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Stepmom with 8 year old lives with us

Hime's picture

Submitted by Hime on Tue, 07/27/2021 - 9:53am

Forums: 
Stepparent Rights

Hi so I am21 and my boyfriend and I live together. His bm will drop his son off without letting anyone know ahead of time. He has been over for 2 months now everyday. When his son comes over that means he takes the tv so I barely have time to relax when I get off work. Every time I ask for the tv his dad says" my son is using it" I have been taking care of him and everytime I cook him or pack his lunch he says it’s nasty and refuses to eat what I make specifically for him. I spent so much money on him so far. So his birthday is coming up and his dad keeps asking me what I’m getting him for his birthday. Almost everyday for the past month.  Mind you we split the bills completely in the middle. He keeps asking me as soon as he sees me when is the light bill and electric bill getting paid. Because his mom claims that I Have to pay it. She lives right right next to me actually. And ontop of that I been spending my money on his son ever since he was here he’s been here for two months. He has been screaming out of nowhere lately everytime I have a client come over he’s so loud and throws stuff around with his toys. His dad doesn't ever say anything. His son always talks back to me kicks me grabs me for no reason. His Dad didn’t get me anything for my birthday which was in April and nothing for my anniversary because he couldn’t afford anything. So why does he keep asking me to buy his son some shoes and cloths and cake for his birthday when he couldn't do the same for me. Can someone please give me advice

JRI's picture

Submitted by JRI on Tue, 07/27/2021 - 10:20am

My advice is to break up.  There is so much going wrong.  You are being used by a man who isnt a good father nor a good boyfriend.  Let him live someplace else, get somebody to watch his child on demand, pay the bills and whine at.  Why he keeps asking you about the birthday gift is the least of it.

He's not a good dad to the child, either.

My advice is to get them both out of your house, nurture your business and ask yourself why you put up with it all.  You might even consider therapy to figure out the why.  Good luck.  You're only 21, you don't need this chaos in your young life.  Have fun and find a more stable guy.

Kes's picture

Submitted by Kes on Tue, 07/27/2021 - 10:21am

Unless you like being an unpaid maid who is ordered around, financially exploited and not given any consideration, I'd ditch this fellow. 

Hime's picture

Submitted by Hime on Tue, 07/27/2021 - 10:45am

This is not my house this is his house. I just don't know I'm not good at break ups. He keeps saying we're supposed to be a team and work together and I don't know. 

JRI's picture

Submitted by JRI on Tue, 07/27/2021 - 10:48am

Do your parents live nearby?  Can you stay with them for awhile?

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Tue, 07/27/2021 - 11:17am

You are being USED. Of course, he wants to convince you that you are a team, but the fact is, only HE is responsible for his kid. Financially and otherwise.

How old is this BF of yours? I think he is taking advantage of you.

 

justmakingthebest's picture

Submitted by justmakingthebest on Tue, 07/27/2021 - 12:55pm

You are supposed to be a team in replationships- however you are stuck with all the burden and he is just a pain in the butt. That isn't a team. You have too much in your life to look forward to! Run!!

Loxy's picture

Submitted by Loxy on Tue, 08/31/2021 - 4:30pm

That's called manipulation. He says you are a team but acts the opposite. Being a step-parent is the hardest job in the world, especially when you are so young. There is only one thing that can make it successful and worthwhile and you don't have it - unity with your partner where he respects you, has your back and you parent as a team ie aligned on discipline. 

Without this, your situation will continue to get worse and you will waste your youth on an unhappy situation which I promise you that you will regret doing. 

Please get out of this relationship now. You have a job so I'm sure you could find accommodation elsewhere and hopefully you have some friends or family you could stay with temporarily?

JRI's picture

Submitted by JRI on Tue, 07/27/2021 - 12:14pm

I see you are in Ohio, I'm hoping any Ohio residents will write in and list any state programs that could help you.  In the meantime, can you try to save up some money, hide it so he doesn't know about it.  Try to make an exit plan.  Get your personal documents (birth certificate, as card, etc) all together in one place where you could get them quickly.  Search on this site for "exit plan".  Its not easy or fun but you can do it.  Good luck.

AgedOut's picture

Submitted by AgedOut on Tue, 07/27/2021 - 11:46am

Get. Out. This is a pattern that will beat you down over time, don't let it. People who love you do not treat you this way. 

Harry's picture

Submitted by Harry on Tue, 07/27/2021 - 1:06pm

Why are you splitting money for Bills 50/50. There are two of them.  Should be 33/66  66 % is his responsibility. 
Bigger question is  Do you really want to live this way ?  If you are on this forum. You already know you don't want to 

fakemommy's picture

Submitted by fakemommy on Tue, 07/27/2021 - 1:23pm

Move out, find a roommate. You'll still split the bills but will have more money because you won't be spending it on his kid. You are way too young to have to deal with this.

DHsfamilyfromhell's picture

Submitted by DHsfamilyfromhell on Wed, 07/28/2021 - 1:20am

I agree with the others. 

However, if there’s only one tv and more than one person living in a place - get a small tv for yourself to put in the kitchen or bedroom and if he has a problem with it or let’s the kid use that one too - You have your answer and know to run. 

Shoes etc are not your responsibility, 

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Wed, 07/28/2021 - 10:27am

You know exactly what to do, so grow some testicular fortitude and kick them out.  Or better yet, move the hell away from this abject failure of a non man, father, and mate and his intrusive spawn and lippy mommy.

smh