I feel your pain. My skids situation is slightly different to yours but my heart sinks too. I detest being ignored and treated like an outsider when skids are around. I also feel saddened that SO allies himself to them when he and I get along great otherwise.  As SD's older than your own children, does it help for you focus on them when SD is around? Disengagement from my skids has made things more bearable (plus this site is a total lifesaver!). It's still hard work and no way is it a magic wand but gives you the chance to hold on to the things that really matter: your sanity, your kids and some kind of relationship with your other half. Take care x

The absolute dread of the SD's coming back...it's a terrible place to be in.  Here are a couple of things that helped me a little.  1. SD is not your problem she's your DH's...you can ignore her bad attitude it's his problem not yours.  Let him deal with her and just don't (if you can).  With my past situation he would eventually get so frustrated with his kids he would actaully half ass parent for a minute. Easier said than done I know, especially when there are younger kids in the house witnessing everything.

2. It's your home so don't forget you are allowed to take up space there and you're allowed to be happy and content...I always felt like my DD and I had to make ourselves smaller when my skids were around.  You are the queen she's just living in your castle, lol. It's a small shift but it helped me feel better!

3. She's probably dealing with some deep emotional pain.  Maybe because her BM has decided she's not living with her she's feeling abandoned.  Like our therapist used to say...hurt people, hurt people...try not to take it personally and inside muster up all of the empathy you can for her even when she's behaving badly.

I feel for you...this is a terrible space to be in. Try to enjoy your home and kids despite it though!

I think a lot of people who have ungrateful, snotty, entitled Skids feel that exact same way. We weren't even supposed to have my SD this weekend, and BM tossed her on us last minute. She was absolutely terrible and she even went as far as trying to get my in trouble with my DBF. I had made plans for this weekend, because we didn't have our children and I had refused to cancel them. So I left at 11:45 that morning and my SD12 was still sleeping... I go to lunch and get a text from my DBF saying that, "SD told me that you weren't there for her when she woke up this morning, that you were already gone since 9:00 a.m." I said no, I left at 11:45 and you knew I was meeting with friends for lunch today, so I had lunch and came back home.. and he knew the crap she was trying to pull.... Later on, it was just me and her, and every where I went, she would leave. She went and even sat in the dog room for a couple of hours and I went in to ask her what she was up to and she was like, "NOTHING, I AM WAITING FOR DAD!." When DBF wasn't going to be home until after 7 and she knew it... I don't know how much more that I can take of her and wish she would just go live at her mom's full time and we only would have her for one or two days a week instead of 5 days one week, 2-3 days the next... but that's just not how it works.

I think a lot of us on here can understand the dread you feel when your Skids come back...

I feel bad for Sd that her bio mother doesnt want her around. Maybe because she is such a PITa.

This is not my favorite age. 

If your Dh doesnt have your back, youll need to stand up for yourself, and discourse with her, and give the repercussions. Otherwise disengage completely.

So BM just decided she didnt want her fulltime and that was that? What about the custody arrangement? CS payments etc? Im sorry but if and when BM tried to do that there is no way I would be ok with it. I would never forgive DH for allowing it. If you didnt have children with DH woudl ou stay or would you leave him?