My god, she just keeps lowering the parenting bar...!
I'm having an emotional day pregnancy-wise, so this is bothering me WAY more than it should. So I just want to get it out there.
YSK lives with DH and I full-time. ET is supposed to have YSK every other weekend plus half of breaks. So far this summer she took precisely zero weeks and is playing catch-up on weekends. No big deal, YSK prefers to spend as little time with her as possible.
Well, it's exchange night so ET is supposed to be bringing YSK back to our place. As a reminder, ET moved about an hour away to live in her mother's house (that he mother doesn't live in) either rent-free or at some ridiculously low price. DH drops YSK off on Fridays because ET works (yes, miracles DO hapoen). And I'll give ET a small amount of credit because she is working two jobs. DH is also still paying $100/week in CS and has decided to keep doing so until YSK graduates because the cost of going to court may not actually cost less than what he'd pay in CS between now and then. I don't like it, but I'm tired of fighting it and it has been affordable.
So, someone explain to me how a woman living in subsidized housing, working two jobs, and getting $100/week in CS when she only sees one of her kids EOWE and pays NOTHING (and I do mean nothing other than to feed them and drive them to our place) CANNOT afford a working vehicle?!
Yes folks, the saga of the broken trucks continues! This time she's afraid to drive in the rain because she lacks power steering and good tires. So the ONE GD THING she has to do EOWE she can't even do because her vehicle isn't safe enough to do it.
Literally, the only things she has left to not provide is food, utilities, and a roof over YSK's head for 96 hours a month.
Oh, did I mention that ET Sr. Is looking for a house down in ET-ville that will be big enough for her, ET, and the kids when they visit? How the eff they are going to afford that is beyond me (and YSK's eyes nearly popped out of their head when they heard that news because living with both of them, even EOWE, is their personal hell on earth).
Deep, cleansing breaths. At least she took finding out about my pregnancy pretty smoothly, at least publicly. She told DH congrats and hasn't said a word to me. She also apparently only brought it up briefly to YSK asking why they didn't tell her, and they deflected. So at least that's one thing I didn't have to deal with.
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Since when has power steering
Since when has power steering been necessary for driving in the rain?
That's a lovely question! I'm
That's a lovely question! I'm sure her carpal tunnel prevents her from keeping the truck on the road or something equally as stupid.
The tires may be a legit issue, though. I don't want YSK risked for the sake of sticking it to ET. It sucks for DH, but it's the consequence of procreating with her.
I agree about the tyres.
I agree about the tyres. However, maybe someone should suggest <sarcasm> she get a vehicle more suited to her limited capacities </sarcasm> ...
When bio parents like ET and
When bio parents like ET and BM one up themselves on ways you think they couldn't get any worse list.. it's always frustrating. Even when it's minor.
BM is up to 5 hours for the year with SD. She cancelled twice on her because her and her husband were camping and decided to stay longer..they have a RV..for basically a month.. must be nice.
She works remotely (not sure what she's doing) and I finally asked SD what BMs husband is doing for work.. he is playing security at a school so he has summers off. He retired from a state job after 20 years. So that made sense.
It just makes me want to bang
It just makes me want to bang my head against a wall. I'm sure in ET's mind she thinks "oh, now DH can see how it feels to do it all alone like I did" forgetting that she had tons of help INCLUDING from DH! Her choosing to keep DH out of things was her own doing, not a choice DH made. The only choice he made was to stop playing games with her on certain things.
The kids don't like spending time with her, at all. YSK doesn't interact with her on their weekends with her, and OSS is very short in his interactions with her. They love her, she's their mom. But liking is a wholly different thing (and I'm not certain she likes who they are becoming, either).
They validate their actions
They validate their actions in their own heads and (I really think at least in my case) have no idea what reality really is..
BM and her husband frequent a local gross dive bar in town that's literally 2.5 miles from our house and 2.5 from her house..saw her car their yesterday.. BUT goes months without seeing her kids, planning anything with the 3 of them for years now etc. You know the deal..
AND... they are ok with themselves about it because it's not their faults..
How does she manage
To get to work for her two jobs if that is the case? Or does she not want to use her gas for this since gas is so expensive (going down slowly here at least, but still expensive) so is using the excuse of her truck not being safe to avoid using any of her money and gas for exchanges, every other week?
It wouldn't shock me if this
It wouldn't shock me if this were the case, but then my response is "you get $100 a week in CS, set aside $40 a month for exchanges".
She wasn't going to bring YSK back, and YSK staying there wasn't an option. So DH was up a creek. Counting down the final 2 years until DH can wash his hands of her.
Oh she will never admit that is the
Reasoning because then it would mean less money in her pocket for herself.
Understandably so it sounds like the best option is to just let it all go in regards to child support, but if this continues I would be tempted for your DH to say he is deducting the money he spends on gas for what he sends her for child support since he is doing 100% of the transportation. If you don't want any drama though definitely don't do that. I'd just be curious if she changed her toon after hearing that.
Reminds me....
Your BM reminds me of our late BM. She didn't work and lived on CS, welfare and what she could get from her BF while the 3 kids lived with her. She called DH for every problem. Boo hoo car trouble so he bought her a car but she wasnt happy because it was a Mom-type station wagon, not glamorous.
The kids were at our house literally every minute they weren't in school and DH paid for everything, over and above CS. The kids started to move in, one at a time, over a 9- month period. She still didn't work but didnt once take the kids for a weerkend. She spoke with them by phone occasionally then afterwards called DH to critique our parenting.
The good ole days. RIP, BM.
Don't get me started on the
Don't get me started on the whole "buying a new car" thing. Before I was in the picture, DH and FIL offered to buy ET a new-to-her car when her truck broke down (same truck as today; that thing has 1000 lives and keeps being resurrected). ET's response? Scream at DH and tell him she didn't want a car from him, she just wanted him to fix her truck!
FIL bought her the other truck she has that doesn't work. She was supposed to pay him back. I think she made 3 payments before she had to stop because she couldn't afford it. It's now a paper weight in her driveway because she let the most recent (I think) XBF use it and he broke something on it so it no longer runs.
And while ET doesn't critique DH's parenting (God help her if she tried), she does like to forward emails from the school that DH already gets. Mind you, these aren't the back-to-school emails that are actually necessary. No, these are the "hey, here's a fun and expensive experience for your kid!" emails. She has taken zero interest in their therapy, or dental care, or health care in the last two years, to the point that when the insurance company asks if the kids have other insurance I have to answer "I have no clue, she doesn't tell us".
The medical and dental issues
BM did not appear to be strong on medical and dental care. Altho braces were on SD"s teeth, BM often failed to take SD for the follow-up visits. I never quite understood why since she was unemployed and had a car. But then there were lots of things I didnt understand.
Is it possible for your DH to
Is it possible for your DH to do "receiving parent transports?" Sounds like YSK wouldn't care if ET didn't pick him up for her weekend.
It's not a bad idea to make
It's not a bad idea to make ET pick up YSK on Fridays, then DH get them on Sunday. The reality would end up being that YSK would never see her because of her work schedule.
Her not beinf reliable for pick up and drop off isn't anything new, just far more frustrating due to how far away she lives.