First time post. Give me honest opinions plz.
<p>So I won't get into everything as I would be here all day, but long story short my husband has a 15 year old daughter from previous marriage. When she is around he acts differently especially if we're all in the same room like almost nervous. We have had countless conversations that usually end with he says I don't like her and all that crap blah blah when really my problem is the way HE acts when she comes. Here's a scenario from our bed you can see to the hall where the kids walk past to get to their rooms. She will get in the hallway where I cannot see her but her dad can for some reason he has said before that she waves. Okay but why only where he can see her and I cannot ? When I say something about it his response is why does it bother you? For one it makes me uncomfortable I mean why is it that IF she is waving which I'm not sure I believe she doesn't do it right in front of our door ? Instead of stopping right before our door where only he can see. Other scenarios she doesn't come in our room when I'm in there but say I go outside to smoke or something then she would go in there but if she hears me coming or sees me then she stops or goes out. I just honestly find it strange and don't understand it it drives me crazy that it seems sneakiness is going on in my house. </p>
- Pmll123's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
I would start by closing the
I would start by closing the door and not allowing kids (his or yours) in your private bedroom. I have kids and i don't so much mind mine in my room, because i raised them from birth. But other people, especially adults or teens, feels like an invasion of privacy. I'm willing to ban all kids from my room if we move in together, as feeling safe (emotionally, physically, my stuff not being used or taken) is important to me.
Why is your bedroom, your
Why is your bedroom, your personal space, gaping open for all and sundry? Don't you have limits, boundaries?
Ok...here it goes
Firstly that whole BS of "you dont like my kids", is total BS and yet EVERYONE has heard it at least once, when you are bringing up a problem or issue.
Research gaslighting and deflecting.
Secondly, its very very very common (I do it too) to blame the skid for a partner issue. "shes being sneaky", or "she does this or that"...all the details do not deflect from your first introduction to your post. He acts differently when she is there.
THATS what you need to focus on, THATS where you need help and input. You cannot change the situation if he is not willing to listen that his actions are out of line. His actions are becoming "you hate my kid, you have the problem". There is more, you mentioned. Are they alll stemming from he acts differently?
Because I have brought that up a few times to husband and made him realize (through repetition) that HE is the issue, its not his kid or that I hate his kid.
Thirdly, have better boundaries around your sacred space and bedroom.
Fourth, look up mini-wife. I dont know how long youve been with this guy, or how long he was without the biomother and just with kiddos, but look up mini wife here and on the internet - see if their actions fit with the descriptions. Welcome to the site!
Welcome to Steptalk.
Welcome to Steptalk.
Close your adult bedroom.
Well I will add I also have a
Well I will add I also have a 10 year old and a four year old from previous relationship. My husband and I just had our only children we have together in April we had twins which are 4 months old they share a room with us right now so we are in there a lot with them. I can't just completely have my door shut 24/7. My question is am I overreacting? Or would you have a problem with it too? I hate that husbands response when I bring it up he almost tries to make me believe I'm overreacting and it's normal. Maybe it is old but it's not normal for me .