LIES LIES LIES
All SD13 knows how to do is lie. She lies about anything and everything. BM takes her to counseling since she came out as not straight (but yet also not gay) and now she's on a high dose of Zoloft as well as a mood stabilizer. It hasn't changed anything for the kid and she tells us the issues are only at BMs because her and her mom argue when she gets in trouble because of everyone that lives at BMs house (a stepsister, five other brothers and sisters, BM and stepdad). She hasn't had a phone since March of 2022 because she was lying and getting in trouble at school and causing issues in general. I noticed this past week she was wearing a toboggan or a cap everywhere...inside the house watching TV, eating dinner. She never wears anything on her head. I asked DH if she has cut her hair and is trying to hide it. He said no. This past Friday night we went to dinner and she didn't wear a cap or a toboggan and she has cut her hair and it is awful. She really hacked the front of it up and then lied about it. Her hair was all one length. She is asked constantly if she wants or needs as haircut and she never does. I mean it is awful. I asked her why she cut it and she said she didn't. Finally she admitted she did and didn't know why she did. I asked her if she wanted it fixed and she said yes. I tried to help her fix it so it wasn't so noticable. I fixed it and when she left for BMs for Christmas Day I went in her room to get all the garbage out from our Christmas and there was more hair she cut in her garabge can and it was a lot. What in the heck do I even do? I'm so tired of being lied to. She also lied about dropping all kinds of cereal and hiding it in the couch because our small dog got some and had some stomach issues Saturday. I found the hidden food in a bowl in a sweatshirt she was hiding in her room. She's at BMs for the next few days but I have no idea what to say to her and DH says he has no idea either. Him and BM do not communicate so that's a loss but I cannot keep dealing with this kid lying to me, sneaking food that she's allowed to have and doing stupid crap constantly. I get she's a teenager. I know they make goofy decisions sometimes but this is getting ridiculous.
She sounds sick
I'm glad she's in counseling, that haircutting is disturbing.
Counseling
I think she's lying to the counselor too. And BM goes to the counselor after the appointments and tells the counselor that SD13 is moody all the time. First, she's 13 and second she wants attention. I think the kid is so drugged up she's basically a zombie and it's all based on what BM is saying. DH is going to the doctor this coming Wednesday for the appointment. BM is trying to "un-gay" her and tells DH they just need to pray that she sees the way and they raise her as God needs. She said that in a text to DH. DH didn't respond.
I'm glad DH is going
He needs to know what's going on. Good for him.
BM is trying to "un-gay" her
If BM selected the counselor based on this criteria, SD needs a new counselor. There is no way to un-gay someone.
I'd be moody too if I were 'not straight and not gay' and living with someone who could not accept me. The confusion, the lying, the haircut combined are, to me, a huge red flag screaming help me.
Do some research on her meds.
Do some research on her meds. All antidepressants have a black box for teens. That means it could make them suicidal. Seems like a lot of medicine during puberty but then again if her mother is not recognizing her for who she is... no wonder she is acting out.
Truly, sounds like some mental illness.
Going on.
You must understand that SD is sick
You must understand that there will not be a day where a switch is throwen and all will be normal. There a long life with SD being like this. They should be working on getting her on the right meds not working on un gaying her. This is a long road so lying is not a big deal.
Everyone knows about the lying. I am shure the school has her number. They go through this every day. You just must hope the Doctors can do something
Agree
I 100% agree with you. I am somewhat disengaged. I tried so hard to help or do what I thought was best but DH allowed BM to make all of the decisions. I did recommend to DH that he search for a second opinion or at the least go to her appointments as BM goes into the appointment after SD.
If she doesn't get therapy
If she doesn't get therapy, your skid won't magically get better. I have three SD's who lied, manipulated and did stupid crap. They still do, because daddee refused to demand therapy for them. BM took them to her hack therapist once every 6 months, just to get some meds prescribed for ailments they didn't have - so she could snort their ADHD meds. This is not a self-solving problem.