Party drama and To sell or not to sell?

So the sweet 16 for SDs passed with its share of drama.

Soo party drama: BM showed up after all even though she said her religion states that they don't celebrate birthdays (I believe she is a Jehovah's witness but i am not sure). But she did leaver after an hour and a half because she had a "discussion" with my sister. My sister is not a professional photographer but she does have a pretty good camera and can edit to an extent but again nothing professional. She took her camera and was just taking candid shots so i wouldn't have to be with my phone in my hand while i arranged the whole evening basically. Well, BM went up to my sister and told her that she would be "starting her session with the girls". My sister said she was not a pro photographer and was about to sit down as dinner was being served. BM got all mad because she "needed" her session with her daughters and that the staff could not sit with the guests. Mind you BM has known my sister for YEARS. My sister had a table reserved along with my brother and their respective families. So me being me i went in and told BM to speak with me in the changing rooms. I asked her what she was doing and she said that as the mother of the birthday girls she needed a whole photography session with girls. I reminded her that i did not get a photographer for the event as the girls had their formal pictures taken months ago (And they looked STUNNING!) And that if she wanted a family session she could find, book, and pay for her own photographer. Well she stomped off, ate her dinner and left. She even left her kids behind with their respective set of grandparents. (She has multiple baby daddies).

Now, since the whole party is done, my house needs a lot of TLC. Im keeping just a few things from the party. But a lot of food got donated along with candy, pastries, and stuff that was sealed. One of the twins decided to stay an extra week and we came to conclusion to sell their dresses. That is to help get some of the money back that was spent and pay off loans that were taken out to pay for this party. Since they would never wear these dresses again it seems like a logical decision. But i was just informed that BM wanted to keep the dresses in storage for her grandkids to use (im assuming SDs future kids?). How do i go about informing her that dresses are going to be sold? I dont have to start another argument, but i don't think she even gets to make that decision.

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Well she didn’t buy the dresses so she doesn’t make the

Decisions. If she wants the dresses for her grandkids, she can pay for it.

Also, i would never get a loan and go into debt for some over the top birthday party. Its just a waste of money

Ridiculous

It's insane of BM to want these dresses for grandkids who don't exist. It's at least 17 years before they could conceivably be used and that's if she has granddaughters. And, you know, if she did, they"d want something new, not dresses that had bern stored for all that time. Insane. You bought them, go ahead and sell them. Ignore any message that comes thru the kids and if she has the nerve to ask in person, say you decided to sell them. Period, no discussion.

I think this is tough because

I think this is tough because the dresses are for the girls and from how I read your post the original plan did not include them being sold afterwards to pay towards the party costs. I am not sure if there was any plan for the girls to contribute financially towards the party and this is part of their portion? Or if they are just tring to be nice and practically minded?

I think I would leave it up to the twins to each decide what they want to do with their dress, and if they sell them what they want to do with the money.

If however you are in real financial need of putting the money towards the loans then you need to get the money from the dresses.

If the girls are torn between their mother's wishes and wanting to contriubte financially you/they could request that their mother buy the dresses from you. At least that way it is not you saying no to giving her the dresses it is just saying that she is welcome to buy them and store them for all her imaginary granddaughters if she wants to.

It was actually their idea

It was actually their idea about selling. One of them walked in to "pay period meeting" which is when we look at bills and all that stuff. And we are very honest with them about paying bills because for while they were under the impression their dad didnt pay support. DH and I were planning on them getting part of the money of the dresses anyway.

Sounds to me like the twins

Sounds to me like the twins were part of the decision to sell the dresses? If so, then do it. BM gets no claim to something you bought, especially not so she can put it in a closet for mythical granddaughters that may never exist. Not sure why her wanting them would even make you hesitate to sell them.

Agree

Not only that but:

"her religion states that they don't celebrate birthdays"

So what the heck is she going to do with them then? She didn't pay for them, she doesn't celebrate, she has no claim on them whatsoever unless, of course, she's willing to fork out the price that you set for them (and no giving her a special deal, please! She pays the price you would have been asking for them had she not wanted to buy them). And you want the money up front.

And what a cool idea - a Halloween sweet sixteen!!

My phone is usually on mute

My phone is usually on mute during phone conversations cause i do laugh. After so many years you just learn to deal with her.