SD and Gymnastics
My husband took SD to gymnastics this weekend. She does a rec class once per week that is an hour long. After the class the teacher approached my H and said that SD is ready to move up a level to either pre-team or pre-excel. She didn't give a lot of information because the owner of the studio wasn't in, and she plans to talk to him tonight at our DDs gymnastics class and give more information, including price. I've heard other parents get the talk about moving their child up a level, and the price is almost $300 per month, which is very pricey.
SD is not very good at gymnastics. I'm honestly shocked that she was "invited" to this, but it's made me wonder if they just invite kids to these higher level classes when spaces open up because it brings more money in. The cost is almost $200 more per month than the current rec class. I'm just writing because I know this is going to cause a major issue. SD wants to do this new class, even though she has said that it will be "too hard". She really doesn't work hard at anything. I assume BM will want SD to do it, unless she just doesn't want to put the time commitment into it. I think it's 4 hours per week instead of just 1 right now. I'm not sure what her expectation will be for H to contribute financially. There is nothing in their CO about splitting EC activities. I just see this going the way of BM telling SD she can't do it because H won't pay for it. I guess I wouldn't be opposed to him paying something towards it but I really don't feel like SD is at that level and idk if she ever will be. She doesn't put much effort into anything, she gives up very easily. And I don't want money to be wasted just because SD thinks she wants to do this thing, even though she really never talks about gymnastics, gets excited about it, practices outside of being at the rec class, etc.
- Ursula's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
There are a couple of issues
There are a couple of issues here.
I agree that many of these places will encourage upselling to more intensive levels because.. yeah.. it's a business making money right? everyone stays at the 100 dollar level.. it isn't too profitable. Like the allstar cheer was for my YSD where they went to pricey competitions where they were only the one or two teams in their division. and they were "grand champions" of the division.. or yay.. we came in 2nd.. out of two teams... smdh.. but the gym owners are all rah rah.. because it was their living off these teams.
I can see SD wanting to do it because she feels she is being told she is special.. and it's a privilege to move up in her eyes.
I can see BM wanting SD to do it so she has a parent brag.. and lots of parents make their whole personality be about their kids and their activities.
I can see your skepticism.. and it is probably well placed. I think your DH needs to get a better idea of exactly what it will mean to move up. Not just the weekly cost and additional classes.. but will there be competitions? travel cost? uniform costs? Extra practice sessions at additional money?
If he wants to support her involvement, he does need to decide how much he is prepared to contribute financially and how much he is willing to physically be involved taking her to practice... limiting his weekends with her if she has a meet etc...
Then, once he has all the right info and has made his own decision, he can tell BM that he would be able to split the weekly fee by X.. and get her to her regular practices on his time... but otherwise it will all be on BM if she wants her to do it? (or whatever he thinks is fairest for him to offer).
I don't think there are
I don't think there are competitions at this level, but H definitely needs to confirm this. He is willing to contribute some to it, but definitely not the whole thing. He is just concerned about SDs level of commitment to the whole thing. I think she likely just sees it as a brag she can tell people about.
I guess he can also find out
I guess he can also find out what he has to commit to up front (or SD has to).. does she have to pay for a whole season/semester of classes.. is there any refund for unused classes if she decides she doesn't like the 4 hours a week. Would they allow her to just transition back to her REC class if she didn't like the more intense level?
I think mom and dad should split costs and obligations... the split will depend on their joint circumstances of course. If she can change her mind and decide to just do the lesser class.. I would let her try it. if there is not a huge penalty.
Let it happen organically
I do get your point but sometimes its best to let these things happen organically unless it will cause a real financial hardship.
What will likely happen is SD will move up to this level and not do the work required to do well there. She will likely get bored or frustrated with it and drop out on her own. Then its her choice vs. DH being a cheapskate.
Just my two cents worth.
This. But BM will get tired
This. But BM will get tired of taking her and just stop showing up, since DH paid for it she didn't have to worry about getting her money's worth. DH won't pay next time.
I think H will have a talk
I think H will have a talk with SD tonight after he gets the additional information. He doesn't have an issue with SD doing it if she will work hard at it, but she doesn't work hard at anything so he is skeptical. He would be willing to pay also (not for all of it, but a portion of it). It would be interesting to see what BM expects from the whole thing once she finds out about it.
I hope the parent have a
I hope the parent have a 'must do' rule. If you join, you must do the season/session/year. You will not quit, you will not play sick to avoid it, you will not cry and moan 24/7.
BM often doesn't take SD to
BM often doesn't take SD to gymnastics on her weekend as a punishment, however all missed classes are eligible for "make up sessions" so it's not really all that great of a punishment if you know you get to go later. I'm not sure what the makeup policy would be for a higher level class either.
I think your DH can sit SD
I think your DH can sit SD down and talk to her first. He needs to be realistic with her: if she just wants to have fun, she can stay in rec, but if she wants to move up, she has to up her effort. It will be 4 hours a week, she will go all 4 hours every week plus do additional work as assigned by the team at home, go to any competitions, etc. SD may hear about the work piece and tell DH she isn't interested. I also think DH can tell her (gently) that he doesn't see her committing to that, but it's okay to do something for fun without having to be competitive. He can also tell her that if she really wants to join the next level that he'll only support it after she does more to show she will keep with it or will only support it so long as SD makes the effort. As soon as she stops, he stops.
