I hate my step daughter's choice of boyfriend
Forums:
I hate my step daughter's choice of boyfriend.She is 15 and her boyfriend whom is 16,he is a piece of work.Seen my Marines flag and disrespected it.Told him he was talking to a Marine veteran,me.This was last weekend and he got it from me which got into me sounding like the late R Lee Ermey.My husband cannot stand him too,seen he is rude and disrespectful.I know him too,a trouble maker and has been in my office suspending him including him doing detention several times.She does not get and I get along with her
You are the parent. You can shit can her BF if he does not meet
your standards. Your DD is a minor.
So, shit can him and bring her up to clarity on the concerns and reality that she needs to up her standards in a BoyFriend.
My dad is a Marine so I get the R. Lee Ermey tone to parenting style.
Your DD is fortunate to have a parent who is invested and who cares.
It is her step daughter, Rags
It is her step daughter, Rags.
Thanks, I missed that.
Correction, have dad do it.
The more you and her Dad tell her how much you dislike
The more you and her Dad tell her how much you dislike her boyfriend, the more she is going to like him. DH should demand that he respect you and follow the house rules. He should make sure SD follows whatever "dating" rules he has for her. But outside of that, you should both try backing off a bit and see if she gets tired of him on her own.
She knows I have dealt with
She knows I have dealt with him before causing trouble.I also have PTSD from being sexually assaulted and raped when I was in the Marines,he thinks it is funny and is not.I see a therapist for this and told my therapist he does this.
If he won't follow "house rules" - which I would assume he is
If he won't follow "house rules" - which I would assume he is violating by making jokes about your assault and PTSD, then he shouldn't be allowed in the house. SD can see him away from your home.
There is the old "keep your
There is the old "keep your friends close and enemies closer".. by maybe making her see him at the house.. at least there is some oversight that the parents could have over what is going on.
The opinions of a stupid, pimply faced little weasel.. well.. how much weight do we really give them.. and of course.. he can be asked to leave without her being allowed to join him if he gets particularly obstinate... but I would generally not engage him in any conversation.. it's not like it's going to be quality civil talk anyway.. lol.
With people like him.. it's
With people like him.. it's probably best that they know very little about you.. and certainly not your weaknesses.
I have to say that both my SD's dated boys their father and I were less than thrilled with... in the end.. it seems the more you try to point out that the boys are not quality.. the more the girls seem to cling to the decision to date them
Her bio parents can only do so much.. but they can set boundaries on when and how their child is able to date.. set reasonable curfews.. and requirements on allowing phone tracking etc.. and check ins.
In the end they also need to make it clear that while they may not support all her choices.. they support HER.. and if she ever needs them to back her up.. they will. That they understand people make choices that they sometimes regret.. and that if she does regret dating this kid.. that they will be there for her.
also.. the message about social media and texting and snapchat safety and appropriateness are important.. and possibly something that mom and dad should have access to. the pictures she could send him could have a life of their own.. and she needs to remember that.
If your DH is on board, start
If your DH is on board, start making it hard for them to be together, without making it obvious.
Come down on her about grades and assignments if she is getting anything less than a B. Cleaning her room. Chores around the house. Getting a job once she turns 16. Making more "family" events so that she has less time with him. Encouraging her to hang with her girlfriends, etc.
Talk with her dad now
About standards. When I was a teenager, if my parents didn't approve, I wasn't allowed to date the boy, simple as that. And if she wants the privilege of dating, there are responsibilities to take care of at home....chores, grades....that come 1st.
Additionally, if this punk disrespects you in your own home, he should be put on blast and taught some manners that apparently his parents neglected.."so-and-so, it's extremely rude and disrespectful to speak that way in my home and will not be tolerated. Do you understand?" And your DH should back you up when you're disrespected and reiterate that's a no go.
I'm a military mom and 100% agree about your flag...that's not gonna fly.
My SD has an unemployed slacker H that is probably headed to jail...and she has kids with this loser. I completely understand your position and support asserting yourself in your home. I hope your DH gets on board if he isn't already because the longer it goes on the worse it gets.
Exactly
Could not have said it better.
It is a tricky situation with SKs. In my situation, the BD would figure out the rules of BM and just promote the opposite.
I had to use the angle of House Rules. I told them that I may not be your dad, but you live in the house I paid for full-time so I get to say who comes in.