Guess I should add that mom(GF) does absolutely nothing to support me or defend me. It's always me having a problem with daughter. Dad naturally doesn't like me because of whatever daughter tells dad. I feel backed into a corner when I don't feel it should be that way. Their reaction or inaction only empowers her to do and say more stuff hence my fear. 

Trying to get used to the abreviations. I do get along great with BM. She is a wonderful loving generous thoughtful person. When the daughter isn't around. Then I'm the outsider and literally can't say anything to daughter. I feel like the daughter runs the house. She is the one that is narrating the story. BD is nothing but trouble. Doesn't help financially at all and pretends to be dad of the year. I agree that this is lack of parenting. 100%. I also think they both parent by guilt. Daughter has an ipad,iPhone and a computer that is not monitored while at my home. I have stressed many many times that is extremely dangerous for a child to have that kind of unfettered access to pretty much anything and everything. I've had conversations with BMs friends and also her mom and dad and they all agree but when they talk to BM they all give her different opinions according to BM. I'm in a lose lose situation. I should also mention that mom also has some mental issues and previous alcoholism problems as well. BM was in a bad accident almost a year ago from drinking and driving. Damn near killed herself. Very similar injuries to what tiger woods had but probably closer to death. I always have that in the back of my mind that BM will sink back into that. Also BM and BD have had drug use in the past which also makes me worry that daughter will have those same issues since BM and BD have had them. 

I have no issues with transgender either. I honestly am neutral. I really don't care. But at 12 yo you are barely walking and have no idea which way is up. But BM and BD are allowing her to force it in everyone. I should also mention that BM was allowing daughter to stay the night at a male friends house and the parents of that boy didn't even know that daughter was really a girl. Nor did the boy know. They stopped hanging out and the daughter said it was because boys mom and dad were getting a divorce. I guarantee there is more to the story but BM never reached out to the boys mom and dad to confirm anything. BM just believed what daughter was saying. My children are 23 and 21 so I know how kids lie and deceive. I've been thru this mess but BM won't listen to anything I say. 

Here's another example of the disrespect I've had to deal with. A few months ago in the morning before I left to work I watched as my GF was about to put a comforter in the washer. I prefer comforters to be taken to the dry cleaner because the washer isn't big enough to handle the rather large comforter. It won't wash it correctly. I proceeded to tell BM and daughter was within earshot. Daughter came over and said "don't talk to my mom like that". It was honestly a calm,adult conversation. I looked at daughter and said please don't involve yourself in an adult conversation. I left to head to work. 5 minutes later I receive a nasty text from daughter that read "don't talk to me or my mom like that ever again and don't try to shut me up". I showed BM and I was the bad guy for saying something to daughter. Daughter was never reprimanded for speaking to an adult the way she did. Another time I was changing batteries in the Arlo cameras around the house. Brought one in and got a phone call from a client and had to leave right away so I set the camera down and left. Daughter proceeded to call BM and BD to say I was spying on her. Again, I got in trouble. Don't know how you spy on someone with a camera that doesn't have a battery in it. Needless to say, I had to navigate out of that one too. 

Thanks for all the comments. I'm pretty sure I know the direction I want this to go. I just needed some clarification for some reason. Love is blind sometimes and makes you do some incredibly stupid stuff but I've held on for far too long. The accusations keep getting more and more serious and that is what is driving me at this point to end this relationship.  

And the drama continues. Child has now turned on BM. She told BM she wanted to live with BD. BM got extremely upset and had her daughters phone disconnected. BD went out and got her a new phone and now wont provide phone number to reach her. BM is having a mental breakdown as I type this. BM wanted to check herself into the hospital but because of Covid they aren't taking anything other than serious patients. What a mess! My house is a complete mess because BM packs by pulling everything out and throwing it in boxes

Another twist to this crazy story. My biggest fears came true but not for me. BMs daughter actually turned on her and started accusing BM of abusing her. That is the furthest thing from the truth sinceBM would never discipline and would get mad at you if you crossed any line with her daughter. So now BD is doing the right thing by having an emergency custody order put in place because of the accusations. It's actually the wrong thing because he isn't acknowledging that their daughter has some serious mental Health issues that are completely being ignored. I'm glad she didn't accuse me of anything but sad that it's what I thought would happen to me is actually happening to BM. That child needs some serious help.