, has paid his dues. The only good thing about all this is they heard it from his lips and he didn't throw me under the bus.
Sorry to rant on but your post rang a bell. I'd just ignore your SD's texts. She's not going to change no matter what you do.
Similar here. My DH is early
Similar here. My DH is early 70s with lots of life left in him (I hope) but with building medical issues. I swear his kids are in denial, even after he tells them he's having this and that medical procedure. The long road trips are over. And yet, his kids expect us to come to them--12 hours away. And I can't drive at night because of my own medical issues. We could fly but DH hasn't lifted a finger to make those arrangements. He keeps moaning about missing the kids and grands, but does nothing about it.
I hate the limitations of age. I hate it for DH and I hate it for myself. But I surely don't feel beholden to his kids to put our lives in danger because they have "scheduling issues" and can't (won't) make the trip to see their old Dad. Roads and planes go in both directions, and both are very welcome at our house.
Those kids will be seriously p!ssed off when DH and I take a major trip when I retire in a year or so. But who plans that? Me. This trip is a celebration for ME. And it will be a planned cruise or tour so that we are pampered and all details arranged. That's a lot different than a trip to Skidtown where we spend a lot of time managing stress levels, with no umbrella drinks in sight.
Why can't she have quality
Why can't she have quality time with dad where he is most comfortable, at his own home? Because she either wants something, or has to have it her way. People who think about themselves for years don't seem to change, I guess.
Why is she not contacting her dad in the first place? If he is not in good enough shape to have these conversations with, then he surely is not in good enough shape to drive her around in his camper.
I recall when we had the eye of a major hurricane headed towards our town (Jim Cantore was here). Did OSD check on him at all before or after? Nope. But if she wants something, he's supposed to bow to her to make sure her needs are met. Your SD sounds like she is from the same ilk. "Do what I want, or will stop trying."
What sd was really meant to say is she has held a grudge for
35 yrs and been a miserable lazy biatch who made no effory herself and who is unhappy daddy married you and she would like to invite herself into your camper.
frankly a 60 something yr old thinking an 80 something yr old wants to go on long drives to the country/forests etc is not thinking straight.
My MIL is in her mid 80's and
My MIL is in her mid 80's and I can't imagine demanding that she take our family camping! Your response was perfect by passing it on to dad. Yes, she was being a brat but she's DH's brat to handle, not yours.
Oh my gosh, I so needed to
Oh my gosh, I so needed to hear this. I've been thinking of trying to talk to her about her attitude, YOU ARE RIGHT, it's not mine to handle. She is the one who has put no effort in, to accept her Dad as he is. Thank you so much for bringing back to reality.
You handled that much more gracefully than I could
I would have gotten mad.
Like others have pointed out, you are in your 80's and want RnR. Youve cooked and catered to them and she probably is missing that! Im sure you have more stories like this one.
I would leave it between your husband and his daughter.