SD had one more complaint on her list about DH

DH had forgotten to tell me 1 more complaint SD13 had on her list about him in her counseling appointment. It was that he "didn't seem to care enough about her 1yr anniversary of no self-harm"..........

Sigh. SD cut herself ONE time a year ago- realized she is not in fact a cutter because she hates pain...and never did it again. But she immediately downloaded an app that tracks how many days you have been "free of self harm".... and has made a big deal of the milestone anniversary's ever since. 8 months- DH gets a text from SD "I'm 8 months free of self-harm!". DH: "Good job!". Then turns to me and rolls his eyes, because we both know she isn't a cutter and even SD's counselor told DH she isn't actually suicidal, but she is manipulative and is doing things for attention. Which is pretty standard in the teen world these days apparently.

Anyway, when I was on a work trip 2 weeks ago it was SD's "1 yr anniversary", and she made herself a cake. A CAKE. Because she cut herself 1 time and was "free from self harm". She had a countdown timer and everything, and even made a video about it, which honestly was really awful to watch. She was like "hey guys, I can't believe it's been a year....I just, I really can't believe it, I can't believe I made it", and on and on. It looked like an audition video for a commercial. The frustration is that I'm sure there are people out there really struggling with self-harm, but SD isn't one of them. She's just jumping on the bandwagon for attention, and when DH isn't giving it to her, she had the gall to bring it up in counseling. He was too busy addressing the rest of her complaints so this one got lost in the shuffle.

I have decided to disengage from this whole thing, but I was really tempted to ask her how many times she cut again? Oh, just one? If someone smoked a cigarette once, hated it, then downloaded an app and made a cake for themselves a year later about how they "quit smoking", and expected everyone to pay lots of attention to it, does that seem right? What if they tried drugs once and didn't like it and did the same? No, doesn't really track does it...same here. You don't do things for attention, it takes away from the real struggles people have with this issue. You don't claim an issue just for attention. DH is so afraid to call her out because of her suicidal statements, so he's afraid of making it worse or that saying anything will basically challenge her to cut herself. I think the fear of parenting and teaching right from wrong is crap, but I also get it. So I will leave this one alone. Really glad I wasn't here for the anniversary cake, I would have had a hard time ignoring all that.

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If she is in counseling...

If she is in counseling... her counselor needs to hear about this kind of "overblown" focus on her "self harm" that was never an issue. clearly she has a mental impairment to be so latched onto something for attention.

I think it's

NARCISSISM

This all sounds like BM when

This all sounds like BM when she was a teenager. The "self harm," the "drug use," and ultimately the teen pregnancy. All attention seeking and all narcissism.

I'm hoping your SD stops at "self harm" and doesn't find more damaging and life altering ways to get attention like drug use or trying to get pregnant young.

Oh God

This is terrifying. She better not get knocked up! Crazy has glamorized being a teen mom to SD since "she was".

I would love to be a fly on the wall with her therapist. If she tries to mitigate the attention-seeking behavior, or just allows it.

My DW would have neutered SS-30 if he had been a teen parent.

DW has busted her butt to mitigate the negatives for SS of herself having been a single teen mom. She had him when she was 16 and graduated HS with honors and with her class with SS on her hip. The school tried to get her to drop out and do the pregnant teen GED program. She refused.

Though my DW is a true rockstar, she is still highly sensitive to having been a single teen mom. Much of her own accomplishment has been to avoid being a "statistic" related to her teen pregnancy.

In addition to having graduated HS on time and with honors, she completed a dual major BS (Mgt/Acctg) with honors, an MBA with honors, missed passing all 4 sections of the CPA exam by two points, having sat for the last pencil and paper test date in Texas. She passed 3 of the 4 sections. She passed the last section on a retest 3mos later as one of the first to take a section using the CBT. She has had a great career, has worked internationally as well as domestically.

SS-30 is a good man and his mom and I are very proud of him. His mom's efforts have effectively mitigated the crap influence of the shallow and polluted end of his gene pool. Sadly, his 3 younger Spermidiot spawned half sibs are wallowing in that cesspool of multigenerational failure. #2 is on the dole, #3 is in prison, and #4 is not far behind the inmate.

I hope your Skid can avoid repeating the BM's crap life choices.

It is these kids growing up

It is these kids growing up in social media. They HAVE to have attention ALL the time. It isn't just your SD.

I was taking some of DD's teammates home last night and the girls were going on and on. The friend was so upset that "Joey" has left her on read on snap for 3 days now! How could he?!?!

So and so didn't even like my insta story and she was in it!

So and so ____, and blah blah blah.

I was just wide eyed driving down the road listening to the 3 of them go on and on about all the need for constant "likes" on social media. It makes me want to pick my teens up and move to some unplugged compound!

100%

And Every person I know with teens have dealt with them making suicidal statements and self-harm. They see it a lot on social media, and some of that is what makes SD so upset to begin with. That's why DH has limited her phone time, to give her breaks from the drama. And for most teens it's a free-for-all, unlimited social media access.

Jeezus

Jeezus! What a histrionic wierdo she is. She is excessive even for her generation. I hope her therapist can see through her bs.

She does

The question is, does she ADDRESS it, or just listen? SD needs to hear it's not ok to make attention-seeking statements.

LOOK AT MEEEEEEEEE!

Time for the common denominator speech for this attention seeking idiot child.

My Dad is a master at the common denominator speech.

I will book a lecture with dad if you like.

Lol

Pencil us in! DH have the common denominator speech to SD after the 4th friend group stopped talking to her. But he's keeping quiet on this issue out of fear.

With fairness, you really do

With fairness, you really do not understand if she in fact has a struggle with intrusive thoughts about cutting and in fact accomplished something by not doing it again after the first time.

But I will agree that her display is over the top. I would not be concerned for the drama of a teen girl. It comes with the territory, I suspect, and our social mediazed world.

I do think your DH needs to hear her about this though. It may not be his opinion that this is serious but it is a good opportunity to have a good talk with SD about coping healthily and effectively, etc. Why not use this as a teaching lesson?

Wowza

Over the top for sure.

Just wondering do you get a cake and a tik tok video for having intrusive thoughts on screaming profanities at SD, and you havent indulged the urge for a whole year. Now that is an accomplishment ;)

Seriously I hope your SD gets the help she needs .