I "knew" I was bi when I was 12. Looking back, I would have "known" earlier if I had been exposed to other sexualities. I just knew girls had crushes on boys and vice versa. So I just assumed my "liking" of girls was just part of having friendships with girls (nope lol).

Basically, I don't think 9 is too young for a kid to start questioning what/who they like and why. Kids know who they find attractive or prettier than others, even if it doesn't elicit sexual feelings. SD finding people or certain aesthetics attractive isn't odd. SD having a "relationship" isn't odd.

What's odd is the secrecy and using school computers to search for "hot people". Could it be she is acting older to seem cool? Possibly - I remember kids running around at recess cussing up a storm because they were out of earshot from adults, or "kissing" and cuddling in reading nooks when there was only supposed to be one person (or it was "boys day" so only boys were supposed to use the nook that day). Kids mimic what they see or what they think they know, and part of them growing is sometimes acting beyond what is age appropriate. Being a parent or adult with authority is seeing that and correcting that behavior, with an explanation of why it's wrong. There is a TikToker who explains it well - little kids need names/definitions, older kids need to know mechanics, and preteens/teens need to understand the emotional/relational piece of the mechanics.

The school is wrong for addressing her sexuality in this. She'll figure that out at some point, and no one needs to tell her that she's right or wrong for exploring it. BUT, she needs to explore that internally and with herself. Having a secret relationship, no matter the gender, is inappropriate at 9. Looking up "hot people" is inappropriate at 9. The conversation needs to be focused on how she isn't old enough or mature enough to explore those things yet in others.

She also needs to be listened to about why she was seeking those things out. Is she maybe about to start puberty and is starting to have a surge in hormones? Was she acting out of age because she was trying to be cool? Does she think "hot anime characters" are funny and she doesn't understand why people think they're hot? Is someone grooming her?

The issues are her actions, not her sexuality (whatever that shakes out to be). Chalking it up to just "kids think it's cool to be bisexual" not only minimizes how kids feel, it shuts down any dialogue that could and should take place around why this is happening. Sure, it COULD be because SD thinks bisexuality is cool and a fad, but then she needs to be told about how her actions can be hurtful and it's inappropriate to wear someone's identity because she thinks it's cool (no matter what that identity is - it would be similarly inappropriate to pretend to have an accent, or to be a different race, or to have an illness that garners sympathy). You don't just stop at "kids will be kids" in a situation like this. 

DD32 says she's bi, and says she knew at a young age.  I think she experimented in HS, but she's never actually dated a woman.  With all the problems she's had with men, you would think dating a woman would be simpler for her.  Whatever.

She gave DGD10 permission to be whatever, which is fine, but I do think a number of kids today are claiming they are just to be edgy.  And GD is definitely edgy.  So now GD claims she is, but we will see, she gets no reaction from me.  She says she has a "crush" on her best friend, which makes sleepovers weirder, imo, but whatever.  Time will tell.  I really hope this has nothing to do with any trauma she may have endured.

I experimented in college, but I'm just not sexually attracted to women.  I thought I might be, but I'm just not.  Which makes it super weird when my bi friend keeps dropping hints.  I'm firmly into monogamy, so it irritates me.  My point being, that just because you find someone aestheticly attractive doesn't mean you want to sleep with them.

I don't think kids should be shamed for having these feelings naturally at a young age, but now I feel like they are being told it's time to decide, way too young.  Let things be what they are, organically.  It's important to be genuine though, in all things.

I don't think that she is too young to know that she feels attraction, but I do think that it is a fad right now. 

DD14 has told me over and over than almost every girl in schools says that they are bi and they use it to get boys attention. They will kiss a girl (quick peck) for attention. She finds it irritating and desperate. 

I am very supportive of people's sexual preference, to each their own. Love who you love! But I do think that there is a ridiculous trend of being "different" right now, but because everyone does it, it is almost like the "being different" thing right now would be just being straight. Who knows... Thank GOD I am not in high school! LOL

Who's to say what's too young? I knew I liked boys probably in the first grade so if I liked girls, why would that be too young?

Somehow everyone accepts when pretty young kids show interest in opposite gender. But if it's the same gender, then somehow it's too young. why?
 

My DD knew pretty early on. She dated boys and girls and had lesbian relationships including 4 years cohabitating long term one.

She is in her 30s and is married to a man now. I never thought it was too early for her to know who she likes. she likes both genders equally. It's interesting that her DH wasn't surprised or shocked when she told him as his dad was bisexual and after his wife died, he was in many years long term relationship with a man, who remained close friends with my son in law after his dad died. 

 I think all this shock of someone liking same gender is so outdated. for some people it could be an experiment or a cry for attention and for some who they are. Who cares? Why even question it. 

I think both of these things are true: "She told my husband that a lot of elementary aged kids say they are gay and bi, that it's the "cool" thing to be.  I get that, but I also think people can know they're gay at a young age"

I think there are way too many followers in this world and I can see children/teenagers saying or doing something becuase it is the "In" thing. I also think people are who they are becuase of DNA and chromosones. My big thing though  is how about we treat Bi/Gay kids the same as regualar kids. Meaning 9 is too young period for having secret relationships, dating, acting on their urges etc.