After he has that talk with SD, he just needs to draft an email with everything discussed. He doesn't need to send it to BM until/unless she mentions it. BM will scream and cry and moan no matter what he does, so he might as well do the right thing (which is address it with SD) first.
I think he can also be very upfront with the gymnastics studio about what his hesitations and expectations are. If they are desperate for his money, they might offer some sort of middle ground/trial period. If they aren't, then they'll bother the next parent.
Your DH will be the bad guy in this no matter what, so he might as well do what he thinks is right even if it doesn't change the results. At the very least, it's good practice for when it will be effective with your DD.
Thank you. I agree he will
Thank you. I agree he will be the bad guy no matter what. I think that's what makes me worry about the whole thing.
Last night SD was complaining about how sore her body was after 1 hour of gymnastics on Saturday. I said, you know it's going to be a lot more sore when you start doing more gymnastics. And she kind of groaned and was like I can't do that! and just talked about how hard it is and how much harder it's going to be.
H is in a bit of a touch spot because SD already feels like she isn't good at anything, so if he tells her he doesn't think she's ready for a higher level gymnastics class it's going to hurt SDs feeling and give her something to run to BM about and BM can make H out to be a horrible father as usual.
There is nothing wrong with
There is nothing wrong with telling a kid NO, I can NOT afford it. There's nothing wrong with tell SD that let's see how you feel at the end of the sessions. Just because you get invited to spend more money, doesn't mean you have to. BM can go F herself unless she wants to make it happen.
Im not a fan of kid centric lifestyles. Divorces with kids seems to bring that out and it causes a LOT problems.
The money piece is a great
The money piece is a great point. As would be the time piece.
OP, haven't you had to be responsible for some transport in the past due to your DH's schedule? Can he really commit to getting SD to practice 4 hours a week, however that breaks down? And what will he have to give up at home to make this happen - and what is his plan on still contributing to the house as he did before while participating with SD? Will he be able/willing to put in the same effort with DD when she is at the age and skill level to do this (or some other sport/activity)?
That conversation with you, and with himself, has to be #1. From there, then it's talk to SD and finally BM. Like I said in my other post, he's going to be the bad guy no matter what. Knowing that, he shouldn't bend himself into more pretzels than is needed.
I think the 4 hours breaks
I think the 4 hours breaks down to 2 sessions per week at 2 hours each. One is on a night that SD is always at BMs house, the other is on the weekend so that would rotate bw BM or DH taking her. So the time commitment wouldn't be much of a change from what it is now for H.
At this point, I only help with school transportation for SD or will help with SD transportation if H has something to do with our DD.
He could afford half or close
He could afford half or close to now, he is in a better place financially than he has been in a while. Our biggest hesitation is if this is really the right thing for SD, or if it's going to be a waste of money.
How do the four hours break
How do the four hours break down? One hour, four nights a week? Add to that the travelling to and from the place, the time preparing her gear, getting ready etc., will she still manage to get her homework done?
Even if he decides to let her do this, I would get him to negotiate a trial month to see if she's up to it so that you don't get saddled paying for a year if she gives up after a couple of weeks.
Good point. I'm not sure if
Good point. I'm not sure if there is a certain length of commitment with these classes. The rec classes are month to month, but I wonder if you sign up for the other classes are you expected to participate for an entire year?
I think the classes are 2 hours each, two times per week. One of the nights SD is always with BM. There is a weekend session that would alternate between BM and H's time with SD.
And, SD already struggles with school work. It's just another thing she doesn't really push herself with. She likes the easy way out, with everything.
Gymnastics is a big thing.
Gymnastics is a big thing. Starting means it'll only get more expensive for as long as she remains in it. Honestly, I doubt they invited her to a level (not sure about pre-team) unless she has some talent. Team isn't really where the money is. It is expensive, but that's because it requires certified coaches, a lower child:coach ratio, and a lot more time. Class requires just a highschooler who is basically paid minium wage or works to cover their team costs. How old is SD? What skills does she have? A solid handstand and a real cartwheel at age 5 is talent. Is she particularly strong or flexible? Those contribute to why coaches would recommend her for team.
My daughter competes and has since she was 5. When she was 8, she was on level 5 and practiced 4 hours 4 days a week. Tuition was around $360 I think, meet fees were 900ish a year, leos are $300-$400 per year and they usually keep them for 2 years. Then other things like warm-ups and book bags that are required are a couple of hundred, and then there is travel for meets (sometimes out of state), spectator costs, souvenirs from meets, gyms handle treats at meets different ways, some parents take turns providing, some gyms have a flat fee and provide them. Then there are always practice leos, leos with the gym name that are optional but everyone has them so not really... etc. There are usually 6-8 meets per year and there are no breaks. It is a year-long sport.
If SD moves up, you should address how all of these expenses will be covered if she stays in long-term. If competing long-term is a no-go; I'd ask about adding a tumbling class or a second rec class if she needs a challege. I would also offer other extra curriculars now, because if she moves forward there isn't time for that kind of thing pretty quickly and she may prefer a cheaper sport.
SD is a month away from being
SD is a month away from being 9. She can do a cartwheel well and do a split. I've seen her do a cartwheel dismount from a balance beam but it wasn't great. She cannot do a backbend, she cannot hold herself up on the uneven bars.
You bring up good points. I think this is time for H and BM to talk about what SD can do going forward. What you just listed, I don't feel they can afford long term. BM has a relatively low paying job but gets a large amount of CS for her older child, however that is only going to last 4 more years. She will likely be SOL once that is up.